Happy Halloween - or not. We'll see. I'm not partying tonight, instead I'm going out to eat with my fam, and then going with my lil bro to trick-or-treat at the mall (my parents don't like the cold). But that should be over by 9ish, and then I'll be back here. Now, since we have a meet tomorrow, and early morning practice, I could be a good girl and go to bed then. Or, I could go find someone to party with - no frat party tonight cause it costs $10, and that's a little more dinero than I have at the moment, and I'm not a bum... Oh well. I just wish it were warmer....

We had an interesting brit lit class today. I adore my professor - she's so smart, and funny - and I want to be just like her one day. Able to teach without needing anything other than my brain, to know and be able to quote so many awesome works without a second thought - she's just so amazing. But yeah I'm getting off track - we were discusing John Milton (wrote Paradise Lost), and these two poems that he wrote: L'Allegro and Il Penseroso; which is Italian and means The Mirthful and The Melancholy - respectively. At any rate, he compares the virtues of living as 1) always happy or as 2)always sad, pensive, and contemplative. And through these poems we got into a huge discussion of classical literature and popular culture, and how it's not cool to be happy. How laughing at funerals is wrong, how things are bad if they are not "serious" enough, etc. I won't bore with all of the details of our discussion, but it was incredibly thought-provoking. We also discussed how writers are never truly sane or happy people (at least not the good ones). Faulkner probably never wrote a word sober, Donne was in a constant state of agony over his calling and his desires, etc. And how writers write when they're depressed, when things aren't going that well - because if they were happy then they wouldn't have anything to write about. And it's like I've always noticed about my own writing. I don't write happy poems for the most part. They're either really depressing - in the case of most of my love poetry, or melancholy and introspective - in the case of my nature poetry. I can write funny poems, but they're not any good:) So yeah - maybe this is a sign that I was meant to write. I've never tried to run my work by any kind of authority, I enjoy my poetry and I'd rather not see it ripped to shreds... But at the same time, how will I know if I'm any good? I've always wanted to be a writer, from way back in first grade - it was always my first dream. I actually won some kind of writing contest in kindergarten, and a poem that I wrote in 5th grade got published. I'm going to try to force my way into some writing classes next semester, so I can get a professional opinion on my work; but for now I guess I'll just keep writing for me - and for anyone else that feels like reading my rantings and unintelligable poetry. (which you can check out by going here , most of the poems are older ones cause I haven't updated the site in a while, but they're dated (for the most part) and maybe I'll get on and add a few recent ones soon.)

Going on 7 hours of sleep in the past 2 days (total) is not fun. I'm considering skippinh my 11 am, but right now I have to go sit for Honor Council President elections; yeah fun right? Sigh, it's 39 degrees outside right now. Way too damn cold. I need sleep....

How is it that I always manage to procrastinate on everything I have to do? I have this Spanish paper due tomorrow, and I haven;'t even started typping it, and I have to get up for work way too early - ugh. And yeah - not happy cause they denied my appeal for my parking ticket, which I now have 7 days to pay, and no money. Life is just wonderful.

I don't think that I'm a morning person, but I'm in such a good mood right now! I think it probably has a lot to do with the fact that when I was leaving my room this morning, one of my clocks said 6am, but the other one said 7am - it was daylight savings this weekend, and I got an extra hour of sleep (kinda). So I don't even need to take a nap right now, I feel so refreshed and awake (and corny...), which kinda sucks cause my roommate's not here and so it owuld be way too easy for me to sleep - but it's all good. So I'm thinking about lofting my bed. Might put a cramp in my love life, but at the same time maybe it should - I think I need to back off of this mad rebounding kick that I've been on since July. It's time for me to stop obsessing over how many boy I have and to start concentrating on things that really matter, like school work and all of my other responsibilities that have gone sadly neglected this year. If it means staying in one weekend and doing homework (gasp!), then so be it. But yeah I need to start cracking my whip over my own back rather than... nevermind. It's going to be a beautiful day....:)

So I've been getting friend-sick lately - I miss my girls TONS!! Aj and Linds - you guys are way too far away!! You should know that VA is the state to be in!!! So come back!! Now!! Sigh - don't think that's going to work, but oh well. At least AJ and I are hanging out over Winter Break - don't know when Linds is coming next:/ We were discussing cliques yesterday after the meet, and I think it's wierd how I've never really belonged to one. Or at least not that I've noticed - if I do you should really let me know - but yeah. Because people were saying how cliquey MWC is, and honestly I think I'm totally oblivious to all of it. I never notice these things at all, not in high school, not here. Maybe I just totally suck at reading body language, but I hang out with a ton of different groups and I always (for the most part) feel accepted by them - and isn't it a trait of cliques not to accept outsiders? Or maybe I just don't understand what a clique is.... Yeah this is way too much thinking for a Sunday morning!

