I only have one exam left!! I know, I cna't believe it either. It's not even May yet (yeah I realize it starts Wednesday) and I'm completely done with school. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself yet for the month of May. I don't start working daily till the middle of June, when all of the high schools let out and lessons start. Till then, maybe a few weekends but aside from that - ? Of course, I shouldn't start celebrating yet or anything. My exam tomorrow is geology, which I've been sucking MAJORLY at this semester, and I really should start studying for. But anyways, this weekend was a lot of fun. I'm still pissed that my spanish prof. deducted 5 pts off of my exam because I wanted to take it early so I could go to NJ for my g-parent's 50th anniversary, but whatever. My grandparents were both really surprised that my famnily was there (it was a surprise kinda deal), and they cried when everyone gave them this book that we've been working on for the past month or so. It's made up of pages from all of my cousins and aunts and uncles and it's called "the things we love most about grandma and grandpa". I made a page that thanked them for locking their vicious dog in the basement when I came to visit (I was like 5 and the dog was taller than me and she liked to nip), and one saying how much I love my grandpa's pancakes. It was really sweet, and I got this amazing picture of them looking at it together, with dappled sunlight on my grandma's face. They looked so happy, it made me realy happy to know that I have such a together family. I mean we're all very close, we've never had any "black sheep" or skeletons or problems or anything like that. It's wonderful how when we all get tother we have an amazing time and we tease and laugh and it's just wonderful. We didn't expect my grandpa to cry, and we were all really moved when he did. And that just reminds me that I'm leaving here either tomorrow or Tuesday, and so are a lot of my friends. And I probably won't see any of them all summer, which is kinda sad because I feel like for the first time ever I have friends that I actually WANT to see over the summer. Usually I'm kinda blasse about it, even after graduation it was like, yeah I probably won't see you to the reunion, so till then!! Or hey - call me this summer (yeah right) Or something like that. I've always had my sister here to hang out with and go shopping with and go to work with, and for the past few years I've had Rob and that was really all I ever needed over the summer. But this year Rachel is staying at school because she hates it here, and most of the people I worked with for the past two years aren't coming back to the pool because they
ve move on to "real jobs" (even though i still feel that life guarding and teaching lessons are real jobs) and Rob will still be here but he works really early in the mornings now and that makes late nights difficult. So it looks like I'll be taking a few road trips, going to visit Rach and hanging out at the beach, meeting Laur and hopefully Linds in DC for a museum day, catching up with Krys when she comes to visit Justin and having a double date, and other things that involve friends from school that I would never have seen myself doing before this year. And all of this introspective thought has made me reflect on college, and I wonder if it's changed me. I don't feel different, though I think that I'm a lot more outgoing and self-assured than I was in high school. I think I really needed this new environment, to get away from the same people that I've seen since kindergarten and make new friends and create a me that I can live with. I'm doing things now that I wouldn't have thought I could in high school, not because I never dreamed about it but just because I thought they were unreachable dreams. I guess I've learned my lesson this time.

OK, so i suck at upkeep, I know, sue me. The weather has taken a 180 right back into brr it's cold where's my Winter coat. So funny considering how F'burg was the hottest city in the nation less then a week ago (fame for the 'Burg finally!). I think it's also kinda funny how I always start off talking about the weather. It's like those awkward conversations when you sit and look at the other person and say, "So, um, the weather's nice." But honestly, how hot or cold it is matters a lot to me, I mean it decides my wardrobe which ultimately decides my disposition for the day (no, I am NOT obessive compulsive about clothing). Like today for instance, I only changed three times, and each time I wore something teal. That way I don't have to change my pretty teal makeup, which may I point out also matches perfectly with my car (and yes, maybe I am just a little obsessive compulsive about matching, but you must admit that Not Matching is one of the cardinal sins). My life is so sad. Today was kinda interesting at any rate, my Spanish teacher is letting me take my exam early, minus 5 points of course (don't ask because I may go off again and it is NOT pretty). So that made me kinda happy, plus I ran into a friend from high school who I haven't really spoken to all year even though we are at the same school. I stopped her to say hi and let her know that I felt bad for not keeping up old acquaintances, and she told me she was getting married this summer and I almost fell over. Yeah - even though I'm going on three years I can't imagine getting married now, before I could even drink legally at my own wedding (and believe me if I were to get married before I turned 21 my mother would see to it that I didn't have a drop of alcohol). Yeah - that's not the only reason - I've got to finish school, plan my life, etc. Marriage is such a huge commitment. Even thinking about it makes me feel uneasy. I like being a teenager way too much to consider settling down (permanently) any time soon. I really ought to start research for my paper though, it's due Thursday and now I have two finals that day thanks to my Spanish Prof. (ugh), so I'm thinking these next few days are going to be no fun. Wish me luck. (Did you notice that I'm enamored with parenthasis? I think it's cause I just finished reading Faulkner)

