I'm singing in the...... Snow?

Oh yes, boys and girls, it's that time again. Blizzard time!! And this time the predictions are holding out for over a foot of snow.

Ha.

Well I figure as long as it doesn't mess with my swim meet or after-conference party, I could really care less.

We're already well above the average snow fall rate, and it's not even halfway through blizzard season. I seem to recall some big ones in March over the past few years.

What a snowy winter.

At least it's pretty though. Cause the snow is coming down in big clumps, and it's very pretty on the trees and the bushes and the grass and the cars. In honor of this pretty snow, I'm going to republish my poem entitled "First Snow" on my other blog.

You should read it, it's a good poem!!

Apathy Ensues

Does everyone who goes to college hate it?
Well it's not that I hate college - I just hate all of the work that goes along with it.
And yes, I realize that I'm bitching, but we all have our moments.
At any rate, I would LOVE it if all I had to do was go to class, pay attention, take notes, and maybe (just maybe) even read a little bit (and I mean a VERY little bit). Screw exams, screw reading whole books, screw trying to shove oodles of information into an already too-full head.

And on that note, I shall retire to more reading, which will be followed by more reading and, did I mention that I'll be reading tonight?

Hope your day was more fun than mine...

Right, about that...

I'm having html issues today. I screwed up my links, screwed up my fave tracker, and just grrrr!!!

So I walked 10 minutes over to Westmoreland for Spanish conversation hour, because I'm required to go to 10 this semester and I have yet to grace any with my presence. I get there, and it's in Combs for the night cause they're watching a movie. That I've already seen twice!!! And I'm dead tired, caues I got up at 4:20 am, so I would probably fall asleep and then have the long ass walk back at like 11 when the movie was over??!?!!
I think not.
So I just came straight back here. To get some work done. And how much have I done? Nothing! Good job guessing!
I think I suck at life.
Or maybe just life sucks at me.

I hate the world

Just Another Manic Monday

Well it's Monday yet again. Another week passes by in the sandstorm of life. I set out to accomplish a lot today, and yeah definately didn't. And I'm not surprised, just dissappointed in myself yet again for my lack of motivation and my poor organizational skills. Maybe I should drop out of school, get a job, ge married and have 2398542374 kids. Cause at least then I'll be doing something. Or maybe not...

I must admit, I find that description flattering. haha.

You are the Figher Femme


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The End is Near

Tonight was our girls' team pasta dinner, followed by some team bonding activities. It was a pretty emotional night, as we tossed around this ball of yarn for something called the "string game," where you say something nice about the person you toss the yarn to, and hang on to your piece, creating a huge web. It made me remember the reasons why I'm swimming this year, and why I am and will always be a swimmer, regardless of how fast or talented that I am.
The team spirit is an important thing; something that I've learned moreso this year than any other in my entire life. I think it's kind of fitting that I had a great deal of heart break this past year, because I've had these wonderful teammates to help me through it, and I've had swimming to allow me somewhere to concentrate my frustrations and dissappointments and other negative feelings.
I realize, that yeah I may have gone from a big wig in the debate world to a nobody in the swimming world, but I'm part of something bigger this way. It's hard to describe, but if you've ever been on a team remotley like this one, you may have an inkling about what I'm trying so hard to express through the inadequacy of words. And even then, you won't come close to the full comprehension. I am blessed for being a part of this. Thank you everyone who has aided me along the way.

Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens

Well MWC has yet another snow day, after being blessed/ cursed with 7 inches of snow last night and this morning. I, being the idiot that I am, was out driving around last night as the snow fell - but I feel the experience was a learning one because I know better how to drive in snow and appreciate the warmth of my bed all the more.
The rest of bella is in Rochester this weekend, and I am not. It's sad in a lot of ways, I wish I was there with them. I didn't have to work this morning, I didn't have class today. All that I would have missed is swim practice. And since I am a surperflous team member for swimming and an intrinsic team member for Bella, it makes me wonder.
Oh well. Dwelling on the "what ifs," while a favorite past time of mine, accomplishes nothing.
And I keep reconsidering my whole outlook on dating and the world of relationships in general. I mean, what is the point of me wanting to date other guys when I know that it will never amount to anything? Ah well, just some more mindless ramblings on a snow covered day.

I run off, where the drifts get deeper

Laziness Ensues

Why am I so unmotivated and lazy?? Seriously, I think I deserve to fail out of school. Ah well. Yeah, I'm really tired. It's bed time most definately. And maybe I can wake up early tomorrow and get some work done. I hope so.

