Again, with the interesting time of year junk....
Last night I pulled out all of my old diaries from high school and started reading them, beginning with the August before my freshman year. That was back in 97. I was a very interesting child, I suppose I still am, haha. I think I may start posting a few of those entries on here, when I have time and liesure - they give an insight on how my mind worked, and still works in some respects, and also I was much freer with my words because it was meant for my eyes only. It was also interesting to see that my writing style has changed very little too. Even back then I wrote using big words and elevated, even poetic diction at times. That's just the way I am. I see I have yet to receive a response from yesterdays pissed off blog, lol, I guess I should realize not to expect one, but still there's always that little hope that maybe I'll get through to people. I think it's way past my bedtime, so as soon as I finish talking to my sister and acting as advisor to my dear friend Rob (different one), I shall collapse like a tent in a hurricane. Buenas noches:)

I think this is a very interesting time of year.
For some reason - people feel obliged to tie up loose ends, make amends for past wrongs committed, etc. I have been the victim of one of these attempts today, and it has left me in a rather sour mood - which is rather unfortunate seeing as how it's Christmas and all. But here's my response to this pitiful attempt at a "Happy Holidays" gesture, doubtful that it will ever be read by he-who-thinks-i'm-fake, but oh well at least it's out there now:
I do not play with people intentionally, ever. Honesty is the best policy, always. I hate and abhor lying, misleading, and all other attempts at falsehood. As a rule, I do not practice these things with others unless I'm forced to, and then I wind up hating myself for it. So David - I don't understand what your deal is. I never lied to you, and never lead you to believe anything that wasn't true. You accuse of me of alluding to you and trying to "soil your name" or whatever. Guess what, I didn't. There is absolutely no mention of you at all after you decided to be an ass and tell my computer that you didn't want to talk to me anymore. The night in question: I was with one of the most wonderful men in the world, who I dated for years and could possibly end up marrying. Jealous? And why is that? What did I ever promise you? Did I tell you that I loved you? Absolutely nothing, and absolutely not. You were my friend, a very good one, with whom I had a lot of fun. You obviously have attatchment issues, and you over estimate your importance in this world by leaps and bounds if you believe that my life revolves around you. That away message was not for your sake, you were the farthest things from my mind that night. I was happy, with somebody who I loved, and still do. It's rather unfortunate that you can't experience the same thing - but I doubt that you ever shall considering your issues. I don't mean to be bitchy, but I don't appreciate liars either - thanks for the surprise revelations there. This too, is my personal diary. I allow my friends to read it, but I'm not looking for pity, ever. It's simply where I attempt to sort out all of the crazy things going on in my head and in my life. If someone wants to be moved by my words, that's fine - but I'm not in search of people to feel sorry for me. That is what people do when they have nothing else to do. Sound familiar? For those who are familiar with my blog, they will recognize that it is merely and extension of my personality. When I'm feeling way up, or down, it helps me to put those feelings into words. I wrote a lengthy blog about the reasons that I write sometime back in October or November, and it would do you good to go back and re-check that one.
Your petty attempts at hurting my feelings have done nothing but piss me off, that someone can be so twisted and mean. What did I do to you? I put up an away message that said "time for sleepy with my honey" - and you went postal. Anyone else see something strange about that? So yeah - I bother not with those who respect me not. I'm not into that "bye forever" bullshit, since obviously if you write that on two occasions "forever" looses its potency, instead I'm going to be the grown up here - and leave the lines open for future dialogue. I try to be a forgiving and understanding person. What my limits are when it comes to this, I don't know. But feel free to respond, or (gasp) pick up the phone and call. Because I hate leaving things unfinished, as they so clearly are since you never addressed me personally, but rather my electronic extensions.
And ps: I love my life. Sometimes things bite, but I always always always have hope and optimism somewhere in me. I get that from my sister, the classic idealist. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in the world- because I have the only things that really matter - love, family, and friends. All else is inconsequential in the great scheme of things. Never forget that.

While it was a smart idea to leave my computer at school, I still miss it! Actually I miss the connection most, dial-up sucks big time, I keep getting kicked off and that does not make me happy. I haven't added anything in a while, so there's so much to say!! And of course my house is sooo freezing that I can barely feel my fingers so I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to type - but I'll try to get it all out:)
First of all - Ohio was a total trip - literally and figuratively;) We got to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where Linds worked this past summer, and we got comp. tickets and 50% off in the gift store cause her uncle is the CFO (I think that stands for cheif finance officer). We met him, and got to meet the CEO - this guy who is pretty eccentric and was on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or some similar show because his house is awesome and it's right on Lake Erie. In addition, we did a good deal of shopping, we all got massages as our Christmas gifts to each other, and just had a really great time. I really miss Lindsay so much now - we had such a great time, it was as if we hadn't been apart for any time at all, everything was great like it used to be. Ah well, I think Laur and I are trying to convince her to come visit us during her Spring break, or if we all have break at the same time maybe we'll do a trip to New York and maybe stay at my grandparents' house, haha I'm sure they wouldn't mind. We'll have to wait and see:) Either way, hopefully I'll get to see her again before long:)
Then when I got back from Ohio, AJ was here - so of course we had to hang out:) I love chilling with her!! We had such a great time. Friday night we went out shopping and what not, then we rented the first Lord of the Rings movie, watched that over popcorn, then the next morning we went to see the second one in the theater. That was definately fun:) I think it's funny how the people that I hang out with aren't the ones I went to high school with - lol. Oh well, I didn't hang out with anyone from high school in high school, so why should I now? Then on Saturday night we went to Hooters w/ Billy and Robbie. It was my first time, and it was definately another interesting experience. Our waitress was really sweet, and both the boys were checking her out cause she was hot too:) haha, anyways, tonight we have a very very very long Folk Group practice to go over all the Christmas music, we're singing at two masses tomorrow night. Then afterwards looks like AJ and I will be hanging out, maybe with Billy and some of his friends, and maybe we'll be getting our drink on tonight. We'll see.

(wow I guess I did write a lot today, haha)

I'm home now, and I probably won't be posting for some time. Leaving tomorrow to drive to Baltimore, then Laur and I are heading to Ohio to visit Lindsay on Monday morning!! I'm soo excited to go, I've missed that girl soo much this semester! What to say about this semester? I think I formed a new record when it comes to procrastinating, I managed to spend almost every night with someone or other, though halfway through it got pretty predictable who that person was:) yeah - interesting time. Now i'm looking ahead to Ohio, then Christmas, then New years, then Florida - all before next semester!! oh my.

So I'm finally done with exams, and wow what a rough friggen week. I definately didn't get much sleep, went to a wild party, a few not-so-wild but still fun parties, and failed a lot of exams. Ok so maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, I didn't fail any exams (that I know of), and I actually only had three so I'm not really sure why this week was all that difficult for me (well plus a paper and that's all I did all day today and wow that sucked too), because a lot of my friends had 5 or 6 exams and all, and I'm going to wimp out next semester and only take 4 classes even though swimming season is over in february and even though my life will probably be easier to handle because it always is second semester. oh well i guess it's totally my perrogative and yeah can you believe that I got a C in art history? that blows chunks. ok bed time for me.... (no i'm not drunk just very tired)

So I've done my best to avoid studying this week - finals week - and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job as of yet, so yeah. Last night I had a great time- went to the ladies on Hanover St.'s appartment (jen, lisa-marie, amanda, formerly dave but he just moved out). We had a great dinner, then proceded to drink till about 4 am. We danced and sang badly alot, and everyone ended up hooking up with someone that night, most people ended up making out with more than one person - so yeah definately an interesting night to say the least ( I kind of stayed on the outskirts during this mad makeout session and took lots of incriminating photos, which will probably be destroyed cause they're on a digital camera but oh well). Interesting night. Defiantely going to be hearing about that a lot in the future.... lol. Now I have an art history final at 2 pm today, and a spanish research paper that I haven't started due at 2 tomorrow. Sigh. It's going to be a long next two days, but I can get through it and guess why - cause after that I'M DONE!!!!!

Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I Hate Finals!!!!! i wrote a poem about it on my other blog, which if you haven't checked out you should. but yeah - aaaahhhhh!!! ugh.

PS, I wrote a really cool poem about snow the other day during that huge ass snowstorm, read it here.

Studying for exams bites big time. Which is why I'm avoiding it like the plague at the moment... oh well. I took my linguistics exam this morning - I guess I did ok. I wanted an A, not sure if I got it, but whatever. It's over and done, I'll find out my grades next week, no point in stressing - time to move on. Tomorrow is brit lit at 9 am. ugh. I'm so not ready for that one. Well I think I'm going to hit the books once again, maybe I'll blog again later when I'm in need of a break.

Well I'm back from the 3 day invitational at Franklin and Marshall up in Lancaster, PA. I had a really great meet, for the most part. Our team was also doing pretty well, as of yesterday we were in 3rd place, and I left early so I could study for my exam tomorrow, but who knows maybe we'll be able to move up after today! Well I just wanted to make a quick post, so it doesn't seem as though I've fallen off the face of the earth. Which I will, in the next few days, as I find someplace to seclude myself and get my study thing going. Wish me luck!

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow!!

(i figure maybe if i write it a billion times it will happen, we'll have to wait and see!)

I made a new blog!!! The link is with the rest of them, or you can check it out here, it's a poetry website, and I'm opening it up to anyone who wants to post, cause blogger has this cool thing where you can have multiple team members - in other words other people will be able to post whenever they want, and pretty much do whatever they want (though I have oversight). Neat huh?!? Yeah, I know that I have no life. Sue me. When I publish my first volume of my poems and make a billion dollars off sales (way wishful thinking I know just let me ok?) you'll be wishing you were as uncool as me!!

snow!!! there's a winter weather watch for like the entire state of virginia for tomorrow!!! we could get up to 4 inches!! this excites me, yet it's really going to suck if i have to haul ass across campus in the snow....

