Long time no... type? Or something like that. I've actually posted on my poetry blog again, which you should look at!

And of course, jr. year is in full swing. Already I feel like I'm dying, or would rather be...

But hey let's be positive right?

Well maybe tomorrow.

Oooh look a post!

Yeah, I'm finally posting again. Damn it's been awhile.

I went out tonight with friends for the first time in a long long while (I don't think doing the dating/boyfriend thing counts).

Hit up two parties, one at Synder's new place.. which was fun till the cops kicked everyone out. Then one at Charlotte, the house Brent lived in last year (the basement reeks now though!) and now Emil loves there (he is soooo cool) and it was a bday party for Steve Dudley, who swore up and down for quite some time that I bit him on his chest when we were dancing at a party last semester, and that I was piss drunk.

I don't remember that at all, and I'm not one to black out. I think he mistook me for someone else (we've only met a handful of times).

But of course all of my friends found this hilarious.... sigh. Now people are going to think I'm some kind of freak (which isn't FAR from being correct...)

i should do this more often. i think i will, next weekend. big party then. looking forward to it:)

Threat rating: High. The Bush administration is
concerned that it may not get a second term.
Therefore, we are going to change the rules so
that each Democrat vote only counts as 0.2
votes because Democrat is a shorter word than
Republican


What threat to the Bush administration are you?
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*** accidently posted this on my poetry blog. oops. it's from june 19th ***


It's been an interesting summer as of yet... and summer doesn't actually begin till this weekend. A wet summer too. Rain sucks my ass. Big time.

Anyway, I can't believe how busy I've been. And there's actually people contacting ME to hang out. Of course, they all call in the same weekend - but hey beggars can't be choosers right?

I need to get back in swimming shape. I've been doing sit-ups (lots) and push-ups (ow) but no weights and not enough swimming. I just hate it how when I swim my fucking shoulders KILL. It blows.

And I can't access my poetry forum at the moment, not sure why...

I think I'm going through poetic withdrawl. haha.

Wowsers!! It's snowing like whoa outside! soooo pretty!! I have two tests tomorrow (later today actually, it's late!), and i'm wondering if I'm actually going to have classes! Watch me not study in he hope that classes are cancelled and then go flunk my tests.. haha ok that's not that funny... um yeah I think I'm just going to study for maybe 20 minstes, then go to bed and wake up early and study more then, also that way if there's tons of snow maybe when I wake up I'll find out that we have no classes. Maybe!!

Don't get me wrong, I had a great break, but now that I'm back at school, I'm super-anxious about almost a billion things. First, this is definately the last week of classes. I don't know where in my foggy brain I lost that fact, but until today that hadn't really sunk in. For some reason I was thinking that I had three weeks of school left after Thanksgiving. Definately not. Definately have my first exam in 1 week and about 11 hours - and unfortunately that exam is a term paper of 8-10 pages that I have not even started researching yet. And between now and then there's sooooo much shit going on: Bella's concert on Thursday night, which means this week brings ticket selling time, where I have to sit and sell tickets in the eagle's nest; extra rehearsal time, and of course time for the concert itself and all the pre- and post-concert planning efforts that I will inevitably be involved in. And next weekend is the Franklin and Marshall Invitiational, a three day trials-finals meet that lasts Friday till Sunday up in Pennsylvania. So I'm leaving here Friday morning and returning late Sunday night - which means I must finish my paper by Thursday night - or Thursday afternoon rather. Dear me. Thank God that this week is a taper week, which means shorter and easier practices for the most part. That will mean more time for me to get all my crap done. Will I use that time effectively? I guess we'll have to wait and see....

On another note, this weekend was an interesting experience in family bonding, or not. Squeezing Rachel, Andrew, and me into the back seat of a 5 passenger car wasn't always this difficult, I swear. We had almost massacred each other by the time we got back home today, and I for one don't ever remember being so happy to stretch my legs as I was when we got home. Ah well, the trials and tribulations of having siblings.... On the way down there, after passing through Philadelphia all of the car's pasangers passed out and my dad (the driver) zoned out, missing our exit and continuing to drive for about a half hour, till the rest of us awoke to his mutterings, "I think I missed my exit." My mom started flippin cause even though she was born and bred in New Jersey, she didn't recognize any of the names of the surrounding towns. That was an interesting experience, and a wonderful 1-hour completely out-of-the-way detour. Needless to say, I, with my superior sense of direction, offered to drive, but was threatened several times to shut my mouth or else (still wondering what "else" one can accomplish as a form of punishment in a car...). So yeah that was the beginning of my vacation. Otherwise it was as all past trips to see the NJ crew. Only this time I accompanied my grandfather to his health spa so I could swim a few times, so I actually got out of the house for once. Oh and I helped with Thanksgiving II preparations this year (our big Saturday Thanksgiving dinner with the whole family- 22 total this year) by making a cake rather than my traditional dates stuffed with walnuts and rolled in sugar. It went over well cause I had a mad blast decorating it with different colored icing into a "fall scene." My clown of a cousin and one of my uncles spent the night cracking jokes about how my cake was the result of a hallucinagen drug trip. Thanks guys. They didn't seem to mind eating it. Well, I think I need to get back to work. I still have another paper due in Linguistics, this one is an extra credit paper and it's only 4-5 pages, and I don't have to do any research - it's all my thoughts and analysis. So hopefully it won't take too long to crank out and I can start on my research paper tomorrow. Hopefully....

Meh

Yeah, I haven't really much to say. For all it's eventfulness, this summer has been rather uneventful. I've been working on my tan, well at least I was when it was sunny. Hopefully the sun will return sometime this week.

I've now got a half dozen part time jobs for the summer. And here I was bitching about 4 being too much last summer. Haha. Actually though, these are all way less hours and way more low key. So it's cool. Course two of them are paying next to nothing, but I figure it's worth my sanity and gas.

Glad I finally got those grad ball pictures to work. And that's all I suppose. Can't wait till AJ's back.