Boys, boys, boys

Yes, there were many this weekend. And I would like to thank them for being so cool and talented and hot, and for making our concert a huge-ass success. I also got some great criticism for the concert, which I will be applying ASAP to Bella's day to day functionings so that we can get on gear and become one of those groups where everyone says, WOW they're awesome!!!
I know it will happen one of these days.
The after-party was a total trip, thank you Libby for being cool and allowing us to party in your apartment even after the cops came by and were bastards and were threatening you with court and all.
And in my last thank you, this one is to Rob for being understanding and for not hating me for treating you like shit, cause basically that's what I did, and I'm sorry.
Bu yeah I don't want t end my blog on a sad note - so yeah the party was SUCH a fun time, even though I was a sober sister with Lisa-Marie, it reminded me of all the times last year when I never drank and everyone else was so trashed and it was soo funny. Of course, that didn't stop me from wanting to drink, cause at Bella parties we always have the best drinks on earth like Sky Blue and and Mike's and yummy wine coolers. Screw the beer. Anyways - thank to my bellas too for a well-planned and well-done show! You know that I love you all!

What is "Fair"?

Yesterday, I had to sit around for 2 hours and listen to a friend of mine complaining that something wasn't "fair". I wanted to scream, to smack her accross the head for being stupid, to get up on my soapbox and preach about the true meaning of "fair".
But I didn't, because I'm a good friend. I listened, consoled, and attempted to convince her that not everything in this life is supposed to go her way, that she can't have complete and utter control over everything and everyone. Did my words get through to her? Probably not.
And so it got me started thinking about fairness. I just read AJs blog, and it reminded me of why I stopped paying attention to politics. The US is one big unfair meanie when it comes to international politics. Debate helped me realize this last year, and now I'm so dissillusioned with out government that I can't stand to hear about some of the idiot things that we do. We are never fair, and for the most part we care only about our own interests. We are selfish.
And I use the term "we" because, even though you and I are not government officials, we live in this country, we vote (or at least have the right to), and therefore no matter what our ideologies or personal beliefs, we support our government. We pay taxes. If we truly wanted to not support the government, we would leave the country. And that is my belief. So even though I am not by any means a fan of Bush or of his policies, I'm still an American, I'm not actively trying to oust him from office, so I must support him.
Now I know that this logic doesn't actually flow. But it's an outsiders perspective of us - the US citizens. And outside of this country, that's where life REALLY isn't fair. People die from stupid diseases all the time. Government corruption and dictators and bandits and militia kill innocents, even children. So everytime I hear someone whine about how something isn't "fair", privately I shake my head and think, you have no idea.

An Utter Lack of Deep Thoughts

Yeah, there's no room for introspection in my brain today. It's snowing outside. We're supposed to get 1 - 3 inches of accumulation by tomorrow. Wow. And I keep forgetting that my sled is at home.
I made a step in the right direction today. I talked to my Newsgathering professor about internships at the Free-Lance Star. So maybe I will have a real job this semester. I hope so. I also printed out an application for Parks and Rec, cause old habbits die hard and teaching really isn't that bad of a job and it pays twice what I would get anywhere else.
I don't think I have any more thoughts for today. I'm too tired really to think, except I think I should consider going to bed earlier. Sigh.

Another day, just believe.
Another day, just breathe.

Life beats on in minutes, seconds, hours, decades...
And we all just keep plugging along.
There are some who stop to ponder,
There are some who watch the rest scramble by,
And here I am, stuck in the middle.
The true definition of indecision?
A true indecisive will never decide.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But life should be lived without regrets.
The proverbs and cliches tell us how to live,
But following the silver trail in the black ocean
Just somehow seems my inevitable path.
Sometimes it's clear and vivid like the empty sky itself.
Sometimes it's choppy, broken by wake and wind and waves.
And sometimes it dissappears,
Leaving me wandering aimlessly,
Praying for the pallid light and path to return.
And sometimes I see it, but I turn the other way.
I wander into the blackness
As time ticks predictably by.
Another minute, another second, another lifetime.


Another day, I'm used to it by now,
Just breathe

A sorta Fairytale...

Bienvenido a mi vida... Yeah anyways. I didn't get a ticket today! Definately cause for rejoicing. And we are officially into taper, I can smell the end of the swim season - it's almost here!! Well actually, I can't really Smell it persay, cause actually it will be characterized by a Lack of smell - no more chlorine!! Well maybe some, yeah I know I still work at a pool and I'll probably still be swimming every now and then so my muscles don't atrophy and so I don't gain 480387429487 lbs, but anyways let me have my dumb cliches!
Ok now I'm just ranting. Time for the madness to stop.

It is freezing outside!! The wind chill is 5 degrees. I'm pretty sure that it's NOT supposed to be that cold in Virginia, ever!!
Right now I'm parked illegally, cause of course when I got back from work the lot was full. Every five seconds I run to the window and check the parking lot to see if there's a cop so I can jo down and move my car or if there's an empty space.
Ok, now the wind chill is -2 degrees. HAHAHAHA. Yeah, that's why I didn't park at the Battlegrounds this morning. Walking over a mile in cold like that??? I think not. Especially with wet clothes (the hazards of working at a pool).
Hopefully I won't get another ticket, cause if I do I have NO money to pay it at all. Oh well. Shit happens.