Apparently the blogger server is down and my page can't publish:-/ Hopefully they'll fix the problem soon...

So I think that I've moved to the arctic. Or at least it feels like it. Definately 25 degrees outside right now, with a wind chill of 13. What the hell. They're calling for snow tomorrow, and I have a feeling we actually may see it for once. Last year we didn't get snow till January. Dear me. Well I have a 4 page paper to finish by 10:30; as of right now I have a page and a half done. And I don't know what else to write. Writer's block is not a good thing to have when it's paper writing time. Sigh.
And I'm thinking that I'm going to ask my linguistics prof. today if I can just take the final rather than write a term paper. Cause I see it this way: I like writing papers better, but I test better and the grading isn't arbitrary like it can be on papers. Plus the paper requires library time upwards of 5 hours, which I don't have between now and the paper's due date (Monday at 8:45am). I do, however, have ample time to study my text book and make flashcards and etc - because I can do the aforementioned anywhere but I can only type a paper sitting at my computer, and honestly my ass goes numb rather quickly. I can study at the swim meet much easier than I can write a paper lugging around 18-billion books. So now I guess I'll get back to this one, wish me luck - and for my sake pray for the return of warm weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This may be my last blog till I get back from Jersey - so I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I have soo much work to do over break, and I'm wondering how much of it I'm really going to do... ah well. I hope everyone has a great time, eats a lot, and enjoys the time off!!! I know I will!

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I don't think that's an improvement...

Wow! Tonight Bella recorded our first song for our first cd. It was totally an awesome experience. We set up a little room, and we each went in and did our parts seperately, though those who doubled on a part went in together. We got to sing into this professional microphone, and wear headphones and listen to the song and hear everyone else who had recorded previously while we were singing. Kinda made me feel like a rock star or something, and I wasn't even singing on this song!! We recorded Goodbye to You, and I do the drum for this song (yay vocal percussion!). It was totally awesome, and I got to listen to it a little bit even though it wan't finished, and we sound amazing!! I can't wait till our cd comes out!! Everyone should get one!

Ok so I just realized that I have NO poems on here for this week! This is a problem that needs solving! Here goes:
Flutter flutter.
There goes my heart.
I think it skipped a beat.
I feel alive,
With this urge to leap
And dance
And sing.
Though the wind chills me
With his breath,
The sun warms me
With his rays,
And I remember to be
Thankful
For all the love
In my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I really feel loved now!! AJ wrote the sweetest thing about me on her page!! I love you girl! Can't wait till break!! We are totally going to teach these Fredericksburgians how to party! AJ's blog is britesunrise and you should check it out cause she's the coolest;) Anyways, this weekend was such a mad blast!!
For starters, Friday night was an open mic competition, in which dear Donovan placed third for his hilarious comedy act. That boy definately says things most people don't even dare to think. I was laughing sooooo hard - it was a great night.
Then Saturday we had our meet at Galluadet against them and York. We won - putting the women's team at 8-0!! Then we stopped in DC for a really nice dinner at this great restaurant, and I definately ate my quota of food for the month. Then our bus broke down in the middle on I95 right outside of Dale City. That was definately a little freaky, cause the cars were zooming by on either side like crazy - we were on a median between an exit and the highway. We were probably broken down for a little under an hour, and then we had to get on a rescue bus, which was another adventure to be certain...
Then Saturday night was one of the best nights in a really really really long time. I think it was the best party I've been to all year. I was heading over to Justin's, when I saw Mary Katherine and Cynthia and James and the girl whose name I can never remember (C- something...), so I picked them up and we headed over together. When I first got there it looked like it was going to be a shitty party because there was no alcohol yet and people were just sitting or standing around doing nothing. But then the keg came, and it was a good time! We danced, we drank, we laughed, and basically had sooo much fun. Rob came around 1:30 and he partied for a while, then he drove me and Emily back around 2:30ish. By the time we got back here I was having trouble standing, and there are some details about Saturday night that I'm lacking - but hey it was still a great time:) I wish every weekend was that much fun!

I am such a crack whore!! Ok not really, but this morning's been a little crazy! For some reason I was insanely hyper at weights, and everything was funny, especially Matteo - he's the funniest and coolest boy ever!!! And then breakfast was a whole nother story, where basically I should have just kept something over my mouth the whole time to prevent me from talking and sounding like and idiot. Haha, oh well. Now I've reached my low, and I'm about to fall out of my chair and sleep on the floor, so I'm going to bed! Peace!!!

Imood seems to be down this morning and its screwing up my page:-/ oh well - not that big of a deal. I paid my parking tickets last night, and I now have $13 or so left in my check book, and about $150 total assets. Gee the future is looking bleak. But that's not my immediate concern, I still have 2 poems to memorize before tomorrow, and another test in Finite today - yay for that! Oh! plus I scanned a few pictures from our Bella bash a few weeks ago, and they're now on my web page, so you should check them out:) I think it's time to get to work though - later!

One step closer to Thanksgiving break! We now have just a week left till break, and only 10 days of classes till finals!! It blows my mind how fast I've let this semester slip by. And it seems like I'm doing (yet again) exactly what I did first semester last year and all through high school - I start out the year on a bad note, and then realize that I need to get my act in gear and attempt to pull up my grades with like a week left. Yeah. Last year it hit me really hard because I was used to having another semester in the same class to improve my grades, and when December came around I realized how much of a slacked I'd been. This year I caught my slacking tendencies a little earlier, but too late to fix. Cause I'm a lot busier now, and I don't have the time necessary to dedicate to my studies. Which is funny, cause you would think that I go to college for the classes:)
Well it's about that time when I go crazy cause I'm trying to accomplish shit I should have started weeks ago in the span of a few days - wish me luck!!

So I finally broke down this morning and decided I don't want anymore tickets, and parked at the Battlegrouds. It's only a mile and a half from my dorm :-/ I hate it how someone always takes the parking space that I vacate when I go to work. The walk back wasn't actually that bad, it just sucked something major because it was 30 degrees. Yeah. And we all know how cold I get, especially my hands - and of course I couldn't find my gloves last night or this morning. I had on 3 layers, a t-shirt for the pool, a sweat shirt, and my big fur coat, plus I had a scarf wrapped around my head to keep my ears and neck warm - and I could totally feel every little breeze. I was soooo freezing!! A 20 minute walk is not a good idea this early in the morning - a jog is one thing cause the blood is pumping, but I couldn't exactly jog in all those layers holding my purse, mail, and water bottle. Or at least I could try, but it would look really funny.

I also got my bank statement, and somehow I have a lot less money than I thought I did. I only have about a hundred in my savings, which is the money with which I use to buy books, pay for car problems, and pay for school books. And I need spending money for Florida because I can't exactly not eat for 13 days.... This worries me slightly. I just keep thinking back to the $800+ that has gone up in flames in the past few months, and I get really sad, and really angry at myself for being such an idiot. I guess this is just how things go...

Today was a good day!!!!!!! Well, ok for the most part it was a pretty normal day, and it was sucking there for a while when I had to wait in the freezing cold for an hour.... but hey bygones - my money problems are looking slightly less bleak at the moment!! When the tow truck came, the driver was a mechanic and he totally fixed my car for me!! And to make things better, I called him through AAA so now I don't have to pay a dime!! yay! And then, my parents had left my credit card bill in my car last Friday, and of course I didn't want to get it to depress myself for the weekend. Today was the first time I'd been down to my car, and the bill is only like $40!!! I can actually afford to pay that, and my parking tickets!! And then I'll have money left over from my paycheck, so I might actually be able to buy people Christmas presents!! So yeah - yay for today!!!!!

So tired - i have to figure out when I'm going to get my car towed out of here, I'll need at least a few hours of free time cause I'll need to wait for the tow truck, then ride with him to my mechanic, then get a ride back from my parents (my mechanic is like 400 yards from my house). I might have time after practice today, I'll have to wait and see. I hope it's fixable, and that it doesn't cost too much. Cause I have NO money.

One thing that really sucks is that everyone I know goes out all the time and stuff to eat and get ice cream and to shop and all that. I did that last year too. Now I don't even have money in savings.... sad. I need to get my second (third?) job going soon, maybe over break I can get another job too, although that would seriously suck big time and I don't know who would hire me for just 2 weeks because I'm leaving for the training trip on Jan. 1st... oh well. Time to get back to work....

I can't help but feel the pressure
Pushing on my chest.
It's a heavy burden that I
Can't lay down to rest.

Not one thing is going smoothly
In my life these days-
All I know is that I've fucked up
In too many ways.

Now I'm clawing at this dead weight,
Hoping to get free,
But escape from past mistakes might
Cause the death of me...

So I just got back from Harry Potter, I really enjoyed it!! I thought the first one was better, but I also saw that one before I read the book, and with this one it was the other way around. Still it was totally hilarious, and I adored it. Right now I'm about to go out again, probably not a good idea due to my 3 hours of sleep last night and the fact that we have a meet tomorrow, but oh well I'm a glutton for punishment. This is going to be a fun/ busy weekend. I have a meet tomorrow at 1, then lisa and i are driving down to Tech cause Bella has our first away concert!! And of course we're partying down there, and then driving back the next morning.

