Again, with the interesting time of year junk....
Last night I pulled out all of my old diaries from high school and started reading them, beginning with the August before my freshman year. That was back in 97. I was a very interesting child, I suppose I still am, haha. I think I may start posting a few of those entries on here, when I have time and liesure - they give an insight on how my mind worked, and still works in some respects, and also I was much freer with my words because it was meant for my eyes only. It was also interesting to see that my writing style has changed very little too. Even back then I wrote using big words and elevated, even poetic diction at times. That's just the way I am. I see I have yet to receive a response from yesterdays pissed off blog, lol, I guess I should realize not to expect one, but still there's always that little hope that maybe I'll get through to people. I think it's way past my bedtime, so as soon as I finish talking to my sister and acting as advisor to my dear friend Rob (different one), I shall collapse like a tent in a hurricane. Buenas noches:)
Thursday, December 26, 2002
I think this is a very interesting time of year.
For some reason - people feel obliged to tie up loose ends, make amends for past wrongs committed, etc. I have been the victim of one of these attempts today, and it has left me in a rather sour mood - which is rather unfortunate seeing as how it's Christmas and all. But here's my response to this pitiful attempt at a "Happy Holidays" gesture, doubtful that it will ever be read by he-who-thinks-i'm-fake, but oh well at least it's out there now:
I do not play with people intentionally, ever. Honesty is the best policy, always. I hate and abhor lying, misleading, and all other attempts at falsehood. As a rule, I do not practice these things with others unless I'm forced to, and then I wind up hating myself for it. So David - I don't understand what your deal is. I never lied to you, and never lead you to believe anything that wasn't true. You accuse of me of alluding to you and trying to "soil your name" or whatever. Guess what, I didn't. There is absolutely no mention of you at all after you decided to be an ass and tell my computer that you didn't want to talk to me anymore. The night in question: I was with one of the most wonderful men in the world, who I dated for years and could possibly end up marrying. Jealous? And why is that? What did I ever promise you? Did I tell you that I loved you? Absolutely nothing, and absolutely not. You were my friend, a very good one, with whom I had a lot of fun. You obviously have attatchment issues, and you over estimate your importance in this world by leaps and bounds if you believe that my life revolves around you. That away message was not for your sake, you were the farthest things from my mind that night. I was happy, with somebody who I loved, and still do. It's rather unfortunate that you can't experience the same thing - but I doubt that you ever shall considering your issues. I don't mean to be bitchy, but I don't appreciate liars either - thanks for the surprise revelations there. This too, is my personal diary. I allow my friends to read it, but I'm not looking for pity, ever. It's simply where I attempt to sort out all of the crazy things going on in my head and in my life. If someone wants to be moved by my words, that's fine - but I'm not in search of people to feel sorry for me. That is what people do when they have nothing else to do. Sound familiar? For those who are familiar with my blog, they will recognize that it is merely and extension of my personality. When I'm feeling way up, or down, it helps me to put those feelings into words. I wrote a lengthy blog about the reasons that I write sometime back in October or November, and it would do you good to go back and re-check that one.
Your petty attempts at hurting my feelings have done nothing but piss me off, that someone can be so twisted and mean. What did I do to you? I put up an away message that said "time for sleepy with my honey" - and you went postal. Anyone else see something strange about that? So yeah - I bother not with those who respect me not. I'm not into that "bye forever" bullshit, since obviously if you write that on two occasions "forever" looses its potency, instead I'm going to be the grown up here - and leave the lines open for future dialogue. I try to be a forgiving and understanding person. What my limits are when it comes to this, I don't know. But feel free to respond, or (gasp) pick up the phone and call. Because I hate leaving things unfinished, as they so clearly are since you never addressed me personally, but rather my electronic extensions.
And ps: I love my life. Sometimes things bite, but I always always always have hope and optimism somewhere in me. I get that from my sister, the classic idealist. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in the world- because I have the only things that really matter - love, family, and friends. All else is inconsequential in the great scheme of things. Never forget that.