Fun Times

Grad Ball was great. I wrote all about it elsewhere though, and I don't feel like repeating myself. Click on the links to see some pictures. Yay for pictures. lol.

the ladies of the evening

me and jen

and my favorite picture:
me and alex

Sheesh, another fangirl. Well, I dont blame you.
How can any woman resist a sexy body, and the
ruggedness that is Wolverine? Hes a loner by
nature, a heavy drinker, and is plagued by
memories of his past...or lack thereof. It may
take time to work your way into his heart, but
when you do, he'll do anything for his woman.
Just be careful, he has a tendency to stab
people in his sleep. ^_^;;


Who Is Your Ideal X-Men 2 Mate? (ladies only)
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And So It Begins

I suppose this is the start of my summer.

I don't recall it feeling quite this blah last year. Or quite this... I don't even know. I want to call it busy, or full.... but it's really not. There's just not enough time in the day for me to do what I really want to do, and that's spend time with Alex. It's a rather perplexing problem, and I find myself at loose ends all to often, wondering what to do about it.

I suppose we'll have to wait and see.

Everyone is so excited abut going home
I am not. Curious why? Read and understand:

1. One phone line, dial-up internet. My dependecy on the net is near an end....
2. No cell phone reception. Another plus to living in the boonies.
3. No people. Carmela will be there for a short time, and after that I am alone, all alone. The closest spark of civilization is 3 miles away. Oh boy.
4. No job. Which means that till I get one, I am officially the housemaid. I will be cleaning all rooms, doing all grocery shopping, all yard work, all car washing, and most likely cooking all of my own meals.
5. My brother. Yes I love him dearly, but he's 9. And all he ever does is ask me to play games with him. Over and over and over again. And if it's not that, he'll want me to drive him to his friends houses. And my mother will think that's a very good idea.
6. An extra 15 minutes to get everywhere. Again, isn't living in the boonies grand?
7. My mother, the Puritan. "What do you mean you have a boyfriend?" she gasps. "Well I certainly know that he's not staying with you! That's not why your father and I are paying for school! Are boys even allowed in your dorm room? You'd better find a male friend of yours for him to board with for the night!" In other words, overnight visits will be out of the question.
8. I'm not even going to bother typing what my mother would say if she knew I went clubbing.
9. I'll miss my friends. I'm used to being around you all... and you're all home too. I haven't really kept up with anyone from high school well (my own fault really I'm just lazy), so in the summer I've far less people to chill with.
10. My room = bug paradise. I live in the basement. In the boonies. In an older house with cracks and stuff.
11. My room = Atlantic Ocean during big rainstorms. It's already flooded twice this year, when I wasn't there (thankfully). Maybe we'll have another drought and it'll stay dry from now on....
12. My closet = inufficient storage space. It's necessary for me to maintain storage at home AND school in order to properly hang, put away my clothing. When I move home it ends up on the floor for lack of another place.
13. We all love Wendy's late night. But my mother cannot have me leaving the house that late. And I really ought to be home by midnight you know, because she HAS to stay up and wait for me because she is very worried about my well-being.
****
Yes I've exaggerated some. Yes there are a billion great things about being home too (well maybe like 5), and I do ADORE summer because it means AJ's back and there's no classes for me and I get a tan and quality time when I visit Rach at the beach.

So, summer = good; moving home = bad.

I think we all understand now.

Class dismissed.

Your Hottest Body Part is Your Butt!

From the back you're mistaken for J-Lo.

You are a rump-shaking dynamo on the dance floor.

Thongs were invented just for you.

You're able to please your man sexually in all sorts of ways - especially through your back door.

You put the ass in ASSett.

Baby, you got back, and you're proud of it.



Celebs who work their ass as hard as you do include: Britney Spears, Kylie Minogue, Christina Aguilera, and of course, J-Lo.



Want to play up your ass even more?

Try low rise jeans and vinyl pants, schoolgirl skirts, and form fitting shorts.

And of course, g-strings and thongs only - no squishing that fine ass with panty lines.



What's Your Hottest Body Part??

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Your Stripper Name is Candy Delight!

You are always the feature dancer at the best clubs.

Your customers pay big money to see you, even if it means starving six days of the week.

For you, stripping is an art form, and you are a grande artiste.

Very classy and never trashy - you won't stoop to doing anything sleazy.

You are constantly posing in magazines and winning Miss Nude contests.

In StripperLand, you are the ultimate queen.

Other strippers may be jealous by all the attention you get, but you walk away with the most money!



What's *Your* Stripper Name?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

You're here searching for the college experience,
and you likely got it.


Why are you at college?
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I knew someone in the world could read!


How literate are you?
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Food'll do that to you sometimes

Freshman year I used to cook pasta with alfredo for Lindsay and myself. We'd sit in her room (cause my roommate was omnipresent in mine and made it smell) on her bed and drink tea and eat pasta and chit chat.

Things are a lot different now. I made pasta salad for myself tonight, and got to thinking about what a solitary person I am. My theme song, according to emode, is Independant Woman. Seems I've forgotten that lately.

But today I remembered. I woke up feeling clearer than I have in a while. I don't really know why.

I had a lot of thoughts today, about myself, and about my relationships with other people. A great breakfast with Jen seemed to set the pace for the rest of the day. And walking to grab salad dressing and fresh veggies from the nest (of which they had none, bastards), I realized how alone I am all the time. And for the most part I don't even think of it, I'm used to doing things by myself and taking care of myself. But it was so different last year.

And I came to recognize this as a pattern. I'm not the type to hang out in big groups all the time, with whom I do everything and go everywhere. Instead I'll make one or two or three really great friends, and those I hang onto and do everything with. And when they leave, I feel lost. And I hang in a kind of limbo for quite some time until I find another group, and within that group maybe one or two good friends. (Do keep in mind that this doesn't mean I'm friendless at times, I always have people around me whom I term as friends, but there's a difference between those I'll hang with on occasion and those who I make a real effort to be with every day or every other).

It's a pattern I've repeated several times in my life. It's so strange now though, cause I've still got those best friends... they're just far away.

And I did find that friend, or group of friends, to hang out with. Thanks to my sister and Amanda. Rachel suggested that Jen and I travel together to visit her last semester. And after 4 hours of discussion in the car, a true friendship was born. Amanda invited me over to visit at her and Jen's and Lisa-Marie's and (at the time) Dave's apartment. And a group friendship was born. And those girls have been a backbone for me this year. Wonderful friends, shopping and drinking companions, confidantes, everything I could want or ask for.