So my car broke yet again this morning. I suppose it was only a matter of time before it happened, but still. I mean I put almost $700 into keeping that thing running this summer, and there it goes again.... Ugh. Well, it's not a huge problem this time at least. Just a coroded battery cable that needs replacing. And I'm glad that it died as I was scraping the windows, rather than when I was halfway to work. I didn't have to push it anywhere, to wait for any towtrucks, or any other crap like that which I've had to deal with in past instances of car trouble.

On another note, I think that Rob is the nicest boy ever and I definately don't deserve everything that he does for me. It's kinda crazy sometimes. I was having the worst day ever on Tuesday, and he surprised me by showing up here with cheesecake and flowers... I never have the time to reciprocate, and he doesn't seem to mind. Sometimes it even makes me feel kinda bad, cause I really haven't done anything to warrant this kind of care. But honestly it make me love him even more...

So right now I'm totally procrastinating on this whole brit lit take home. I have to read all of Paradise Lost by Milton, learn some terms, memorize some dates, and then sit my ass down for three hours and actually take the test. Wish me luck....

Another day in my life has passed, and I ask myself, what did I accomplish today? At least today I did do a few things, but yeah. I'm tired, and I'm going to take a short nap before Bella.

The one thing that I probably hate the most is crying in front of people. And today I was closer to bursting into tears after I left Spanish than I've been in a long time. Thank God it was raining. I think sometimes I expect too much from myself, andd maybe sometimes I expect too much from my professors, but today was horrible beyond expectation. I got lectured about my participation grade by one professor (not due to my actual participation of course, which is excellent because I always speak up in class, ?), and slapped in the face with a horrible grade on a huge paper by another. I don't understand anymore. What I do know is this - I'm not double majoring, and from now on I refuse to take more than 4 classes a semester. Even if they're all easy. Because the amount of time I will have saved by not being in class for 3 hours will be worth it. Who knows, maybe I'll actually find the time to study. I'll be able to graduate in 4 years no problem, I'm already way ahead of most sophomores when it comes to getting entrenched in major classes. So yeah, that's all I have to say about today. It really sucked, and I can't go to bed yet and cry about it because I absolutely have to study/ read for my brit lit take home...

So in looking for some files this morning, I found this poem. It's rather interesting. It was an assignment for my AP Lit class in 12th grade, where we had to take a poem and rewrite it using the same words, but making it into a completely different poem. I think I was mentally disturbed in high school....

2-6-01

Over the edge

A hundred dark trees in the north and
slopes with snow in the distance and
sweat and spit and snow and the trees.
The sweat froze on One,
One looked about, and ran.
One working afraid with sweat,
One over the edge
growing fat and afraid with sweat.
Snowflakes trail down, down
on the canyon
over the edge.
Someone stopped between
the One of sweat and the trees and the snow.
Someone fat and afraid,
a hollow shell.
A stomach and a heart and ribs
on the branches
pulled from Someone fat and afraid and
over the edge.
A hollow shell and
a hundred dark trees in the north and
snowy slopes and crowded trees and
Someone afraid.

Ok, I realize that I'm a big dork because I have an online diary and I like to ramble daily about shit that nobody really cares about, but I do know that at least somebody reads my rantings cause I've had a lot of freaking visits to this site (seeing as how it's not really an important one...). And it would be really nice if you one of you visitors (sister dear!) could just sign the guestbook to let me know that you stopped in, and tell me how stupid/ psycho/ insanely intelligent i am. Thanks:)

I feel like singing today; not sure why but I'm just in one of those moods. I'm so excited about next weekend though. Cause Bella is going to Tech to sing in a concert, and it's our first time doing something like this. We had an extra rehearsal last night, and during Goodbye to You we sounded AMAZING!! So all of you MWC people need to come see us at our concert here on December 5th in Monroe 104!!! But yeah, I just really feel like singing, and dancing around outside in the rain. It's thundering and lightninging outside, and I ADORE storms. We never get them in the fall or winter usually, so this is an awesome treat!! I wrote a poem about storms once, way back in elementary school. It's way corny, but hey I was like 9 years old, and at least I understood how to write using meter and rhyme, without knowing the logistics behind them. If I find the poem I'll post it later today... not sure where it is right now and I dont think it's on my website, oh well it's time for a quick nap....

What an interesting weekend. Here's the recap: Friday night; after practice Lisa-Marie and I got together to arrange Just a Girl by No Doubt cause we really want to sing it in Bella. After fussing with it forever, we realized how much easier it would be if we started with sheet music, so we wouldn't be guessing at the key and the beat... So I'm going to try to find it online. But after that we went back to her apartment cause Amanda invited a whole bunch of us swimteam girls over to watch Harry Potter and polish off her bottle of wine... That was definately a good time:) Then Rob picked me up and I stayed the night at his house... Things are definately going well between us. It's so strange, but we get along better now than we did when we were dating... But yeah, so Saturday I had practice in the morning, then the girl's team went to IHOP cause the boys had a meet but we didn't, then we came back to watch the meet - Lisa and Stiffler and I sang the National Anthem again, and after the meet was the 3rd annual boys team vs. girls team keg race. Definately an interesting time!! The boys won this year, but not by much, and in all honesty it was probably due to our ghetto tap, it was like all foam and it broke twice, other than that we didn't stop for a second. In fact, we had several girls doing keg stands waaaaay longer than any of the guys. It was a mad blast. Then we partied forever after that, with fun dancing and drinking games and etc - it was a great night:) Rob came to the party for a little while cause there were some people that I wanted him to meet, then we left and went to eat at Friday's, then we went back to his house. And i actually got to sleep all night:) So it was a good weekend, definately interesting, and definately good.

Today was not a good day. I'm incredibly pissed about my spanish test, which was way different from the first one, which i studied off of. Then my finite professor totally held class over, making me late to practice. And I didn't have time to eat lunch. All I have to say is grrrr.

So I'm procrastinating something awful right now, I have a huge Spanish test at 12:30 that i basically need an A on, and of course I started studying this morning and I haven't gotten very far at all.... Sigh. I just hate studying. I feel like I should be able to go to class, learn the shit, and that's it. No extra time of my own, not like I have any....
I took some survey this morning about motivation, and it was funny cause at the end there were some demographic questions.... and I just had to laugh at my answers: the first one asked if I did a sport and how many hours a week I did it; and i figured about 25 hours for swimming (that includes locker room time of course); the next one asked if I did other extracurriculars like clubs and how many hours I spent a week on that, and I figured about 7 if you count Bella, debate, and HC (more depending on trials and extra rehearsals); and then if I had a job and how many hours I spent a week doing that; and that's 4 hours but about 6 if you count driving time. So if you add all that up it comes to 38 hours, a week only has 168 hours, and if you take out 42 hours for sleeping (@ 6 hrs a night), and 15 hours for classes, that leaves 73 hours, and take out eating time (i love to eat) which is about 15 hours and that leaves about 58 hours. I guess that seems like a lot, but then there's also church on the weekends, partying on the weekends (which takes at least 6 hours if not more) shower time, dressing time, walking time, etc, and when you come down to it I probably have like 10 free hours a week. And people wonder why I don't do homework.... And also the time I spend blogging and procrastinating like right now:) lol - back to the books i guess...

Just another little metaphorical poem about my life. I'm feeling slightly melancholic today, and incredibly overwhelmed and painfully numb. All for different reasons of course, that I don't really feel like bitching about. Someone asked me yesterday why I'm always smiling, why I always seem so happy. I suppose that my answer to that is: take a look at me now.

I live in a house of glass.
The walls became cracked
And the glass grew holes.
I tried to fill in the holes with sand.
But it just poured out the other side,
Scattering accross the Earth.
I must have made a mistake,
Trying to fill my holes with sand.
And now I search for something
stronger and permanent.
Something that will not blow away
And be swept out to the sea
With the rising of the tide.

Another monday, another rainy fall day where I'm unable to fully appreciate the fall foliage... sigh. So I never actually said much about this weekend - and I probably should because it was a mad blast. First of all, we had meets on Friday and Saturday, and we won both!! And I'm doing pretty well, not as well as I would like, but I think I'm expecting too much. I mean I'm swimming right near my best times EVER, and that's not too damn bad. Of course my best times ever aren't fast, but they're like 4 years old and it feels great to be back down there again. Saturday night was insane. First, I hung out at Lisa-Marie, Jen, Amanda, and Dave's apartment for a kind of pre-party. That was a definate blast, and we all got pretty darn tipsy there. Then we went to some friend of Dave's apartment in Greenbriar, and played some drinking games there like fuck the dealer. FYI - any card game involving the word fuck and alcohol is not a good idea. haha. So yeah, we drank a whole bunch more there. Then we went to Justin' house, which wasn't really a party but rather a gathering of friends. And we drank some more there. I fell on my ass outside and scraped up my elbow, and did some crazy drunk dancing. And laughed a lot. It was definate fun. Lisa and I decided that we have to do it again, soon. So yeah - that was my night basically summed up. Started drinking around 8:30, and got back to my room around 2:30. That's the way all weekends should go:)

So yeah, um, about last night. I think I am a whore now.... lol. Oh well. Cause I definately didn't sleep alone last night... So now here I am, Sunday night, reflecting on my weekend, and thinking HOLY SHIT. Cause that's what kind of a weekend it was.... And those are really the only words that I have. Oh my. If you want the whole story you'll just have to IM me and ask me for it, or call me cause I tell stories much better over the phone or in person... And this is definately a story worth telling. Many times. Haha. No I'm not a lunatic, but yeah. Last night (this morning actually) was just indescribable on here. Cause either I'd have to heavily edit using mad euphemisms, or I just wouldn't be able to accurately explain myself and leave you screaming WHY? WHY? and ripping your hair out (because I know you care THAT much about my soap opera life..;) But dear me - I seem to have taken my already far-too-complicated life and made it waaaaaay more complicated. And I can't figure out if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But I do know one thing - it was a wonderful night. And I wouldn't ever take back anything that happened...

wow i'm really trashed right about now. and sad cause i don't have anyone to sleep with tonight. I suppose if i acted more like a whore i probably would, but i just don't do that. so yeah - bed time by myself is crappy:(

Still friend sick, wishing that I were in Cali going on fucking quests w/ AJ, or in Ohio clubbing on the flats w/ Linds... or even down in Newport, sitting on my ass in my sis's apartment cause it's too cold for the beach. Sigh.