For some reason - people feel obliged to tie up loose ends, make amends for past wrongs committed, etc. I have been the victim of one of these attempts today, and it has left me in a rather sour mood - which is rather unfortunate seeing as how it's Christmas and all. But here's my response to this pitiful attempt at a "Happy Holidays" gesture, doubtful that it will ever be read by he-who-thinks-i'm-fake, but oh well at least it's out there now:
I do not play with people intentionally, ever. Honesty is the best policy, always. I hate and abhor lying, misleading, and all other attempts at falsehood. As a rule, I do not practice these things with others unless I'm forced to, and then I wind up hating myself for it. So David - I don't understand what your deal is. I never lied to you, and never lead you to believe anything that wasn't true. You accuse of me of alluding to you and trying to "soil your name" or whatever. Guess what, I didn't. There is absolutely no mention of you at all after you decided to be an ass and tell my computer that you didn't want to talk to me anymore. The night in question: I was with one of the most wonderful men in the world, who I dated for years and could possibly end up marrying. Jealous? And why is that? What did I ever promise you? Did I tell you that I loved you? Absolutely nothing, and absolutely not. You were my friend, a very good one, with whom I had a lot of fun. You obviously have attatchment issues, and you over estimate your importance in this world by leaps and bounds if you believe that my life revolves around you. That away message was not for your sake, you were the farthest things from my mind that night. I was happy, with somebody who I loved, and still do. It's rather unfortunate that you can't experience the same thing - but I doubt that you ever shall considering your issues. I don't mean to be bitchy, but I don't appreciate liars either - thanks for the surprise revelations there. This too, is my personal diary. I allow my friends to read it, but I'm not looking for pity, ever. It's simply where I attempt to sort out all of the crazy things going on in my head and in my life. If someone wants to be moved by my words, that's fine - but I'm not in search of people to feel sorry for me. That is what people do when they have nothing else to do. Sound familiar? For those who are familiar with my blog, they will recognize that it is merely and extension of my personality. When I'm feeling way up, or down, it helps me to put those feelings into words. I wrote a lengthy blog about the reasons that I write sometime back in October or November, and it would do you good to go back and re-check that one.
Your petty attempts at hurting my feelings have done nothing but piss me off, that someone can be so twisted and mean. What did I do to you? I put up an away message that said "time for sleepy with my honey" - and you went postal. Anyone else see something strange about that? So yeah - I bother not with those who respect me not. I'm not into that "bye forever" bullshit, since obviously if you write that on two occasions "forever" looses its potency, instead I'm going to be the grown up here - and leave the lines open for future dialogue. I try to be a forgiving and understanding person. What my limits are when it comes to this, I don't know. But feel free to respond, or (gasp) pick up the phone and call. Because I hate leaving things unfinished, as they so clearly are since you never addressed me personally, but rather my electronic extensions.
And ps: I love my life. Sometimes things bite, but I always always always have hope and optimism somewhere in me. I get that from my sister, the classic idealist. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in the world- because I have the only things that really matter - love, family, and friends. All else is inconsequential in the great scheme of things. Never forget that.
Monday, December 23, 2002
While it was a smart idea to leave my computer at school, I still miss it! Actually I miss the connection most, dial-up sucks big time, I keep getting kicked off and that does not make me happy. I haven't added anything in a while, so there's so much to say!! And of course my house is sooo freezing that I can barely feel my fingers so I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to type - but I'll try to get it all out:)
First of all - Ohio was a total trip - literally and figuratively;) We got to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where Linds worked this past summer, and we got comp. tickets and 50% off in the gift store cause her uncle is the CFO (I think that stands for cheif finance officer). We met him, and got to meet the CEO - this guy who is pretty eccentric and was on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or some similar show because his house is awesome and it's right on Lake Erie. In addition, we did a good deal of shopping, we all got massages as our Christmas gifts to each other, and just had a really great time. I really miss Lindsay so much now - we had such a great time, it was as if we hadn't been apart for any time at all, everything was great like it used to be. Ah well, I think Laur and I are trying to convince her to come visit us during her Spring break, or if we all have break at the same time maybe we'll do a trip to New York and maybe stay at my grandparents' house, haha I'm sure they wouldn't mind. We'll have to wait and see:) Either way, hopefully I'll get to see her again before long:)
Then when I got back from Ohio, AJ was here - so of course we had to hang out:) I love chilling with her!! We had such a great time. Friday night we went out shopping and what not, then we rented the first Lord of the Rings movie, watched that over popcorn, then the next morning we went to see the second one in the theater. That was definately fun:) I think it's funny how the people that I hang out with aren't the ones I went to high school with - lol. Oh well, I didn't hang out with anyone from high school in high school, so why should I now? Then on Saturday night we went to Hooters w/ Billy and Robbie. It was my first time, and it was definately another interesting experience. Our waitress was really sweet, and both the boys were checking her out cause she was hot too:) haha, anyways, tonight we have a very very very long Folk Group practice to go over all the Christmas music, we're singing at two masses tomorrow night. Then afterwards looks like AJ and I will be hanging out, maybe with Billy and some of his friends, and maybe we'll be getting our drink on tonight. We'll see.