It's been a long long long day - I attempted to drown some of my sorrows tonight with alcohol, but that didn't work very well - i wouldn't recommend it for anyone, especialy no one as much of a light weight as I am, well at any rate it's time for me to go to sleep cause I never seem to get sleep on Saturday nights so I guess I'll make this one different. I also don't usually spend Saturday nights alone, but oh well I should probably stop whoring myself and learn to live with the fact that people who aren't in relationships usually sleep alone....

Ok so I added a guest book on here (copying off AJ's site cause she's the coolest!), so you better sign it!!! Thanks:)

I would be napping right now, but due to the fact that my roommate is the world's most inconsiderate person, that's not happening. I hate inconsiderate people. It just pisses me off so much. Her alarms goes off over and over and over and over again. She hits the snooze button every ten minutes, sometimes for more than an hour. I don't understand. Yeah - I used to hit the snooze button at least 3 times when I lived at home, but it was just me in my room and I was in the basement so I didn't have to worry about waking anyone up. Now that I'm here, it goes off once and I'm out of bed. Plus - she never tells me when she's leaving for the night. I'll just be here and she doens't come back. It's great that she's never here, but at the same time I wish she would tell me when she's not going to be here so that I can plan accordingly. Plus - I worry like my mother, and when she doesn't come back I always think something bad has happened. Oh well. No point in stressing. Maybe I'll write later - we have our first dual meet today, here, against Marymount. I'm pretty excited. Wish me luck:)

Since I've been on a poetry kick this week (probably due in no small part to the fact that we're covering poetry right now in Brit Lit - especially Donne, who's one of my faves), I decided to add a poem on here that I wrote last year. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I'm feeling at the moment, but I've been thinking a lot lately about last year and the fun times with my girls, and this was one of those times.

Lost Souls

Beneath the stars they laugh like children.
To their cars they spring with youth.
Drive off to bars that turn them out,
They live the farce that we have made.

Between the years of rank and priveledge,
Fraught with fears that hold them down.
Allowed no tears, no breath nor space,
They turn their ears away from us.

Lost souls are they in fights unending.
Forced to stay from all they please.
Too old to play, to young to live,
They lose their way and wander still.


It's not the happiest poem, but it reflects how so many young people react to society, and it's kind of my commentary on the uselessness felt by that 18-20 age group. It sucks. Maybe I'll add another poem later, a happy one. But I supposed that first I would need an excuse to write one, and at the moment I don't really have one.

Ahhh!! I just got the best news ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! I no longer owe money!!!!! (well except for my credit card bill and a few other incidentals, but hey it's a lot less than i thought i owed....) I'm so happy right now. This horrible cloud of depression anytime that someone mentions anything involving money has just been lifted. I mean it's still going to be extremely tight this year - I'm $900 behind where I should be due to extenuating cell phone circumtances (if you don't know about all of that drama just ask) - and I have no money right now to pay for any book next semester - but hey it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. As long as my parents can afford to pay for next semester without my help (which I pray to God they can) then I'm all set I think. I don't have to hide my tears now everytime someone says they're going out to eat, or out to a movie, or shopping. I don't really have expendable income - but I can see the light! Maybe someday soon I will!! As soon as I start my 3rd job next semester ...haha.

See what Care Bear you are./a>

No more I promise:) I think I've had my share of short quizzes for the month...:)

I'm How British Are You?!

I know the differences between Brits and Americans, and I'm just so glad to tell you all about them. I won't say too much, though, or I'll exceed my daily bandwidth limit. Again.

Click here to find out which test you are!

Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

This quiz says absolutely nothing about your personality. Take it!

Taking a page out of Rachel's book - she who is the ultimate test taker...

So I've taken to posting more often than before - a reflection of my inner brain workings to some great extent. I never feel the need to write when my life is just happening, not exciting or depressing. But something good or bad happens, and then I get this mad itch as if I can't resist the urge to post. The only frustrating thing about this is that I really don't come clean on here. I'm a private person for the most part, and so when I have interactions with people that I know read this - I often hesitate to write about it. I hate to offend, to cause controversy, and to let people know what's really going on inside of my head. So that's when I turn to poetry. I can be all metaphorical without revealing too much, and if I write something directed at a person or persons, they may or may not be able to decipher it but at least I got it out of me.... I love writing symbolically. But yeah - I think that's enough for this morning - I have a feeling that I'm going to be busting out another poem today or tomorrow, depending on how my current situation unravels - we'll see. And I just have to give mad props to AJ, cause her blog is amazingly personal and she's not afraid to say anything. I wish I could do the same - I miss you girl! Your honesty has always been a refreshing point for me....

I've discovered that pulling one's hair out -- while momentarily satisfying -- makes for an interesting look. Anyone have a wig I can borrow? Not sure how long this will take to grow back....

Will you let me smile at you?
Will you let me hold your hand?
Will you let me dance all night?
Will you try to understand?
So unfinished is my life but
Nothing matters when you're near-
Let me drift away with you,
Show me I have naught to fear.