I was updating my site the other day, and I saw this poem. It has a fall feeling to it, even though I wrote it in the Winter. But yeah I thought it kinda fit the season, and it's a different type of poem than the other ones that I've been posting lately. It has nothing to do with my current state of mind - but it's all good:)

Alone

Leaves rustle quietly,
Loudly around the place
where I am sitting
with myself.
I am thinking quietly,
Loudly about my thoughts
in this place where I am sitting
completely alone with myself.
Tell me what the leaves are
thinking quietly, loudly,
about me and myself.
About me and the leaves,
Quiet, Alone, Together.

(2-27-2000)

Poetry

Happy Halloween - or not. We'll see. I'm not partying tonight, instead I'm going out to eat with my fam, and then going with my lil bro to trick-or-treat at the mall (my parents don't like the cold). But that should be over by 9ish, and then I'll be back here. Now, since we have a meet tomorrow, and early morning practice, I could be a good girl and go to bed then. Or, I could go find someone to party with - no frat party tonight cause it costs $10, and that's a little more dinero than I have at the moment, and I'm not a bum... Oh well. I just wish it were warmer....

We had an interesting brit lit class today. I adore my professor - she's so smart, and funny - and I want to be just like her one day. Able to teach without needing anything other than my brain, to know and be able to quote so many awesome works without a second thought - she's just so amazing. But yeah I'm getting off track - we were discusing John Milton (wrote Paradise Lost), and these two poems that he wrote: L'Allegro and Il Penseroso; which is Italian and means The Mirthful and The Melancholy - respectively. At any rate, he compares the virtues of living as 1) always happy or as 2)always sad, pensive, and contemplative. And through these poems we got into a huge discussion of classical literature and popular culture, and how it's not cool to be happy. How laughing at funerals is wrong, how things are bad if they are not "serious" enough, etc. I won't bore with all of the details of our discussion, but it was incredibly thought-provoking. We also discussed how writers are never truly sane or happy people (at least not the good ones). Faulkner probably never wrote a word sober, Donne was in a constant state of agony over his calling and his desires, etc. And how writers write when they're depressed, when things aren't going that well - because if they were happy then they wouldn't have anything to write about. And it's like I've always noticed about my own writing. I don't write happy poems for the most part. They're either really depressing - in the case of most of my love poetry, or melancholy and introspective - in the case of my nature poetry. I can write funny poems, but they're not any good:) So yeah - maybe this is a sign that I was meant to write. I've never tried to run my work by any kind of authority, I enjoy my poetry and I'd rather not see it ripped to shreds... But at the same time, how will I know if I'm any good? I've always wanted to be a writer, from way back in first grade - it was always my first dream. I actually won some kind of writing contest in kindergarten, and a poem that I wrote in 5th grade got published. I'm going to try to force my way into some writing classes next semester, so I can get a professional opinion on my work; but for now I guess I'll just keep writing for me - and for anyone else that feels like reading my rantings and unintelligable poetry. (which you can check out by going here , most of the poems are older ones cause I haven't updated the site in a while, but they're dated (for the most part) and maybe I'll get on and add a few recent ones soon.)

Going on 7 hours of sleep in the past 2 days (total) is not fun. I'm considering skippinh my 11 am, but right now I have to go sit for Honor Council President elections; yeah fun right? Sigh, it's 39 degrees outside right now. Way too damn cold. I need sleep....

How is it that I always manage to procrastinate on everything I have to do? I have this Spanish paper due tomorrow, and I haven;'t even started typping it, and I have to get up for work way too early - ugh. And yeah - not happy cause they denied my appeal for my parking ticket, which I now have 7 days to pay, and no money. Life is just wonderful.

I don't think that I'm a morning person, but I'm in such a good mood right now! I think it probably has a lot to do with the fact that when I was leaving my room this morning, one of my clocks said 6am, but the other one said 7am - it was daylight savings this weekend, and I got an extra hour of sleep (kinda). So I don't even need to take a nap right now, I feel so refreshed and awake (and corny...), which kinda sucks cause my roommate's not here and so it owuld be way too easy for me to sleep - but it's all good. So I'm thinking about lofting my bed. Might put a cramp in my love life, but at the same time maybe it should - I think I need to back off of this mad rebounding kick that I've been on since July. It's time for me to stop obsessing over how many boy I have and to start concentrating on things that really matter, like school work and all of my other responsibilities that have gone sadly neglected this year. If it means staying in one weekend and doing homework (gasp!), then so be it. But yeah I need to start cracking my whip over my own back rather than... nevermind. It's going to be a beautiful day....:)

So I've been getting friend-sick lately - I miss my girls TONS!! Aj and Linds - you guys are way too far away!! You should know that VA is the state to be in!!! So come back!! Now!! Sigh - don't think that's going to work, but oh well. At least AJ and I are hanging out over Winter Break - don't know when Linds is coming next:/ We were discussing cliques yesterday after the meet, and I think it's wierd how I've never really belonged to one. Or at least not that I've noticed - if I do you should really let me know - but yeah. Because people were saying how cliquey MWC is, and honestly I think I'm totally oblivious to all of it. I never notice these things at all, not in high school, not here. Maybe I just totally suck at reading body language, but I hang out with a ton of different groups and I always (for the most part) feel accepted by them - and isn't it a trait of cliques not to accept outsiders? Or maybe I just don't understand what a clique is.... Yeah this is way too much thinking for a Sunday morning!

It's been a long long long day - I attempted to drown some of my sorrows tonight with alcohol, but that didn't work very well - i wouldn't recommend it for anyone, especialy no one as much of a light weight as I am, well at any rate it's time for me to go to sleep cause I never seem to get sleep on Saturday nights so I guess I'll make this one different. I also don't usually spend Saturday nights alone, but oh well I should probably stop whoring myself and learn to live with the fact that people who aren't in relationships usually sleep alone....

Ok so I added a guest book on here (copying off AJ's site cause she's the coolest!), so you better sign it!!! Thanks:)

I would be napping right now, but due to the fact that my roommate is the world's most inconsiderate person, that's not happening. I hate inconsiderate people. It just pisses me off so much. Her alarms goes off over and over and over and over again. She hits the snooze button every ten minutes, sometimes for more than an hour. I don't understand. Yeah - I used to hit the snooze button at least 3 times when I lived at home, but it was just me in my room and I was in the basement so I didn't have to worry about waking anyone up. Now that I'm here, it goes off once and I'm out of bed. Plus - she never tells me when she's leaving for the night. I'll just be here and she doens't come back. It's great that she's never here, but at the same time I wish she would tell me when she's not going to be here so that I can plan accordingly. Plus - I worry like my mother, and when she doesn't come back I always think something bad has happened. Oh well. No point in stressing. Maybe I'll write later - we have our first dual meet today, here, against Marymount. I'm pretty excited. Wish me luck:)

Since I've been on a poetry kick this week (probably due in no small part to the fact that we're covering poetry right now in Brit Lit - especially Donne, who's one of my faves), I decided to add a poem on here that I wrote last year. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I'm feeling at the moment, but I've been thinking a lot lately about last year and the fun times with my girls, and this was one of those times.

Lost Souls

Beneath the stars they laugh like children.
To their cars they spring with youth.
Drive off to bars that turn them out,
They live the farce that we have made.

Between the years of rank and priveledge,
Fraught with fears that hold them down.
Allowed no tears, no breath nor space,
They turn their ears away from us.

Lost souls are they in fights unending.
Forced to stay from all they please.
Too old to play, to young to live,
They lose their way and wander still.


It's not the happiest poem, but it reflects how so many young people react to society, and it's kind of my commentary on the uselessness felt by that 18-20 age group. It sucks. Maybe I'll add another poem later, a happy one. But I supposed that first I would need an excuse to write one, and at the moment I don't really have one.

Ahhh!! I just got the best news ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! I no longer owe money!!!!! (well except for my credit card bill and a few other incidentals, but hey it's a lot less than i thought i owed....) I'm so happy right now. This horrible cloud of depression anytime that someone mentions anything involving money has just been lifted. I mean it's still going to be extremely tight this year - I'm $900 behind where I should be due to extenuating cell phone circumtances (if you don't know about all of that drama just ask) - and I have no money right now to pay for any book next semester - but hey it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. As long as my parents can afford to pay for next semester without my help (which I pray to God they can) then I'm all set I think. I don't have to hide my tears now everytime someone says they're going out to eat, or out to a movie, or shopping. I don't really have expendable income - but I can see the light! Maybe someday soon I will!! As soon as I start my 3rd job next semester ...haha.

See what Care Bear you are./a>

No more I promise:) I think I've had my share of short quizzes for the month...:)

I'm How British Are You?!

I know the differences between Brits and Americans, and I'm just so glad to tell you all about them. I won't say too much, though, or I'll exceed my daily bandwidth limit. Again.

Click here to find out which test you are!

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

This quiz says absolutely nothing about your personality. Take it!