And now they're all leaving.

I'm so sad to see them graduate, but I know what it means to them. It's time to move on. I only hope that we can continue our friendships on some level after they are gone. Becaue I've always said, "hey keep in touch!" but this time I actually mean it. And I plan on making a real effort too.

As for next year? My expectations are none. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see... each day comes regardless of my expectations. Fall will be here soon enough, and then I will see what happens. Things change yet life continues. Perhaps not for everybody, but it does continue.

that was the longest hour of my life. it's hard to see when there are tears in your eyes.

You are Claudia


Which Anne Rice Vampire are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Romantic movie! You probably won't star in a porno
anytime soon. You seem to be really into the
whole "love" thing...romantic sex
with perfumed sheets and candles all over the
place. You're probably a hopeless romantic. You
value sex and respect your partner too much to
do anything like porn. AWWWWWW! <3


What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Finals Finally Here

"How are finals" I said with a quick grin over my shades.
"Rather well, actually," returned Milimo in his posh British accent, as we passed each other on campus walk without a glance back.

And so seems to be the story for this exam week. Most of the people that I've encountered have been positive over their tests and papers. I find this rather motivating. Perhaps it won't be so bad afterall.

I've got three more. I can handle it. After that, who knows? I lack a job at the moment (well a full-time job). I have no real plans for this summer, except to get a tan. All else shall be left to the whims of fate I suppose.

And on another note I now have only $6 in my savings account. I find that rather terrifying.

Motivate Me

I just woke up. For the second day in a row, I've missed basically the entire today.

I've got a lot on my mind right now. And it has nothing to do with finals. I'm afraid of my grade in spanish. Very afraid. I hate being a slacker.

And there's this big worry that's making me sit here and not move. I stare at the computer screen. Ludacris blasts at me from my speakers and I don't move. Lethargy and stress have taken over my body.

I wish my feet would wake up. They heep falling asleep. Maybe I should too. My bed is nice. It doesn't make me worry. I can dream when I'm asleep, abouf how everything will fix itself by the time I wake up. About how I really don't have anything to worry about, how I'm overreacting.

But I can't hide from reality forever. I'm just praying that it doesn't slap me in the face. Please.

It's All Over

Classes are done. I have one week left of my soph year. Then it's all over.

Well, not all.. just school this year. I think I may take a moment to do a year in review later today, or not, don't quote me on that.

Speaking of quotes, I got some great ones last night during the 3.5 hours of being Honorable. Highlights include:

Me: what are you paranoid about?
Chuck: i'm paranoid about everything
Me: You're gonna die tomorrow
Chuck: son of a bitch

I suppose it's not that funny in retrospect, but I dunno you had to be there.

I got really drunk last night. Not sure how bright that was, but it happened and it's over. I seem to do that whenever there's things I don't want to think about. Alcohol helps things seem trivial that aren't, and things that are important trivial. Though when it starts to wear off then the depression returns 10 times worse and I just get downright whiney... I apologize for that.

Ah well, back out to study in the sun.

What a fucking week

This past week was long. Very long.

The weekend was fairly good because I was able to put off thinking at all about all of the stuff i've gotta do before... tomorrow. Which was good at the time but is so very very very bad right about now.

And today was utter hell. I hate my job with a burning passion. I hate being irreplaceable. I hate that working for my parents means I really can't quit or they'll hate me forever and probably stop paying what little they do of my tuition. I hate how Honor Council meetings are on sunday nights, in the most inopportune and idiotic time ever. I hate getting paid once a month and running out of cash halfway through and needing to mooch off people after that point. I hate credit card bills that I'm unsuccessfully trying to ignore. I hate not being able to say no to people even though it's for my own damn good. I hate school. I hate papers. I hate impossible research projects. I hate exams.

I could probably go on some more, but if you're still reading I'll spare you.

And there are a lot of things that I love. Unfortunately, I can't have them right now. Because I have too much of the shit that I hate to do first. UGH.

Two more days of classes. After that, finals. I think I can, I think I can... or not.

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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So Enticing...

I got invited to go to Mexico last night. And believe me, I'm tempted. Screw school, screw money problems. I'll rip off a 7-11 and hop on the first plane out of here...

And yes I'm planning on kidnapping Alex on the way;)

Miguel, the guy who's been running Tertulias (spanish conversation hour) all year, is going back home. He's gotta write his thesis on teaching Spanish as a second language. He was a cool guy, and he totally complimented me on my Spanish. Said I was really good, and he was surprised that I hadn't studied abroad, or that one of my reletives wasn't a native Spanish speaker. Hell F'in yeah. One of these days I'll have enough vocab to speak fluently.

He lives on the Yukatan penninsula, home to the infamous Cancun, in the capital Merida - the place that MWC happens to have an exchange program. It's beautiful there. If you've never seen the Caribbean sea, you're missing out. Probably one of my favorite sights on Earth.

Makes me think, since I love to plan ahead and all, should my honeymoon be in the Caribbean or in Europe? Hard to decide really. Though I lean more towards the Caribbean, supremely because that would be a much more relaxing time than Europe.... though Italy and Spain are forever calling my name... mmm... well not like I'll be taking a honeymoon anytime soon. haha.

But I think I shall keep up correspondance with Miguel, we agreed that way he could practice English and I Spanish, and he gave me his email and regular address...

Maybe I can talk him into sending me postcards. I have an affinity for those, and now a rather nice collection thanks to Tex and his excursions in Hong Kong and thereabouts. Which reminds me, he told me he'd be in town today, when I spoke to him last night he was in a hotel in Bristol, but I haven't seen him all day. Ah well. He'll no doubt jump out of a bush and surprise me soon...

ahhh. way to negate everything i just wrote... he's imed me. haha. ok... i've put off work too long.

adios al mundo.

Interesting


SEX APPEAL


(results contain pictures) What kind of ANIME BOOBS do you have?
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border=1>

Feeling Magnanimous

If you read this, and desire to read jucier shit (ha well not really), just ask me for the link to my lj. I'm not comfortable handing it out publicly just yet, because i like being able to speak off the cuff about everything and everyone.