Wow. That's all I can say about this weekend. It was so amazing. I can't believe that I missed out on all of the fun of homecoming weekend last year - but at the same time I'm kinda glad. I would not have had as much fun - there are soooo many amazing people here at Wash, and I love them all to death. Friday night we had a relay meet, our first meet of the season (aside from frosh-varsity), where we stepped it up to a whole bunch of Division I schools like Georgetown and George Washington. We definately held our own. The Navy women are the butchest chicas in the world, and couldn't probably fold me into a pretzel without breaking a sweat. They were just wow. I did really well, going faster than I have in the past 4 years - so I'm really excited about this season. Saturday was the homecoming soccer game, the Carbon Leaf concert, fireworks, and parties up the ass. It was sooooooooo much fun. I got pretty toasted at the frat party by some frat alumnus who was probably trying to get me into bed - thank God Shannon and I were still able to walk and we left and went to a swimmer party. We hung out there a while as I tried to sober up - and then we got a ride home from one of the sweetest guys on the planet. It was basically one of the best weekends ever. I had an amazing time that night - and I just want to thank all of you beautiful people who helped it happen!! I love you guys!!

It's a wobbly world,
Tipsy-turvy, spinning-curvy.
Up and down's the rule
And straight is strange
So just don't go there.

Another day in the life of me - wow what a day it was too. There's this sniper running around shooting people in Maryland and VA, and so far he's shot two people way too close to home to think about. Scary as hell, lemme tell you. The guy who was shot this morning died, and he was just pumping gas at a gas station literally within walking distance of where i work. It's really scary. Everyone is afraid to go anywhere or do anything, like pump gas, walk down the street, get in their cars, etc. I'm incredibly pissed off about it too, because it seems to me the motive behind all of this is to instill fear - and it's working pretty damn well. And I hate it. We shouldn't have to be fearful to walk down the street, not in this country, not in the proximity to the nation's capital. Honestly, what does this say about what our country is coming to? Ok enough from me about this - if you live around here please be careful, and if not please pray for those of us that do....

Rachel's 21st birthday was yesterday, and her best friend Jen (Jeni) and I drove down to Newport News to celebrate with her. I had so much fun - but it's sad cause I miss Rach tons. I haven't really seen her much since I spent a week up there back in May. The party was fun fun fun, however it was interesting because Rach has this one friend who's a Nazi about drinking, and since CNU is a dry campus we couldn't drink at her party till he left - which wasn't till about midnight or so. But Rachel is in a state of perpetual drunkenness - so we had a good time. We played twister, cranium, and sat around and read insults from this funny book and deep thoughts by jack handey. I did a killer job decorating her living room though, with pretty streamers and balloons and everyone complimented me on how great it looked and FYI I'm available for Birthdays, Weddings, Baby Showers, etc... Ok so enough plugs - one of Rachel's coworkers brought over these cute mini wines and we had fun with those. Oh!!! And I had fun with the punch. We just kinda made it up with concentrate and lotsa sprite, it turned out really well mostly because we cut up a lemon, lime, orange, and kiwi and floated them in the punch bowl and it looked and tasted great (though taste always comes secondary to looks). I actually have to say that the party was the most fun before we started drinking - though that could be because a lot of people left before the alcohol came out, and when you're sober acting stupid is that much funnier. And I have to say that Jeremy is the funniest introvert ever. Oh and also I gave Rachel a condom for her birthday in this little tin from AJ (Rach says thanks!) along with an instructional booklet just in case;)
Ok I also had a good weekend because I spent 4.5 hours in the car talking to Jenn, which was totally a great time. We talked about so many things, from religion to boys to news to life to our majors to our school to money issues and so on. It was a lot of fun, because Jen's a lot like Rach, so I get some of the same reactions from her. Plus, I don't have really any idealist or rational friends (kiersey personality sorter, ask rach) and it's fun to spin philisophically once in a while, because I hardly ever do it and I'm pretty in touch with whatever letter it is that would make a person an idealist (sorry rach, I know I'm an embarrassment because I have yet to memorize both volumes of Please Understand Me). But I need to do homework and stop typing - not like anyone wants to read anymore of my rambling anyways:) Tata!!

One more thing- thanks to my parents who should be disowning me for my utter stupidity and instead somehow seem to understand.

This week was going well. I was getting sleep, it was warm, my tests were over. But then yesterday happened, and it was like all of the stress and anxiety and desolation of last week times ten million. Thank God for Lindsay, and for everyone else that has been helping me. And thank God for continually showing me over the last few hours why I really am so lucky and shouldn't let my problems, no matter how catastrophic they may seem, get me down. Thank you Katie for the card - it means a lot to me. And it's funny, how when I got up today I was looking in the mirror and thinking, can it get any worse? and then I broke my pretty purple mirror - so the answer is yes. It's a good thing I'm not superstitious.