Taking a page out of Rachel's book - she who is the ultimate test taker...

So I've taken to posting more often than before - a reflection of my inner brain workings to some great extent. I never feel the need to write when my life is just happening, not exciting or depressing. But something good or bad happens, and then I get this mad itch as if I can't resist the urge to post. The only frustrating thing about this is that I really don't come clean on here. I'm a private person for the most part, and so when I have interactions with people that I know read this - I often hesitate to write about it. I hate to offend, to cause controversy, and to let people know what's really going on inside of my head. So that's when I turn to poetry. I can be all metaphorical without revealing too much, and if I write something directed at a person or persons, they may or may not be able to decipher it but at least I got it out of me.... I love writing symbolically. But yeah - I think that's enough for this morning - I have a feeling that I'm going to be busting out another poem today or tomorrow, depending on how my current situation unravels - we'll see. And I just have to give mad props to AJ, cause her blog is amazingly personal and she's not afraid to say anything. I wish I could do the same - I miss you girl! Your honesty has always been a refreshing point for me....

I've discovered that pulling one's hair out -- while momentarily satisfying -- makes for an interesting look. Anyone have a wig I can borrow? Not sure how long this will take to grow back....

Will you let me smile at you?
Will you let me hold your hand?
Will you let me dance all night?
Will you try to understand?
So unfinished is my life but
Nothing matters when you're near-
Let me drift away with you,
Show me I have naught to fear.

Wow. That's all I can say about this weekend. It was so amazing. I can't believe that I missed out on all of the fun of homecoming weekend last year - but at the same time I'm kinda glad. I would not have had as much fun - there are soooo many amazing people here at Wash, and I love them all to death. Friday night we had a relay meet, our first meet of the season (aside from frosh-varsity), where we stepped it up to a whole bunch of Division I schools like Georgetown and George Washington. We definately held our own. The Navy women are the butchest chicas in the world, and couldn't probably fold me into a pretzel without breaking a sweat. They were just wow. I did really well, going faster than I have in the past 4 years - so I'm really excited about this season. Saturday was the homecoming soccer game, the Carbon Leaf concert, fireworks, and parties up the ass. It was sooooooooo much fun. I got pretty toasted at the frat party by some frat alumnus who was probably trying to get me into bed - thank God Shannon and I were still able to walk and we left and went to a swimmer party. We hung out there a while as I tried to sober up - and then we got a ride home from one of the sweetest guys on the planet. It was basically one of the best weekends ever. I had an amazing time that night - and I just want to thank all of you beautiful people who helped it happen!! I love you guys!!

It's a wobbly world,
Tipsy-turvy, spinning-curvy.
Up and down's the rule
And straight is strange
So just don't go there.

Another day in the life of me - wow what a day it was too. There's this sniper running around shooting people in Maryland and VA, and so far he's shot two people way too close to home to think about. Scary as hell, lemme tell you. The guy who was shot this morning died, and he was just pumping gas at a gas station literally within walking distance of where i work. It's really scary. Everyone is afraid to go anywhere or do anything, like pump gas, walk down the street, get in their cars, etc. I'm incredibly pissed off about it too, because it seems to me the motive behind all of this is to instill fear - and it's working pretty damn well. And I hate it. We shouldn't have to be fearful to walk down the street, not in this country, not in the proximity to the nation's capital. Honestly, what does this say about what our country is coming to? Ok enough from me about this - if you live around here please be careful, and if not please pray for those of us that do....

Rachel's 21st birthday was yesterday, and her best friend Jen (Jeni) and I drove down to Newport News to celebrate with her. I had so much fun - but it's sad cause I miss Rach tons. I haven't really seen her much since I spent a week up there back in May. The party was fun fun fun, however it was interesting because Rach has this one friend who's a Nazi about drinking, and since CNU is a dry campus we couldn't drink at her party till he left - which wasn't till about midnight or so. But Rachel is in a state of perpetual drunkenness - so we had a good time. We played twister, cranium, and sat around and read insults from this funny book and deep thoughts by jack handey. I did a killer job decorating her living room though, with pretty streamers and balloons and everyone complimented me on how great it looked and FYI I'm available for Birthdays, Weddings, Baby Showers, etc... Ok so enough plugs - one of Rachel's coworkers brought over these cute mini wines and we had fun with those. Oh!!! And I had fun with the punch. We just kinda made it up with concentrate and lotsa sprite, it turned out really well mostly because we cut up a lemon, lime, orange, and kiwi and floated them in the punch bowl and it looked and tasted great (though taste always comes secondary to looks). I actually have to say that the party was the most fun before we started drinking - though that could be because a lot of people left before the alcohol came out, and when you're sober acting stupid is that much funnier. And I have to say that Jeremy is the funniest introvert ever. Oh and also I gave Rachel a condom for her birthday in this little tin from AJ (Rach says thanks!) along with an instructional booklet just in case;)
Ok I also had a good weekend because I spent 4.5 hours in the car talking to Jenn, which was totally a great time. We talked about so many things, from religion to boys to news to life to our majors to our school to money issues and so on. It was a lot of fun, because Jen's a lot like Rach, so I get some of the same reactions from her. Plus, I don't have really any idealist or rational friends (kiersey personality sorter, ask rach) and it's fun to spin philisophically once in a while, because I hardly ever do it and I'm pretty in touch with whatever letter it is that would make a person an idealist (sorry rach, I know I'm an embarrassment because I have yet to memorize both volumes of Please Understand Me). But I need to do homework and stop typing - not like anyone wants to read anymore of my rambling anyways:) Tata!!

One more thing- thanks to my parents who should be disowning me for my utter stupidity and instead somehow seem to understand.

This week was going well. I was getting sleep, it was warm, my tests were over. But then yesterday happened, and it was like all of the stress and anxiety and desolation of last week times ten million. Thank God for Lindsay, and for everyone else that has been helping me. And thank God for continually showing me over the last few hours why I really am so lucky and shouldn't let my problems, no matter how catastrophic they may seem, get me down. Thank you Katie for the card - it means a lot to me. And it's funny, how when I got up today I was looking in the mirror and thinking, can it get any worse? and then I broke my pretty purple mirror - so the answer is yes. It's a good thing I'm not superstitious.

I figured it's about time I write a happy blog (or at least attempt to) - so here goes: I'm extremely happy that my new roommate decided to go home this weekend - she still hasn't moved any of her stuff in but that's no biggie... Slightly annoying however cause I don't know when we're going to discuss the room arrangement. But I am actually kind of looking forward to moving the room around. The way it is right now there's some wasted space - and I've been thinking about it and I can see a whole bunch of new possibilities, one of which she will hopefully like. Tonight is meet the team for swimming - where the new swimmers go from house to house to house doing different drinking games - I'm not all about getting totally trashed, but I talked to the senior girls and they were cool with that. I have a guest coming over tonight and it would really suck if I were passed out or puking or incoherent - so yeah. But anyways, I finished all four of my big test this week, only think I failed one (and did I ever fail it), so I'm happy. Yeah that's all for now:)

I haven't blogged in a while cause I've been insanely busy - not like I'm not busy right not but I have ice on my shoulders and it's hard to do work when i can't realy feel most of my arm... At any rate, this weekend was one of the most insane weekends I've ever had. And I'm not even going to bother telling you what I had to do, because you know me and I'm sure you're really really sick by now of hearing how busy I make myself. Oh well. So to the question; why do you do this to yourself? Honestly, I don't really know. Some part of me feels like it's expected of me. Like I can, so I should, you know? And since I can do a lot of things (though how well I do any of them is questionable), then I just do. And I enjoy them all, but I don't know if I'd be happy without any of them. Like I was just talking to a fellow debater, and she just finished with her first tournament ever. And as she was telling me about how much fun she had, I realized how much I miss it (especially seeing my hot navy boys...). But fitting debate into my schedule right now is so beyond possible that's it's funny. And last night as I was trying not to wig about the coming week, I realized that absolutely nothing I'm doing right now is shooting me down the path I want to take in life. I think I really want to be an editor, or a journalist, or something along those lines, and I haven't done jack to realize that goal. I was thinking about how I really need to get involved with one of the publications here, and how impossible that would be unless I drop something. But what's going to go? Debate is practically gone, though I have been entertaining the idea of returning--that looks impossible. So what else? Honor Council? I can't even begin to think how good that will look on grad school and job applications. Plus I've been thinking that it would be nice to be president... Bella?? I've invested so much time and energy in that group, and the girls are my heart, and I really do want to be business manager one of these days. Swim team? I just got back into it, and i love it more than ever. I've made awesome friends, and I feel like I can accomplish a lot if I stick with it. Work? Now this is one I wouldn't mind getting out of - but I need to money and work needs me, so far there isn't anyone who could take over my Sunday job adequately, and no one wants to take over my morning job because it's too damn early. Washington Guides? I haven't really started with that yet, but it's something that I really want to do, logistics be damned. So where does all of this leave me? I didn't include social life in here, which yes, I do have, and no, I'm not willing to give up. Sigh. I need a good pair of dice I think - though I also know that I'd never be satisfied with the answer and keep tossing them into eternity......

So I haven't blogged in a while - mainly because I've been insanely busy (not like I'm Not busy right now, I'm just procrastinating). Last week was a really long week - but I had an awesome weekend so I can't complain too much. AJ is back from London, so we're hanging out tonight - but unfortunately she's leaving for school like Wednesday:( It makes me very sad - we had a really good time hanging out this summer - though we seem to have bad luck actually Going Out to have fun:) But it's all good - I'm definately going to miss her - and I can't wait till Winter Break!! Cause she'll be back, and we'll be havinga fun sleep over with all the chicas from back in the day, and plus I'll be done with my current bunch of classes. Well I really oughta do some work - ugh sometimes I wish I could be here, and go to classes, but not have any work outside of classes. I mean, a good teacher can teach what needs to be taught in class, right? (don't contradict me, I'm being rhetorical) So yeah - peace.