(wow I guess I did write a lot today, haha)
First of all - Ohio was a total trip - literally and figuratively;) We got to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where Linds worked this past summer, and we got comp. tickets and 50% off in the gift store cause her uncle is the CFO (I think that stands for cheif finance officer). We met him, and got to meet the CEO - this guy who is pretty eccentric and was on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or some similar show because his house is awesome and it's right on Lake Erie. In addition, we did a good deal of shopping, we all got massages as our Christmas gifts to each other, and just had a really great time. I really miss Lindsay so much now - we had such a great time, it was as if we hadn't been apart for any time at all, everything was great like it used to be. Ah well, I think Laur and I are trying to convince her to come visit us during her Spring break, or if we all have break at the same time maybe we'll do a trip to New York and maybe stay at my grandparents' house, haha I'm sure they wouldn't mind. We'll have to wait and see:) Either way, hopefully I'll get to see her again before long:)
Then when I got back from Ohio, AJ was here - so of course we had to hang out:) I love chilling with her!! We had such a great time. Friday night we went out shopping and what not, then we rented the first Lord of the Rings movie, watched that over popcorn, then the next morning we went to see the second one in the theater. That was definately fun:) I think it's funny how the people that I hang out with aren't the ones I went to high school with - lol. Oh well, I didn't hang out with anyone from high school in high school, so why should I now? Then on Saturday night we went to Hooters w/ Billy and Robbie. It was my first time, and it was definately another interesting experience. Our waitress was really sweet, and both the boys were checking her out cause she was hot too:) haha, anyways, tonight we have a very very very long Folk Group practice to go over all the Christmas music, we're singing at two masses tomorrow night. Then afterwards looks like AJ and I will be hanging out, maybe with Billy and some of his friends, and maybe we'll be getting our drink on tonight. We'll see.
(wow I guess I did write a lot today, haha)
Sunday, December 15, 2002
I'm home now, and I probably won't be posting for some time. Leaving tomorrow to drive to Baltimore, then Laur and I are heading to Ohio to visit Lindsay on Monday morning!! I'm soo excited to go, I've missed that girl soo much this semester! What to say about this semester? I think I formed a new record when it comes to procrastinating, I managed to spend almost every night with someone or other, though halfway through it got pretty predictable who that person was:) yeah - interesting time. Now i'm looking ahead to Ohio, then Christmas, then New years, then Florida - all before next semester!! oh my.