I wrote a long entry there today though. Here are some excerpts:

I've felt rather detached from everything lately. I'm not as excited about things as usual, not as smiley and happy. Not necessarily depressed or sad, just detached. Like an observer of something that I find only relatively interesting.


I've been deeply affected by a lot of people this year. It's been an emotional roller coaster. (I find it interesting how the word "year" is really relative too. What do you base your "year" on? Mine centers around school... the calendar doesn't mean much except that I've gotta remember '03 instead of '02.)
At the moment many of those people are going through huge jumping-off points in life. The joy-ride/ cruise from hell/ out-of-control dingy that is college is returning from sea for some of my friends. And they are all anticipating that moment when they step on shore. Will they be able to lose their sea-legs? Will the land seem alien? What will they do? How will they adjust? Where does life go from here?

(Sorry about the bad analogy, but I couldn't help myself. I'm an english major, remember.)

Analogies aside, graduation is a big point in a lot of my friends' lives. And it's affecting me, too. I've always thought too far in advance for my current situation, but all of these floating questions (what will i do? where will i live?) have occupied a lot of my pondering time lately. As have my thoughts turned ahead to this summer, and next semester. There are so many details to work out, things I have to do, that it's been amalgamating into a huge mess in my brain.

Top it off with this feeling of ominous foreboding, caused chiefly by the end of the school year and exams, and I've had a slight emotion and thought overload.

I wasn't equipped well to handle this.

And I'm not bitching, I know I can. I'm just trying to sort everything out. Nothing is clear.

but it's all been on my mind lately. and that's made it difficult to be really aware of or in tune with my surroundings. i feel like i'm in a surrealist painting. melting clocks and drying masks stretched all around me. maybe it's my preoccupation with multitasking. i don't allow myself time to just think, or time to just work, or time to just be social. i try to integrate them so i can be more efficient and kill two (or seven) birds with one stone. and i suppose that's my problem. i try to do too much, and then i bitch about it when i can't.

rachel told me i'm hopeless. she was right. it's time for some hard decision-making. i may not be taking a huge step in my life right now, or having a huge change of situation, but i would like to make a change of attitude. this lethargy is sickening, i'm not accustomed to apathy. i must start building and developing my own motivations. wish me luck, offer me a smile. i think we could all use one right now.

"the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself"

Thanks a Bunch!

So Jen has joined my poetry blog. Yay! Thanks to her, I'm one step closer to realizing my vision for that site. I'd like for it to be a forum for people who like writing and reading poetry. Where you can post poems for people to comment on, or simply join as a person who does nothing more than comment.

If you're at all interested, please let me know. The site has had precious little traffic as of late, and now I can assure you of some variety in poetry because it's not just my poems anymore. I'm taking steps to invite more poetry lovers, but all I need is your email address.

So come on people! Join the damn site (or at least check it out). You know you want to! It'll be fun and painless, I promise.

here it is, go there now damnit!

Hot Pussy. *dumps cold water on your attitude*
That's just what you needed! LOL


What Kind of Pussy Are You?
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What I Really Need

An hourly planner. You know how much easier that would make my life? I had one last year, and I actually remembered when I had to do shit. This year it's so sad. I keep forgetting huge ass assignments and the like. Bad Bad Bad BAD.

I don't even know when my finals are. And they start next week. There's just not enough room on a wall calendar for all of the shit I have to remember to do. And I need to start planning time to get work done around the scheduled crap that I have. Cause I just realized that I've gotta see like four movies in the next week. That's more than eight hours of movie-watching. That has to be planed in around my researching and trips downtown. Ugh.

And I have to go to the bank, deposit my reimbursement check, and transfer money into my checking account so I can pay my damn credit card bill.

Remind me not to go shopping anymore. Please.

Fuck. I just remembered more shit I've gotta do this week. We have bella every night cause there's a concert saturday. And I've gotta sell tickets for the concert on Wednesday and Thursday. Damnit.

And Jason is coming into town Wednesday, and I'm one of the few people who knows that, so I'm one of the first people he's going to visit. Sigh. Gotta schedule time for that too.

Could we possibly extend the day to 26 hours this week? That may help...

Oh and I just remember a positive thing at least, I don't have to work this week cause the team is on Spring Break. Though I was still planning on swimming, that'll just have to wait. No time now.

Raver Bear


Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Tick, Tock

I feel so unmotivated. To do anything really, other than sleep. And maybe read a good book. It's been a while.

I really dislike cold, rainy weather. It is the bane of my existance. My fingers are beyond numb... I only have one glove and leather gloves don't really do much for warmth anyways.

I need some chocolate. I've been craving it for a while. Who wants to hook me up?

I'm eating dinner with Alex's family tomorow night, I hope that all goes well. I have this tendancy to spill on myself, and i've decided to wear a white shirt, so hopefully I can avoid being clumsy for one night.

Oh and Happy Easter!

Screw Cold Weather

The temperature has dropped 15 degrees since i left for work this morning. NOT COOL!!! (cold actually, haha). I brought all of my sweaters home, like and idiot, however the thing is that logistically they didn't fit with all of the warm weather clothing that I brought back here. And it was 87 yesterday, so I do need it. All of it.

I keep remembering work that I've forgotten to do... like these two videos that I have to watch. Ugh. I was supposed to watch them last week but I never got around to it, plus I was sick basically all week. Hopefully I can squeeze them into my schedule sometime soon... I feel like the clock is against me.

I swam this morning, only for about an hour, and wow it was painful. It reminded me that I've gotta see the doctor soon, who hopefully won't pull out the dreaded "S" word, because I refuse. Ah well, time to start rehab again I suppose.

But yeah not swimming for 2 months = very bad idea. I've gotta get my ass back in shape and then keep it there. I just need somebody to motivate me. Volunteers?

Mmmmk, that's enough for this morning. I'm taking a nap!

Irony Ensues

I'm wasting my time again. Why is this ironic? Because that song by Default just started playing. Interesting...

I really ought to get started on my paper for music theory. I really don't feel like it though. I just want to go back to sleep.