The superbowl is a killer.
Like last year, I really didn't know who I was cheering for. I'm nuetral about both teams. But I can't help but feel bad for the Raiders, or I guess the losing teams in general. It's sad seeing grown men cry.
Well, enough of that.

I had a good weekend. It caused me to get a little introspective, which I suppose is a good thing at times. But of course, it makes me think about my shortcomings, and there are so many that it's a little depressing.
Or maybe it's just that it's Sunday night, I have to get up in 6 hours, and the upcoming week is looking busy and stressful.
Maybe that's it.

The Breath of God?

This afternoon's practice wasn't going very well. Whenever the whole team is in the water, for some reason it stirs up some chemicals and makes it difficult to breathe, and the majority of us begin hacking every time we come up for air.
Unfortunately, I'm usually one of the first afflicted with this dreadful coughing. It keeps me awake late at night, coughing into my pillow, trying not to wake up the entire dorm and trying not to eject my lungs out of my body.
So today, when the whole team started sounding like a bunch of lifetime smokers, coach opened up the pool doors; all 6 or 7 of them. That helped a little, but not enough.
Then, in the middle of a difficult set, a wave of steam poured over the deep end. He'd opened the sliding glass doors to the outside, for just a minute. The air rushing in had a wind chill of about 10 degrees (right now it's at 5). I gasped in the air, litterally sucking it in as fast as I could. When we reached the other end, the whole team was abuzz.

Me: That was so amazing! I can't even describe how amazing that air felt!
Pris: I know man
Me: Seriously, I don't have any words. It was just... It was so..
Pris: It was like God was breathing into your mouth.
Me: Exactly!!!

Well that was one of the coolest things I've ever heard anyone say, and probably one of the most appropriate too. There is absolutely no other way to describe the sensation of suddenly being able to breathe.
Who knew swimming would teach me to appreciate the little things in life? A little fresh air goes a long way I guess.

Wanted: Cajones

I am such a wimp sometimes. I wish that I had the gift of a free tongue, and the ability to put into words what bothers me to those that actually need to hear it. But I don't, so I sit here bitching to no one in particular about problems that I could easily fix if I just grew some balls.
Maybe steroids will work, they make women more manly, right?
Here's the deal: Last night, it's after 12, and I'm falling asleep.
Giggle giggle. No way!
I jolt back to reality with the sound of my roomate talking on her cell phone with her boyfriend. I think he must monopolize the conversations, cause she doesn't say much. But every 3, 4 minutes or so when she does get in a few words, they are loud. This goes on for an hour. Why!!!!!
I am one of the most non-confrontational people I know. I hate it. Actually, hate is not a strong enough word. I abhor it. But I'm sure my roommate doesn't mean any harm. She's such a little, quiet person. She just has some habbits that I find incredibly inconsiderate, and I can't seem to find the words to mention this.
Maybe I should take some assertion classes or something. Like I have the time.
Oh well. I guess that if it starts to bother me enough, I will say something. I just don't want to be one of THOSE people. You know, the bitchy ones.

This morning was a gift- from hell.
And the snow that's falling constantly, a blessing or a curse?

Either way, it's not helping to lighten my mood like it usually does. Why am I so grumpy? After all, it's still before 10 am. Most sane people aren't even awake yet. Well I've been up since 5:30, for work. But I never made it. Because I went outside in the freezing temperatures, to find one of my tires completely flat. Completely and totally. I've seen this happen to many many cars in my parking lot. Is this a joke? I don't think it's funny.
So I need my car, I have a lot of errands to run. And I'm not about to change my tire by myself in the snow. So I call AAA. It's about 6:15 by now, after I've already called my father to tell him I'll be missing work. They tell me the tow truck should come within the hour. That gives me till 7:15, and with an 8:00 class that's cutting it close, but I figure it shouldn't take that long. I mean how many people need tow trucks at 6 am? So I go inside and pass out on the couch in the lobby, waiting for a call to let me know the truck is almost here. And I wake up several times to check the clock. 6:30, 6:45, 7:00... where is the damn tow truck??? I call around 7:15, and wait on hold for 5 minutes. AAA tells me the tow truck company will call me back. A few minutes later, they call - and tell me the driver is "right around the corner". Five minutes later, they call again. Where exactly is this parking lot?
Right.
So I tell them, again. And wait another 5 minutes. Finally, the guy shows up. And my spare is soft. That's ok, I figured he'd have an air compressor. After all, he's going to change a tire right? Aren't air compressors handy? But no. So here I am, it's 7:45, I have class in 15 minutes all the way accorss campus in the farthest possible building, and I still have a flat tire. AND I got up at 5:30, and made no money cause I didn't go to work.
Sorry to bitch so much, but honestly. This morning sucked.
But I have nice friends that like to cheer me up. Thanks Jason:)