Ugh. This week is going to kill me. Don't be surprised if this is my last blog ever.... Ok I'll stop being morbid for one second. Seriously though - here's how my week began: Sunday night, tried to go to bed at 11:30, coudln't fall asleep till 12 (or later) because I woke up at noon. Monday morning - wokr up at 4:40AM, went to work, 7:40AM got back to school, grabbed breakfast. 8AM started on homework for the day's classes. 11AM went to first class. 12PM went to lunch with Lauren. 1PM went to Brit Lit. 2PM came back and answered emails and tried to get missed assignments from last Thursday and Friday. 2:30PM went to training room to do shoulder exercises (cause I'm gimpy). 3:15PM went to the pool for practice. 6PM went to dinner with the team. 7PM went to pick up assignment from Combs (a really long walk). 8PM went to Bella. 10:15PM got ice cream with Bella chicas (can you blame me? it was a shitty day...). 10:30PM answered phone messages and got math assignment. 10:45 PM wrote this bitchy blog - will be doing homework till12AM, will wake up at 4:40AM, will go to work, come back, go to 9:30AM meeting, 11AM class, be in class till 3:15, go to the pool, eat dinner, go to debate meeting at 7:30PM, and finally be back in room sometime around 9:30 to start on Wednesday's homework...

So please tell me that you would consider driving your car off a cliff too, that it's not only a chemical imbalance in my brain, and thank God there are no cliffs this far down the East Coast (why am I procrastinating again? Damnit!) See I would be all about the crashing into a tree thing (no driving on the wrong side of the road shit cause people can get hurt that way!) but I've had a similar expereince and believe me it wasn't any fun at all and it made a whole bunch of fire fighters laugh at me and plus I probably wouldn't die I'd jut end up in the hospital for a long time and yeah maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with anything but when I got out of the hospital life would suck even worse and I'd probably have to drop out of school for real and yeah that would blow and I think I'm going to stop know - I'm not crazy I promise I like my life just not this week ok? bye.

Hehe. That's how I feel today, and I need to share my joy with the world!!!!!!!!! Really, I'm not sure why I'm in such a good mood. I mean today was such a long long long day, with far too little time to relax. But I enjoyed my classes, I got to sit at the club carnival and talk to lots of people, which always makes me happy!!! I sat at the tables for the Honor Council, BellACappella, and debate (each for short amounts of time). And once, at the Bella table, we sang a few songs until we forgot the words and then we just laughed at ourselves. Hehe. It was also a pretty day; it was sunny and warm and there were birds and guys with no shirts on and.... hehehehe. Ok I need to stop. So am I bipolar, you ask? Um, I have yet to determine that but stay tuned....
Yeah so I apoligize for my unprecedented melancholy blog yesterday, I was just in a self-pitying mood brought on by the fact that it was sunday and that my normal sunday routine from last year is obsolete. But it's all good, cause I'm uncharictaristically happy for a monday!!! And due to my dreary mood of yesterday, I never got to tell about all the fun times that were had this weekend. First of all, Aj and I hung out every night and that was totally groovy. Second of all, I got slightly imbibed on saturday night and had a blast at a party, only to come back to campus and have one of those embarrassing scenes that make you want to not show your face the next day (which led in part to my shitty mood yesterday). But yeah, Im not going to describe that here cause I already told most people once or twice and if you REALLY wanna know then you know how to get ahold of me... Ok, so I think I need to stop now before I type any more "hehe's" . Peace!!!!!!!!!

Why is it that when the weather sucks so does my mood? These past few days I've been in really blah moods - punctuated by the occasional high point of going out at night or talking to friends - but other than that generally not-fun. Actually I have a feeling that I'm exaggerating here, and that my mood as of late has been cheery, but not today so oh well. I just hate this feeling of being cold (damn broken AC) and being alone in my room. I didn't ask for a single damnit!! I would have loved to be alone last year I suppose - but freshman year is so different in that no one knows anyone else and so everyone on the hall hangs out together, goes to meals together, and the like. I'm not inclined to be a solitary person, even though I do enjoy my alone time - I just like it to be on my terms. When I want to sit back and read a book or clean one evening, great. When I want to hang out with friends, go somewhere, or grab a bite to eat - it sucks now because it's hard to find people to do it with. Everyone that I know is good friends with their respective roommates; and so they do everything together. Minus one or two people, but in those cases the persons I know happen to be introverted so aren't all about company all the time. I've begun to really hate my hall too, because it's so close-doored. The doors don't stay open on their own, so I have no idea who lives on my floor, or even in my dorm. I leave my door open most of the time, propped, and people stop by and whatnot, but seeing as how I'm on the fourth floor I don't really get a ton of traffic. Whatever. And this not having a roommate thing sucks when I want to go to dinner. I have to im friends who live all the way accross campus and ask if they want to go eat, and they usually invite me along with them and their roommates, but I can't avoid feeling like an interloper. I suppose it's partly my own fault, I'm not the type to travel in packs, and even though I know a ton of people few of them are close enough friends for me to hang out with constantly, as I did with Lindsay last year. We always went to meals, drank hot tea together, drove around the 'burg looking for something interesting to do, and stuff like that. Finding another friend with the same qualities is impossible, and finding someone who's down with a similar close friendship is almost impossible among friends with ready-established friendships. Sigh, I realize that I'm compaining right now, but the weather sucks and plus I figured typing would help to warm up my hands slightly. I'd kind of wanted to do something tonight, but those plans appear to be shot due to the fact that I haven't heard from a certain someone all day. Whatever. I'm tired, and I'm really sick of doing homework. I think I'll go back to my hot tea and try to stay warm in this ice box that is also my room.

So the first day of classes is over, and I'm already feeling overwhelmed. So sad, considering I only had 2 classes today. But it was definately a day for news and olds. New experiences like walking all the way accross campus several times and getting my first taste of swimteam life through a though-provoking team meeting. Old experiences like lunch with Luar, and seeing all the chicas from 2nd floor Mason, and chowing down in the bistro at Seco. I have an interesting mix of classes too, some insanely hard that I'm determined to get an A in because I will, damnit, graduate with a 4.0 in major, and some pretty darn easy classes that I'm taking 'cause they're required but could prove to be fun after all (though I am not including math class in this assesment, I haven't been there yet and we all know how much lisa hates math). At any rate, this semester will prove an interesting balancing act. How well can Lisa handle 2 jobs, 5 classes, an a cappella group that seems to be falling apart at the seams, 9 swimming practices a week, debate (though whether I'll do policy or public debate has yet to be determined), Honor Council, and a killer social life that-- as a requirement --must include clubs and parties and boys? Haha. Time will only tell, so stay tuned . . .

Honestly, I'm giving it 3 weeks before my first nervous breakdown, but hey, let's be optomistic and call it 4!!!

Today was pretty emotional. Most of the uperclassmen moved in today, the rest come in tomorrow. It was happy and sad. Happy because I got to see everyone with whom I haven't spoken all Summer, or maybe just once or twice briefly on aim, and sad because I realized how mch I am going to miss Linds. Everyone knows their roommate now, and so everyone is hanging out with their roommate and suitemates; and I don't have a roomy. I know, I need to quit feeling sorry for myself, but whatever. I can't help it. It's sad. Sigh. Tonight I'm going to visit a friend though, and hopefull that will cheer me up;)

"This better bring you some good karma." Direct quote from a friend as we moved my stuff from my nice, big room with nice, big closets to a small, cramped room with small, cramped closets and an AC that seems to think warmer means colder and colder means warmer. Sigh* Nothing fits in my closet any more, being half the size of the one I've been using for the past 2 weeks. And another bad note, I may be getting an insane roommate. My building's HR informed me that there is a chick on the Women with a Voice floor in Ball Hall (all-female upperclass dorm) that feels the hall violates her religious beliefs, and that said chick may become my new roommate. Wonderful. Can my day get any better? I think not....

So I've been at school for almost a week now, without Lindsay:(, and it's been going pretty well. I love the freedom of being on my own and being able to come and go as I please, the one sucky thing is that I have no food and my meals haven't started yet, oh well. I look at is this way - I'm working on shrinking my stomach;) At any rate, Linds is coming to visit me on Monday and staying for a few days, and after that everyone else comes back, so it should be pretty cool. And then after that AJ comes back, and we'll have mad fun hitting up the MWC parties and going to DC for clubbing fun. Also, I've got to say a big THANK YOU to Jenn for keeping me sane during "Debate Hell Week." By virtue of the fact that (how many clichés can Lisa use in one sentence?) we're both slackers and can't hold our alcohol at all, we've been doing some mad crazy bonding. It's a ton of fun. We're also in a guy race, haha if you want details on that you'll have to ask, let's just say it seems we have the same taste in men lately:) allrighty that's it for now.....

I'm in such a bad mood right now. I can't even explain how angry I am and how much damage I feel like doing to my beloved school. My best friend/ intended roommate will not be coming back to school this year. My good friend Tim and his intended roommate, who were supposed to live in my hall, aren't coming back this year - all for the same fucking reason.
financial aid. I didn't get any either, but at least I have a few merit scholarships. It's going to be a really tight year. Grrrrr. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm supposed to move in tomorrow, but my room is designated as an RA's room, and I'm not an RA. And I had so many hopes and plans for this year. I was so excited about living with Lindsay. We were going to share clothes and take trips to the fun lights at Central Park at 5am, and do fun best chica stuff. Sigh. And no more Velvet clubbing with Tim. I'm going to miss these guys soooo much. I'm soo pissed. I'm going to be alone for these first 2 weeks too, I was so looking forward to chilling with Lindsay every night. ok i can't type any more. i'm just too upset. night.