Or plan my outfit and then spend hours making sure it works well. haha. Yesterday I wore a pretty dress, a longish one that came past my knees. Today? shorts? not sure yet... I've got too many decisions to make! Ack.

At least though I can't complain that picking out my outfit is like my toughest decision. As sad as that is, it makes me feel good - there are tougher ones to make in life.

Grrr. So my roommate's back. I hadn't seen her in days, and it made me happy. Sigh. And I'm sure it's her stupid ass that left a fucking tampon floating in the tiolet this morning, still in the damn wrapper.. my suitemates obviously haven't figured out how to use tampons yet judging by the amount of fucking trash overflowing in the damn bathroom.

Yes I am bitter this morning.

Maybe I should have some tea, my throat is still giving me issues. It hurts like whoa when I talk, which is all the freaking time, so either I need to learn how to shut up or how to heal the stupid piece of crap.

hmmm. I think I've written enough bitterness for this morning. Maybe after I get pretty and go outside I'll feel better.

What a Weekend

I'm sad that it ended. Definately fun times.

For starters, the concert on Thursday went surprisingly well. We actually did better than we did at our own concert earlier this semester. I think it's because we weren't stressed, we didn't plan everything, we didn't have to worry about anything except for singing and entertaining.

Invoice rocked the house too. Those guys can definately sing. And make good movies. They're always going to sell out their concerts. Bastards. That's what happens when you're an all-guy group at a predominantly-female college. They actually had a bunch of freshman groupies who made t-shirts that said shit like "invoice fanatics." Ugh.

Friday was a nice and relaxing day... Saturday Bella recorded No Rain, I hope it sounds good... Then Alex and I went down to UVA for this semi-formal thing... I love getting dressed up...

And yeah it was an amazingly good weekend. Relaxing, interesting, eventful, etc...

Thanks;)

I'd like a new head, please

I have a concert in 1.5 hours. And my throat still hurts, and I'm still stuffy, and my glands are still swollen.

Sigh.

Sorry to bitch overmuch, but honestly I really don't want to do this concert tonight. It's a Thursday for Pete's sake.

At least I'm not stressed. Much.

But I'm looking forward to tonight. All I have to do is get through this damn concert, then my weekend with Alex begins.

Ack.. off to hack on stage...

Damn Weather

I hate this week!! It's rained all week, and will continue raining till Friday night. It wouldn't be that bad, except it's also freezing.

And this just happens to be the week where I dont have my umbrella. Sigh.

I really don't think I should go to classes today (i rationalize skipping far too easily). It's a long walk, I'm sick, and walking in the cold wet rain is not going to help me recover.

Plus we have this stupid concert tomorrow.

How did I end up doing percussion on 3 out of 5 songs?? That really blows, fyi. And on one song I have back-up harmony for the soloist, which I will not be able to pull off in my current condition. Grrrrr.

And something that I find rather humerous.... the song that we're debuting is Walking on Sunshine. hahahaha. If only it weren't perpetually grey this week.

I think I need to go to the store and get some medication. I'm far too lazy for my own good when I get sick. I feel like doing nothing but sleep all day.

Ah well.... time to get dressed I suppose.

I love shoes

I got new shoes tonight.

I'm going to need to practice walking in them however, so I don't make myself look like a fool.

I trip in sneakers.

I think I'll need lots of practice.

Better get started.

Oh and on a happy note they're gold:)

Will somebody bring me an umbrella? It's difficult to look amazing when I'm amazingly wet...

Oops

I totally overslept this morning. I haven't done that in a really long time. It was wierd, cause I woke up when my alarm went off in this massive state of confusion. I think I thought it was night or something, cause it was rather dark outside (it's pouring) and my roommate was still awake typing her paper.

I sat and looked at her for a few minutes, and she made a motion like well are you going to turn off your damn radio. And then I remember saying something out loud like, "oh right I'll get it."

And then I turned it off. And checked my messages on AIM. And after that I fail to recall what occurred, only that I woke up 2 hours later in bed. oops.

I woke up cursing like a demon too, cause I definately had to park illegally last night. That's why my alarm went off at 6:50, I needed to move my car before 7. Plus I was supposed to get an oil change this morning. It's raining really hard though so I don't really feel like going out there again...

I did get to move my car. God must really love me, cause there was one vacated spot. I ran outside in my pjs (thankfully i wore clothes to bed last night) in the pouring rain to move it.

Maybe tomorrow.

On another note, thanks to those of you who've replied to my other journal's entries. It was awesome waking up to upteen comments this morning. I love you guys! Friends rock.

Call Me Bouquet

Everybody else does. Actually only my HC people do, but I'm afraid it will catch on.

Actually, I don't think I'd mind if it caught on. It's not a bad nickname. Highly preferrable to ones I've had in the past. Some are a little graphic that aren't fit for public viewing... so yeah you'll just have to wonder about that;)

Tonight we ate at the Olive Garden to get to know the new people on the council - two newbies this go-around. And they seem nice. I got elected as technology coordinator for next year - in other words i do the web page. haha. I'm becoming a regular computer geek.
- well maybe not... haha
I don't know too many computer geeks with my sense of fashion;)

They nominated me for secretary again, and I accepted cause I didn't think anyone else wanted te job. But then someone nominated Molly, one of our freshmen, and she accepted. So Reagan tells us all to write down our votes, and I stopped the process, looked at her and said, you can have it!! Everyone laughed... and now she's secretary. Thank God. I'm not together enough for that job!

Course it's funny, cause I really want to be business director for Bella next year. And I would be together enough for that job. So maybe it's not my organization, but my motivation. I missed director by one vote last year. I think it's a good thing I didn't get it though. I needed a year to get my feet wet in the pool again (sorry I know that's a bad pun).

I just have so many visions in my head of things to do with Bella. We can be so amazingly great... it will just take supreme dedication. I'm willing. I hope the girls will see that...

Ok that's enough for tonight. I had an amazing weekend... like always though it ended far too soon for my liking. I had some interesting experiences in DC riding the metro and trying to find things around DuPont Circle, but now at least next time I go I won't feel like a tourist. I hate feeling that way. I like trying to blend in, while not blending in. Does that make sense?