Lindsay tells me that my blog is boring. Unfortunately, my life isn't all that interesting and I'm not one to editorialize the details. Today was sooo hot though, it was great. We sat outside for ever and watched people walking by and throwing baseballs around in ball circle and frisbees on the "beach" and it was great. Almost makes up for my stupid spanish teacher who won't let me take my exam on any other day (it's a Saturday!) so that I can attend my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Grrrrrrr. I have Santeria in my head because they were blasting it from someone's room on the fourth floor. It's a good song for a day like today. But I really oughta stop procrastinating and do some work. Anyone have any idea as to on what I should write my English paper? Because I still have no idea. I was thinking about taking psychoanalysis and Frued and applying it to some piece of literature, but that would involve way to much work and I only have a week you know? OK time to split - "And I really wanna know..."

So today has been an interesting/ highly productive and unproductive day! Interesting because of comments made by a certain Steph on a certain bench, and more comments made by me on that same bench; and productive because I got in my interview and application for tour guide and Bella rehearsal went sooo well and I got nominated for a gagillion positions; and unproductive because I got absolutely NO work done, I haven't starting thinking about exams when my first one is NEXT THURSDAY, and I have a huge ass paper due the same day for which I still don't know what to write about! It's going to be a busy two weeks, but then it's over! Finito! Terminado! I have my second and third exams in two weeks, Monday the 29th, and then I am done completely with school. Nothing more. I have nothing to do in May either. My job doesn't start for some time, so I'm just floating around all May, lazing on my ass and thinking about crap to do next year. Ok, that's an exaggeration. I will have a lot of things to do this summer. I'm going to be arranging several songs for Bella, doing research for debate on people like Kant and Frued and Derridas (oh boy) and training my butt back into shape in the pool, all aside from working 2 (maybe 3 or 4?) jobs this summer. But that's too far ahead to look for now. I need to be focused on the next few weeks, getting through them without severe head trauma, and surviving exams. Wish me luck!

I love warm weather. And it's going to storm soon, I can feel it coming. I love storms, they're so much fun to watch and play in outside. The only problem is having to walk to class while it's pouring, but thankfully I'm done with classes for today. Rain by itself sucks big time of course, but fast summer storms kick major ass. I'm a total geek for this I know (though still not as much as my sister), but I adore writing poems about storms. Today is an adequate poem day, so here is one of them:

To Andrew
Do not fear the dark, young one,
Nor the powlers of night.
Do not fear the cold, my dear,
Nothing there will bite.

Do not flee the storm, my love,
Nor the lightning's flash.
Do not flee the raging winds,
Sit and watch them clash.

The dark is to be loved, young one,
The cold is to be held.
The storm is to be watched, my love,
The wind is to be felt.

Do not fear the life you live,
Nor be afraid to soar.
Once the fledgling has been fledged,
The nest is home no more.
(Summer 1997)

Well once again I am procastinating. This week is going to be an "easy" week, meaning I won't be running around like my ass is on fire all day, yet somehow I still manage to put my homework off till now. Oh well. I had the greatest convo. with Seph tonight though. We talked for over an hour I think, and decided that we are the same person. Seriously. We act the same way towards boys, we read the same trash, and we feel the same about all the crazy shit happening in the world right now. I am so excited about visiting Rach this weekend - we've got a killer time planned. And the weather looks like its going to be nice too!! Linds and Laur and I will be having the time of our lives! OK that's an exaggeration, but we will have fun:) Beach, club, shopping, party, yea! And the countdown begins, 21 days until my last exam!! wahoo!

I am the queen of procrastination. I had this paper due Friday. I'm still writing it. It's due in 10 hours. So sad. I still haven't done my homework for my 8:00 yet. And I keep attempting to find different things to do to kill time. Like this. I set up my blog account forever ago and this is the first time I have felt compelled to write something. Well, this is the first time I've been procrastinating this badly at any rate. So sad. I really ought to get some work done though....*sigh