Saturday, December 14, 2002
So I'm finally done with exams, and wow what a rough friggen week. I definately didn't get much sleep, went to a wild party, a few not-so-wild but still fun parties, and failed a lot of exams. Ok so maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, I didn't fail any exams (that I know of), and I actually only had three so I'm not really sure why this week was all that difficult for me (well plus a paper and that's all I did all day today and wow that sucked too), because a lot of my friends had 5 or 6 exams and all, and I'm going to wimp out next semester and only take 4 classes even though swimming season is over in february and even though my life will probably be easier to handle because it always is second semester. oh well i guess it's totally my perrogative and yeah can you believe that I got a C in art history? that blows chunks. ok bed time for me.... (no i'm not drunk just very tired)
Thursday, December 12, 2002
So I've done my best to avoid studying this week - finals week - and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job as of yet, so yeah. Last night I had a great time- went to the ladies on Hanover St.'s appartment (jen, lisa-marie, amanda, formerly dave but he just moved out). We had a great dinner, then proceded to drink till about 4 am. We danced and sang badly alot, and everyone ended up hooking up with someone that night, most people ended up making out with more than one person - so yeah definately an interesting night to say the least ( I kind of stayed on the outskirts during this mad makeout session and took lots of incriminating photos, which will probably be destroyed cause they're on a digital camera but oh well). Interesting night. Defiantely going to be hearing about that a lot in the future.... lol. Now I have an art history final at 2 pm today, and a spanish research paper that I haven't started due at 2 tomorrow. Sigh. It's going to be a long next two days, but I can get through it and guess why - cause after that I'M DONE!!!!!
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Monday, December 09, 2002
PS, I wrote a really cool poem about snow the other day during that huge ass snowstorm, read it here.
Studying for exams bites big time. Which is why I'm avoiding it like the plague at the moment... oh well. I took my linguistics exam this morning - I guess I did ok. I wanted an A, not sure if I got it, but whatever. It's over and done, I'll find out my grades next week, no point in stressing - time to move on. Tomorrow is brit lit at 9 am. ugh. I'm so not ready for that one. Well I think I'm going to hit the books once again, maybe I'll blog again later when I'm in need of a break.
Sunday, December 08, 2002
Well I'm back from the 3 day invitational at Franklin and Marshall up in Lancaster, PA. I had a really great meet, for the most part. Our team was also doing pretty well, as of yesterday we were in 3rd place, and I left early so I could study for my exam tomorrow, but who knows maybe we'll be able to move up after today! Well I just wanted to make a quick post, so it doesn't seem as though I've fallen off the face of the earth. Which I will, in the next few days, as I find someplace to seclude myself and get my study thing going. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
I made a new blog!!! The link is with the rest of them, or you can check it out here, it's a poetry website, and I'm opening it up to anyone who wants to post, cause blogger has this cool thing where you can have multiple team members - in other words other people will be able to post whenever they want, and pretty much do whatever they want (though I have oversight). Neat huh?!? Yeah, I know that I have no life. Sue me. When I publish my first volume of my poems and make a billion dollars off sales (way wishful thinking I know just let me ok?) you'll be wishing you were as uncool as me!!
So I think that I've moved to the arctic. Or at least it feels like it. Definately 25 degrees outside right now, with a wind chill of 13. What the hell. They're calling for snow tomorrow, and I have a feeling we actually may see it for once. Last year we didn't get snow till January. Dear me. Well I have a 4 page paper to finish by 10:30; as of right now I have a page and a half done. And I don't know what else to write. Writer's block is not a good thing to have when it's paper writing time. Sigh.
And I'm thinking that I'm going to ask my linguistics prof. today if I can just take the final rather than write a term paper. Cause I see it this way: I like writing papers better, but I test better and the grading isn't arbitrary like it can be on papers. Plus the paper requires library time upwards of 5 hours, which I don't have between now and the paper's due date (Monday at 8:45am). I do, however, have ample time to study my text book and make flashcards and etc - because I can do the aforementioned anywhere but I can only type a paper sitting at my computer, and honestly my ass goes numb rather quickly. I can study at the swim meet much easier than I can write a paper lugging around 18-billion books. So now I guess I'll get back to this one, wish me luck - and for my sake pray for the return of warm weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I'm thinking that I'm going to ask my linguistics prof. today if I can just take the final rather than write a term paper. Cause I see it this way: I like writing papers better, but I test better and the grading isn't arbitrary like it can be on papers. Plus the paper requires library time upwards of 5 hours, which I don't have between now and the paper's due date (Monday at 8:45am). I do, however, have ample time to study my text book and make flashcards and etc - because I can do the aforementioned anywhere but I can only type a paper sitting at my computer, and honestly my ass goes numb rather quickly. I can study at the swim meet much easier than I can write a paper lugging around 18-billion books. So now I guess I'll get back to this one, wish me luck - and for my sake pray for the return of warm weather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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