Anyway, enjoy your week dear fellows:)

Mi Vida: La Broma

¿Por qué estoy escribiendo en español hoy? Porque quiero. No tengo otras razones. Cuando salgo de mi clase de español cada dia, pienso en este idioma, y hablo a otras tambien, quien ademas no hablan la idioma. Pero no me importa, creo que es tan bella. Me recuerda de lo que este estudiante Miguel me dijo ayer, cuando yo era vestida en el vestido blanco para el concierto. Hablamos en español como siempre porque no él no puede entender o hablar en inglés bien. -Estás muy guapa hoy!- Estaba una cosa tan poquita, pero me sintió tan mejor que antes. Creo que cosas como ese me sustiene. Yo vivo oír cosas de otras sobre cada aspecto de mi vida. Y por eso, cuando yo los recibo, quiero dar en la misma manera. (Y lo siento si hablas español y estás leyendo este, sé que la grammática es terrible y que probablamente un medio de estas palabras son de mi imaginación.) Y para aplicar estos ideas a mi vida del momento, explica por que estoy le confundiendo a Alex. Pero, por eso no sé como fijarlo. Posiblemente la idea mejor de ahora es esperar. Es mi experiencia que a veces cuando cosas son malas, se hacen peor despues de se hacen mejor. Y si tú estás leyendo este y entiendes, te quiero, y lo siento - pero ahora entiendo que no puedo fijar todo de las problemas del mundo.

no deeper than your grave

It's rather obvious that I make all of my shallow and random postings here on my blog. They don't really have much to do with the status of my emotions or mind at the time that I write. They're simply mad ramblings to pass the time. Like this.

It's all about the dress

Today was a good outfit day.

For starters, it was warm (87!) and sunny all day. So I wore my cute strappy blue/green dress with fern-like leaf designs. I went hog wild with the matching eye makeup, using four different colors. That was fun and it sparked some wonderfully ego-boosting compliments.

Then tonight, I had to MC (or narrate or host or whatever you wanna call it) for the wind and percussion ensemble concert, the theme of which was "world tour."

It was the perfect opportunity to wear this dress that I've never worn, and that I'm soooo glad I brought to school on a whim last semester.

It's an asian-style dress, similar to a kimono. White silk, with pink trim on the neck line, bottom hem and side slits. Large pink and other bright colored flowers on the lower half of the front. Absolutely gorgeous.

I figured, even if I did a shitty job at least I'd get compliments on my dress! haha.

And it worked too, although the majority of compliments were from old women who kept telling me they remembered when they were as skinny as i am and oh what a beautiful dress and wasn't i just a beautiful little lady... yeah.

But I got some awesome compliments on campus too;) From people I didn't even know, -great dress!- And from friends, -why are you so dressed up?- and -that's a really pretty dress where'd you get it?-

So thanks if you complimented me, too bad if you didn't see me! haha ok I'll stop being arrogant and shallow now. G'night:)

I find this rather ironic...


Hey Princess! Get off your cell phone and listen
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and your hair. You are the typical look-
obsessed, popular "cool" girl.


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You're a traditional unicorn. Pure as a maiden's
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that you....bore everyone to death. Get a life.


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What's in a Reputation?

That was part of the discussion for our newsgathering class this morning. How much is someone's reputation worth? In one libel case against channel 7, it was worth $2 million. Course he was a doctor...

And then my prof. questioned the class, how much do you think your reputation is worth? hmmm.

I came back to my room and was scrolling through people's profiles like any good aim addict. And found myself on one of them:

"Boys are fun to play with, and if you keep them around long enough they buy you shit!"
*shortchica's insight on men.

So yeah, is this my reputation? I actually think I recall making that statement, during one of my psycho-hyper nights in bella. (I seem to have a lot of those, though recently my hyperactivity has morphed into extreme giddiness). I think it was in reference to people teasing Jen about hooking up with the hottie from the Stairwells (who can blame her? ow ow!). They were commenting that because he is a total jerk, she shouldn't have. Well yeah he's a jerk, but he's also hot. And that's where the statement came in...

So I look back on it, and even in context it sounds callous and flippant. But so are a lot of things that I say - they're for shock value. I really don't feel that way, I just like to say things to get reactions. And as for my rep.. I know I've said this before but to reiterate: the people who know me know how I really am. And those who don't, if they matter they'll find out. All else is inconsequential.

But yeah that's enough self-analysis for today:)

Positive Gratification

There's nothing better than walking out of my room feeling put together. Especially when I manage to do it in less than 15 minutes.

After donning my new coat, killer glasses, adorable purse and shoes, I strode out of my dorm like I owned this campus. Cause let's face it, I do.

And the best thing is when people stop me to say, "that's an awesome jacket," when I know I only spent about $12 on it.

I'm even having a good hair day.

Life is good.

If only I didn't have this test in 1.5 hours that I still haven't really prepared for.

Oh well... better to fail in style than not, no?

I inspire you?

Having a poem written about you is one of the most awesomest things in the entire universe.

Especially when it's a spectacular poem.

Thank you Alex:)

Let it Snow?

No, I'm not being quirky because, yes, it is snowing. It's supposed to be 80 by Thursday. I really do enjoy VA weather, it keeps me on my toes and I can have fun with the full spectrum of my outfits in the space of a week!

Doesn't do much for my sinuses thogh, ugh. You'd think they have some pill to cure sinsitis. And allergies. And the rest of the medical problems that I've inherited (thanks Dad!).

It's really pretty outside though. I wish the snow was sticking. Cause then we'd have 3 fun inches to play in and I could skip work. I hate being tied to this town every weekend. In fact I'm highly resentful. Why am I the only one who can do my job?? It's not that hard. Oh wait it is, and oh wait I'm not the only one who can do it I'm just the only one who's willing to for the amount that I get paid. People doing similar shit as me are making $30+ grand a year. That would be nice. Sigh.

On another note I had a fantasmagorical weekend, in every sense of the word. Alex is awesome, Jen and Lisa and Amanda are awesome, Billy is awesome, and AJ is the best bestfriend a gal could hope for - in other words she's beyond awesome. I'll miss you girlie.. can't wait till summer:)

Now I think it's time to go back to bed. Being awake is overrated.