Well today was my last day of work at Curtis Park for the Summer. I think it was a pretty good summer too. A lot less drama than last year, and a good bit more money. I was kinda annoyed that I wasn't in charge, but oh well:) Can't run everything. We'll see if I work there again next summer. I would kinda like to, just because I like the people there, and I had an awesome time this summer. But we'll see, maybe I'll get a real job;) I can't wait to get back on campus. I feel so much freer then, because I come and go when I want to. Like I want to go out RIGHT NOW, but of course it's 12:30 and my rents would shit a brick. So I'm stuck here. It bites. Oh well, I need to stop complaining and cheer up. I get to see Linds again, who I have missed dearly all summer. And AJ will be home again soon so we can chill. Ahh thinking of the future.............

At any rate, I would just love to send big kisses (and bubbles cause they're cool) out to AJ, who is 3000 miles or so away right now. I miss her tons already (even though she just left this morning) because we had so much fun in the few short months that we chilled together. Work was an interesting, though tiring, experience, and going out and sitting in the art deco of Central Park is always a great way to pass a boring Fred' night. I think it is so wonderful how we were best chicas over 5 years ago, and we still managed to recreate a strong friendship despite the many changes we've both been through. After college, it's hard to find things to talk about with old friends, but not so with AJ.We had a most excellent time clubbing the other night too, there were more single guys there than I have ever seen in my entire life. It was insane. People were trying to dance with one of us (mostly AJ - hehe on the boob glitter) like every other second. It was one of those summer memories that I know I'll be thinking about in the coming months when I'm bored and sick of school and wishing it was summer again. I can't wait till AJ comes back so we can chill some more and go to a whole bunch of other clubs and go to VA Beach and just have lots of fun before she has to leave again. We've already got plans for Vegas when we turn 21 too, and right now I'm just excited about the future I guess (and I'm also insanely tired so I apologize for making absolutely no sense) and I have a feeling that the next week is going to be terrible because its my last week of work, after that I go back to school and so I'm working all week; I haven't had a full day off since last Saturday and I won't be getting one till next Monday (move-in day) subsequently after which I will be imersed in the wonderful world of debate research when you spend all day reading legal briefs and newspaper articles about treaties that really don't matter much in my little bubble of a world. OK I think that's enough for tonight. I miss you AJ! and all of my friends from school, who I will be seeing in a few short weeks!!!!!!!!

I am the imfamous elves (of the shoemaker)!

Find your fairy tale character at kelly.moranweb.com.


How is it that I am an elf? Just because I like shoes and I'm short!??! NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am truly passionate.

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

So yesterday I thought I was in car hell, but of course that was before I got the bill. Now I know that I'm in something way worse than car Hell.. I don't even think they have a name for it yet. Don't worry I'll think of one. So not only did my car fail the emissions test ($30), but it had to have a diagnostic ($82) and then I needed a new catalytic converter ($160) plus labor ($120) - which in the end comes out to over $400 dollars!!!! ($424 total including tax) and that doesn't include the registraion or inspection fees!!! Bye Bye 2 weeks of work! GRRRRR is all I have to say about that!
But on a happier note, tonight AJ and I hung out cause she came back form Boston yesterday, and we had a pretty chill time:)

Pebbles in the Road Less Taken
Just a little link to my sister's blog - she actually wrote in it today! And some of it was about me?? What's the deal on that!?!? (if you want to know what I'm talking about you'll just have to go read it for yourself). At any rate, I'm in car HELL. I have to get re-registered and inspected by the end of this month (ha), and in order to do that I have to get the many problems with my car fixed, which is near impossible considering my schedule this summer!!!! I haven't driven my own car to work in like 2 weeks, and tomorrow I have to get a friend to take me because my car is- once again -in the shop. I've already spent close to $150 on a new muffler, emissions test, and inspection. Now I have to spend another $280 tomorrow on getting some thing that I have to have in order to pass the emissions test (wait I also forgot I got a new tire too). I have no idea how I'm going to pay for all of this crap, and still have enough money left over to take care of paying for school, because my rents definately DO NOT have enough money for that. AHHHHHHH!

I'm feeling pretty chipper today. Even though it was a blasé kinda day, with boring rain and a grey sky, I feel happy. Plus most of the people in my life are having good times right now. Rachel went out on 2 dates - with different guys! (even though she doens't consider the 1st one a date, he did so it counts) And the guys she went out with are very good looking too:) I told her to throw the one she doesnt want my way. He's definately a hottie. At any rate, I'm going to call it a night - peace!

Well yesterday I swam in the first day of Summer Awards. Talk about a humbling experience. The oldest people there, second to me, were some 17 year olds. Yay. So there I was, with my made-up times, swimming in like the first heat (the slowest) of every event, and getting my ass kicked by 15 year olds. And let's not forget about the current Rays swimmers, my dad's old unloyal ones, who were kicking my ass and reveling in it. Sigh. At least I was improving on my "coach's times" though. But still, my 200 free was 10 second off my best time. Ouch. My 200 IM was the same. Oh well. I'm leaving in a few mins for day 2, another humbling experience. But I know that I'm doing the right thing, because I haven't once stopped to ask myself why. And that means that I really have missed this as much as I thought, and that I don't regret getting back into training. Even if Coach Kinney doesn't want me to swim for him this year - there's always next year.

I want to go back to school. Lots. I'm moving back in on August 12, nice and soon. Then I don't have to worry about working a gagillion hours a day anymore. It will be so nice to relax. Not like debate week is all that relaxing, but at least more so than my current schedule. Sigh. I'm going to a swimmeet this weekend. Going to embarass myself infront of all the little kids. Howwonderful it will be. I'm too tired to think of anything witty to write today, not like I normally write witty things, but I like to try. I can't even make an attempt at the moment. Oh well.

Don't you hate it when you talk up something as if it's going to be the greatest thing on Earth, but then it turns out to be not that great? Yeah - well that;s what happened to me tonight. Oh well. AJ, Trisha, Lesley, and my fam and I went to see the fireworks at Dahlgren tonight. I recall the fireworks last year being spectacular, and way better than what they managed at Central Park from the previous year, however this year there were several "pauses" when they didn't shoot anything off, and the grand finale wasn't like I expected it to be. Oh well. I still had a blast, I just felt like an ass. It really was great to get together and hang out though, we discussed the differences between our respective colleges, about our roommates, and about old memories. I hope we can get together again, because i really had fun. We've grown up and changed, but we still have the same - this sounds lame i know- "core" personalities that we;ve always had. They've just matured and developed in differen directions. I hope we can all do it again, but with more people that would appreciate the kind of girlie, "remember when" nostalgia that we love so much. Till then I suppose....

I'm feeling overworked, and I had two days off this week! Oh well. Today was the last day of the first session - and I think that it went pretty well. I only had 4 classes though, when last year I usually had 6 or 7. It means less money but more sanity. Next week however, will mean less sanity and more money. I suppose it's a fair enough trade-off:) I'm really excited about tomorrow night - we're having this big swimteam reuinion thingy, with a bunch of old friends. I hope that everyone can come, I left a lot of messages on answering machines tonight and I'm slightly worried that things won't go well. So far I've only got about 6 definate yesses, and while that would be a fun bunch to hang with I was hoping for it to be big! Oh well, I worry far too much. Till tomorrow then!

I realize I haven't blogged in a while, and tonight was pretty interesting so I figured I could write about it. AJ and I went to dinner after work, and we had a really nice time just blabbering about old times and new. I filled her in on some Curtis pool gossip, and we reminisced about way back in the day before she moved away. I'm really glad she's working with me this summer, because it's a little weird without Rachel. I always had her to hang out with over the summer, and now that she's not here I often find myself at a loss for close female companionship. My girls from school are all at their respective homes (I miss you guys!) and my closest friend at the pool from last year is barely working there this summer - which blows tons. But back to tonight, so we were eating at Olive Garden, and Michelle called me. That was a little wierd, because the three of us used to be like the 3 musketeers or whatever, but chele's into too much drugs and crazy shit for me these days. Infact when she called she was driving drunk and high. And i wasn't about to ask her to come to Olive Garden like that, so I told her I was eating with Robbie. If she knew AJ and I were there she might've tried to join us. Oh well. Afterwards, we went to borders and browsed makeup books and other worthless pieces that someone had the audacity to call literature (i'm kidding). Then Billy called AJ, and wanted to hang out. So just as I was about to leave, he pulled up and we ended up talking for a little while longer. It was slightly awkward because I haven't seen or talked to him in so long, and he calls AJ like everyday (long distance too). But who knows, looks like we could all maybe hang out this summer more than once - I think it's interesting that I don't start hanging out with old friends until after I come back from college - definately not what I thought would happen. And it looks like we'll be having a kind of reunion next weekend, with all of my old Rays friends. So if you're one, you're invited just give me a call for details. At any rate, I have to work at 6 am tomorrow, so i'm going to bed:)

Well I haven't posted in a while - so life is going on, today became yesterday a little over an hour ago and next week will be here before I can blink. I always think how time is funny that way. Sometimes I'll pause while I'm doing something, and wonder what I'll be doing the next week. And as I think that, and think about all of the time that passes between now and then, I know that when "then" is here, it will feel like hardly any time has passed, as the day I sat wondering blends into the other days into that nebulous blob called "history" that gets less and less clear with each day it absorbs. I honestly can't imagine being over forty, simply because I don't want to know what it's like having 40 years of memories, when just 19 and 1/2 are hard for me to deal with. And right now, as I puzzle over the future, time doesn't stop for me. It keeps going, and the more time I spend blabbering about philisophical crap like this the quicker the next moment comes and the more time I lose by Thinking rather than Doing (not like I'd be doing anything other than sleeping at this hour, but you catch the drift). And I know that when I write next, this day will be another blur, another blip in the melodrama that is my life, another moment when I sat and wondered rather than got off my ass and did.... Sorry to be so out there, but I saw Fight Club for the first time tonight, and honestly a lot of what the movie had to say I can - not really relate to - but understand. And it made me wonder how many seconds of my life I wasted in moments like this, or if it was really a waste because sometimes thinking is that smartest thing to do.

Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz




Once again I surprise myself.

My car broke down on friday - again. It was pretty horrible this time. I was heading south on Rte. 1, and I hit a huge bump right where it goes over Rte. 3. The car just died, the engine shut off, the lights shut off, and i couldn't restart it, and unfortunately I was in the left lane. There were a ton of cars on the road, and I was heading up hill so I completely lost momentum, so I couldn't get over. I couldn't even put on my flashers or my blinker cause my lights wouldn't work. So there I am, flipping out and trying to call someone, stuck on the bridge in the left land worried about cars flying at me from behind and hitting me. I couldn't reach anybody either, no one answered at home or at Rob's house (where I was heading), it was getting dark (it was after 8:30) and I was stuck all by myself. So I got out to grab my flares, and some guy stopped to help me. It was hard to get the flares out at first cause cars were like 6 deep right on my bumper, trying to get over. I was totally freaked out. Finally a cop stopped by, and stopped traffic long enough for us to push the car over the the side. So we tried to figure out what had happened to my car, i finally got a hold of my dad, called AAA, and then the guy waited with me for my dad to show up, because he didn't want me to be there alone. And believe me when I say that I wasn't arguiing, I'm not stupid. So anyways my dad showed up a little after nine, and we checked out my car, turned out that my battery was so corroded (oops) one of the cables snapped off. So my dad played around with it for a while, found away to get the cord to stay attatched to the battery, and we got my car started. I cancelled the tow truck, and we drove home, with him following me just in case it slipped out again, which is exactly what happened when I went over some train tracks (as slowly as i could manage). The I had to pull over so that we could fix it again, and I finally made it home sometime later. Ugh. It reminded me a lot of the last time I broke down on Rte. 1, ironically I was heading south, but I was a few miles to the north, right at the 17 light. My car started to over heat, and smoke was pouring out of my hood. That time I was in the right lane, but there was no where to go (no shoulder) so I had to get into the left lane and then off into a parking lot. And I called my dad, told him what happened, and he came to check it out. Once again he told me try and drive it home after he put some water in to replace the antifreeze that leaked out. And of course that time I didn't make it home, and had to pull over again because once again there was smoke pouring out of my hood. And that time of course no one was following me home, and my car wasn't drivable so we ended up having to call AAA anyways. That was last summer, and instead of coming from work I was going to it. Go figure. Anyways, I'm actually working during the week now, in the evenings at any rate, and today I have to mail completion certificates to all of my Tsunami kids. Ugh. Wish me luck.

This weekend has sucked sooo badly - and unfortunately it's not even over yet. I got stood up not once, but Twice this weekend by my loving boyfriend. Two days in a row I got all ready to see him and go out - and both times I ended up going nowhere and doing nothing. Last night we were supposed to go walk around downtown and window shop at antique stores in the afternoon, eat in some downtown restaurant, then rent a movie and chill. It didn't happen. I'm just not in a good mood at the moment , and I don't think typing about it helping. Grrr is all i can say at the moment.

Which Kiss Are You?

So this is me - hmmmm. At any rate - things have been slightly more interesting this week - although I feel like I'm turning into a housewife. Ugh. Today I mowed the back lawn and the sides (i did the front last week), I vacuumed almost every common room in the house, washed windows and the tv, did all of my laundry, and made the living room look presentable by removing the layers of accumulated junk from the paino, the tv, the side tables, etc - all after coaching this morning at 6:30. I plan on having a 9-5 job, no doubt, and a maid so I never have to worry about crap like that. But anyways, Rob and I have been going in interesting directions lately, but that's about 100 pages of writing that I don't feel like doing so if you really care then ask me :) His grandmother is dying though - she has a serious form of cancer and she's refusing treatment - she's rather just die. Rob told me he understands how she feels, but I really don't. I don't understand the mentality that would ever allow anyone to give up on anything, especially life which is the most important thing we have (can you tell I'm Catholic?). And i found out from my dad that my Aunt - one of his four sisters, isn't going to last much longer either. She has brittle bone disease, with these lymph nodes draining all of the calcium out of her body and they can't operate to remove them. I can't remember if she lives in LA or Vegas, I think it's LA but it's been a long time since I've seen her. So I may be taking a trip west soon - for a funeral. Not a good time. I feel like everywhere I turn these days there's death - but a big part of me doesn't see death as really a bad thing. It's an inevitable necesity, on the big wheel that turns us all we're born, we live, we die. When we're born some must die to make room for us - and when we die we make room for the future. Maybe I'm a little morbid for seeing it that way, but I dont' think so. At least - it seems to me as one of the less depressing ways to look at death - and staying away from depression is a good thing. I also think I'm feeling so philosophical because I've been reading A LOT lately (i have nothing else to do) and most of the books I read have these deep messages about life and whatnot - and of course that rubs off on me like chalk on cloth (?). Um - I'm going to stop before anyone tries to commit me.

And so the page turns, another uneventful day passes by, and I'm still incredibly bored. I mean, a few things have happened. Rob and I almost broke up (again). Actually, he almost dumped me (again) and followed with a speech saying how he'd never ever ever leave me and he couldn't live without me an etc etc - ironic no? At any rate - I can't believe it's this late in May already!. I feel like I haven't done anything the whole month - and I know that my last day of school was in April, I seriously can't figure out where the time went! The pool opens next weekend, and after that I'll have sold my soul to the county - unfortunately this year I don't have the protection of being a year-round employee - which mean they can work me as much as they want w/out having to pay overitme. Time and half at 10.92 last summer was so damn good too. Oh well. Oh - in that week I got stood up twice too by my former best chica - big surprise there though. I guess it actually kinda makes me feel better, because it just reaffirms why we don't hang out anymore. She used to do it to me all the time, and at least now I can say I honestly don't care. Although I kinda did want to go to the club last night, but I wasn't about to drive my own ass up there and I've been feeling sick so it's probably better that we didn't go. Sigh. I find it funny how some people never change, even though you try your damndest, and you think you're getting somewhere, or that they've grown up at least a little, but no. Things stay the same. They let you down, and then you just have this feeling that things will always be the same. No matter how much they talk about changing, about making things better, it stays the same. Oh well. I apologize for the depressing turn, but I'm tired, and sick of dealing with people. I wish I was a hermit. Or and introvert, who was perfectly capable of living an incredibly happy life without friends. Unfortunately, I like people and they seem to like me some of the time so I have these strange appendages called friends. I decided today that I really like the relationship between Lesley and I, a girl I went to high school with. When I see her, we chat, we laugh, we have fun. Then we leave, and it's over. I don't feel obliged to call her or hang out with her, and vice versa. Maybe once in a blue moon one of wil have a get together and then of course the other would be invited as long as it was among mutual friends, but otherways we're just acquaintances. I think that's why I have so many acquaintances and so few friends. I really despise the baggage that comes with close friendships, so I try to form them as little as possible. Don't think for a moment that I despise my friends - not at all, I love them as much as any friend could - I just like to keep the numbers down, that's all. Damn I sound like a cold bitch. I really outta stop writing, I'm not sure if I know what I'm writing at all and I'll probably come back and delete half of this later. Ah me...

Welcome once more to the uneventful blah that is my life - during the summer at least. So my parents went to court yesterday against the Rays, and we lost. We were suing them for my dad's severance pay, which they paid to Jon a year earlier but refused to give my dad. Then they couter-sued, saying that my dad was in breach of contract. The trial took four hours and the judge threw out both claims. Go fig. So we didn't get any money, my family is still incredibly broke, and everything's just hunky-dory, or something like that. I start working memorial day weekend, should be fun fun fun. But I'll only be working on Saturdays, which kinda sucks - but I still have Tsunami lessons on Sundays and I can't miss those. Last sunday really sucked, I had 5 classes and 3 teachers. And most of the kids showed up. It was nuts. And my dad couldn't help out because two of his assistants (jon and charles) didn't show up either. I'm just glad I made it through without strangling anyone. So, I'll keep my fingers crossed that something exciting happens (oh - there was a really pretty full rainbow yesterday! I took like a million pictures and I'll get them on here soon), although I supremely doubt it.

So today is kinda crappy. It's not very pretty outside, and they say it's supposed to storm so bring it on already! I hate it when it's cloudy and there's no storm, it's just blah. At any rate, I started training again this week (if you can call me struggling to pull my aging body through the pool with the finesse of a baboon training). I really missed swimming this year, and right now I really wish I could have made it to the pool a little more than I did last semester. Oh well. I finally bought a scanner, so to all of my people who I promised to send pictures to, I'll get on that today or tomorrow. I also updated my web site, the link's on the left. I really don't feel like blabbering forever today (lucky you) so I'll take my leave and work on my web page because believe me it needs it. Adios.