Hope You're Not a David

So apparently lots of people read my profile, because I've gotten several responses to the "David" comment.

And it breaks down like this:
3 girls have reaffirmed the theory
1 girl has argued it

Still nothing from any Davids. Haha.

A True Aesthetic

I commented sometime last week in one of my journals that I wanted to be a true aesthetic. We're studying Victorian Lit in Brit Lit right now, and there were a lot of true aesthetics in the Victorian Age.

I am, unfortunately, too jaded to be one such. But I still appreciate beauty, mostly in nature though it does reach over to the world of man as well.

These thoughts were brought on by the blooming flowers and searing heat outside. I adore the Spring time. Everything is blooming and soon the trees will be awash with color and the air will be enriched with the scent of a hundred varieties of flowers.

I love this time of year.

On a more shallow note, I tan easily in this sort of weather. Soon I'll be able to wear whatever color I please without having to worry about looking washed out.

Ahh the joys of warm weather:)

Your magical style is Druidic.

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You Can Run, But I'll Still Catch You

That's my theme for this year's Junior Ring Week. Kind of a twist on an old saying as it were. Because you really can hide, and I'm not patient enough to go looking. I'm in the middle of arranging fun times for our dear HC president and the rest of the juniors. Poor Reag was attacked by student senate or something last night. He's probably going to continue getting bombarded the rest of this week.

So glad I'm not a junior.

I'm a little peeved that they haven't refilled the fountain yet. I seem to recall the same thing last year, they wanted to minimize the amount of juniors that go swimming (or rather are forced to go swimming) this week I suppose. But still, takes some of the fun out of it. And it's a really nice week. There's no reason that it shouldn't be full....

All of this makes me worry slightly about next year though. Cause everyone keeps telling me I'm going to need to watch out, they'll come back to get me. Ah well, anyone up for a late spring break next year? To the Caribbean maybe? For a week? haha.

That's all for now. Oh, and if you're a junior, I'll be seeing you;)

Enter Cool Titile Here

So my creative juices have ceased to flow for the moment. That's ok though. I'm sure they'll come back.

My predictions were correct (of course, as I am always right), I did have an excellent weekend. And I'm hopeful that those with whom I shared my weekend enjoyed themselves as well.

It's been wonderful seeing my girls, who got along beautifully of course. I love everybody. I'm just in one of those moods today.

Smile;)

Nostalgia Ensues Yet Again

I'm awake right now for no other reason than to sit and read about this past year. Why did last semester suck so much? I re-read my blog from the beginning, slightly surprised that I only began it less than a year ago - in April.

I left a LOT of details out of my life... such as is always the case when it comes to me making my private life and thoughts public. Often times my friends laugh at me for sharing too much information, but at the same time there are things about me that no one knows.

I didn't finish reading about last semester, because I really need to get more sleep and actually study for this quiz I have today - for the first time I don't completely get the material we're being quizzed on, mainly because it's memorization rather than concepts and we all know how my brain works.

Reading though made me miss Lindsay and AJ tons... I can't believe that they're both going to be here this weekend. I'm slightly unsure what to do about it too...

They're both my best friends but from seperate spheres of my life. I feel like I need to spend solo time with both of them - but still where will I find the time? And that if I force them to hang out with each other I'll be selling someone short and will cause feelings of resentment. Ah well. I'm sure that all of my fears are unfounded - I have the most caring and understanding best friends in the universe.

This is going to be a good weekend.

Bite Me Hard

That used to be my saying. Until my mom told my brother to actually bite me. Then I stopped. Cause bite marks are not cosmetic. Trust me.

So I cleaned up my room today. Kinda. I actually just stuffed my clothing in all of my drawers... I'm going to have to go back and rearrange it later.. cause I'm anal like that. Yes, my drawers and closet are arranged by type, color, and style. And season.

Oh my. Do I need professional help? haha.

"Bang Head Here"

I need a sign on my wall that says that. Because I seem to be doing it a lot of late, might as well designate a spot.

What is it about me that makes me a carpet? I like to think of myself as a strong person. But lately I've come to the conclusion that I really must be weak because I allow myself to get pushed around.

I hate it when people refuse to help themselves. Maybe that's where I'm strong, in that I'm not afraid to stand alone and be independant. I may not like it sometimes, and it may be difficult, but I can do it.

I've gone through some seriously fucked up relationships in the past few months. Is this a reflection of me? Or just of my poor judgement? At any rate... the future is looking promising. Pray for me on this one...

I had an amazingly fun lunch today with Jen and Krys. Thank you ladies for listening to me alternately bitch and swoon. And for offering sound advice about my current issues. I think they're dealt with for some time now, sooner than I would have pushed... but I suppose in that I've never been one to take the initiative. At least I don't feel like I'm walking on a tightrope anymore.

Freedom is a heady yet heavy feeling. I love you all.

About Jane and Florida

Sh0rTcHiCa: hey:-)
Sh0rTcHiCa: did you get my message? and how did your paper go?
greinlady: hey chicklette, good timing
greinlady: just finished
greinlady: yes i got you msg
Sh0rTcHiCa: cool beans
Sh0rTcHiCa: and good job!
greinlady: thnx
greinlady: so whats up?
greinlady: how was sleeping with jayne eyre?
Sh0rTcHiCa: lol
Sh0rTcHiCa: you mean sleeping ON her:-)
Sh0rTcHiCa: and not bad, though i think i left a drool stain
Sh0rTcHiCa: haha
Sh0rTcHiCa: j/k
greinlady: lol oh i see
greinlady: ewww im sure that turned her on
Sh0rTcHiCa: hehe
Sh0rTcHiCa: you know it did;-)
greinlady: yeah
greinlady: it would me
Sh0rTcHiCa: hehe
Sh0rTcHiCa: :-)
greinlady: i responded on ur entry
Sh0rTcHiCa: ok
Sh0rTcHiCa: thanks

--edited for content--

Sh0rTcHiCa: yeah i think i just need to get away
greinlady: O:-)
greinlady: yeah
greinlady: but where are u going to go?
Sh0rTcHiCa: somewhere sunny for grad school
greinlady: serious!
Sh0rTcHiCa: what do you wanna do after college?
greinlady: um i dont know
greinlady: live with you somewhere sunny
greinlady: like florida
greinlady: :-)
greinlady: have fun
greinlady: i dont think i want to do grad school though
Sh0rTcHiCa: we should go to the same city and live together:-)
Sh0rTcHiCa: yeah florida!!!
greinlady: most definetly
greinlady: im down
greinlady: here's the plan
Sh0rTcHiCa: ok
Sh0rTcHiCa: oh i was thinking of taking a year off ater college though
Sh0rTcHiCa: to work
Sh0rTcHiCa: cause i'm poor
greinlady: we can graduate and move to florida and start kinda from scratch and work and just try to build up our lives, perfectly fine we can work :-) and ill try to get a job in interenational business or business in florida, but that will take some time i'm sure, so just doing whatever until i get in
greinlady: and then u can go to grad school
greinlady: or we can take a year after school
greinlady: live at home, save money
greinlady: move to florida
greinlady: and u start grad school and i try and start the work force
Sh0rTcHiCa: yeah:-) it acually might be beter if we move first... i dunno
Sh0rTcHiCa: but that would be SOOOO awesome:-)
greinlady: we can see closer the time
greinlady: yeah it would
greinlady: because i dont want to live in new york or la or anything, but florida would be the right atmosphere for international business and i really want to settle back east
greinlady: i love ca, but i couldnt live here forever
greinlady: too expensive
Sh0rTcHiCa: yeppers:-)
greinlady: and warm weather would make us happy
Sh0rTcHiCa: i wonder how it is in florida...
Sh0rTcHiCa: and beaches!!
greinlady: yeh!
greinlady: and cute boys!
Sh0rTcHiCa: yay!!!!!
Sh0rTcHiCa: ok i'm sold
Sh0rTcHiCa: hehe
greinlady: i dont know, but it doesn't matter if we stay there forever, it would just be an experience for us
greinlady: develop our character :-)
Sh0rTcHiCa: exactly:-)
greinlady: how exciting
Sh0rTcHiCa: plus i wanna live somewhere other than fred'burg while i'm still young and beautiful!
greinlady: we're moving to florida!
Sh0rTcHiCa: lol
greinlady: good call
greinlady: but you will always be beautiful ;-)
greinlady: and young at heart
Sh0rTcHiCa: lol
Sh0rTcHiCa: i hope so!!!!
Sh0rTcHiCa: haha
greinlady: i know so
greinlady: but listen, ive got to walk this paper over
greinlady: ill be back in a bit
Sh0rTcHiCa: ok have fun:-)
greinlady: oh you know it
greinlady: and i have nothing to do later ifyou are still on
Sh0rTcHiCa: i'll be here with jane;-)
greinlady: ask her if she wants to come to florida with us :-)
Sh0rTcHiCa: haha yeah i'm on for another 3 hours of procrastination till bella
greinlady: bye sweetie
Sh0rTcHiCa: haha ok bye:-)

I wore green this morning by accident. A sign?

Anyway, Happy St. Patrick's Day! I'm in a better mood today, sorry for those of you who read my rant last night. I can't stay pissed like that for too long, except when I'm continually reminded of the reason behind my anger (who calls people at 8:30 in the morning?!?).

But yeah, the weather kinda sucks today. I wish it were sunny to go along with the warm, but I'll live. I tried reading Jane Eyre last night, and passed out on the book. And right now I'm debating sleeping or reading more.

I think I'm going to wear something cute today. I need a pick-me-up. Too bad Amanda's not in town, we had a date for Maggie Moo's that kept getting post-poned. I could use some yummy ice cream right now! Plus I think she offered to pay cause she knows how broke-ass I am - haha.

Anyway have a good day:) And try to think sunny, maybe then the sun will emerge due to the power of our desires (yes, I was smoking up this morning - it's a green day right? haha Greenday. ok sorry).

Tonight was frustrating beyond belief. I'm so upset right now that I just feel like throwing everything i own out of the window and watching it crash into the cars in the parking lot below. And if you know me, then you know how much I love my shit, and that I must be pretty fucking upset if I'm willing to throw it all away (especially the new shoes i just bought, totally cute).

And yes, part of my frustration stems from my inabilty to properly communicate myself to others. Because I don't really understand myself, so how can I expect anyone else to? But then again, I'm not sitting around asking myself 30285402395 questions trying to understand my every action and motivation. I'm not a fucking idealist (no offense to my dear sister and other NF's who I really do love).

At any rate, I hate to fucking end on such a negative note. Because I had such an amazing break and today wasn't all that bad till about 2 hours ago (though I was ready to kill some of my kids and this one mom at work- who the fuck does she think she is trying to tell me she doesn't like my "teaching philosphy"? not my fault that her daughter is a fucking wimp.) hmm yeah...

But I did manage to brighten one awesome person's day I think:) which makes me feel happy.

So yeah - it's bed time for my annoyed self. Maybe when I wake up in 5.5 fucking hours I'll be in a better mood.

Looks like the big sis and I have a lot in common;)


Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
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You are an angel.

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One Week

I haven't written in a week. Cause damn, it's been good. My bleak forecast of a boring Spring Break turned out to be utterly false. Thanks in no small part to Jen's insistance that we hang, I had an amazing time.

I won't be updating this nearly as often anymore. I have a new journal. And it's private. I'm sick of speaking in metaphor and trying to cloud my real thoughts. What's the purpose of a "diary" if it has to be edited and censored?

A few weeks ago I went back and re-read my old diaries from high school, on paper of course. Those were interesting times. I actually only wrote constantly from the beginning of my freshman year to the end of my sophomore. When I was single, and rather psychotic.

When I visited Rach the other week she pointed out that I talk about boys overmuch, which must be because I was in a 3 year relationship and am at a predominantly female school. But that's not true (though it does factor in). I've always been like that. I was mad obsessive about like 15 guys at a time in high school. I recall coming home with a "boyfriend list" in first grade, and showing my sister. I'd asked certain boys to sign it if they wanted to be my boyfriend. And it definately had a good number of names. I probably would have had quite a few "boyfriends" in elementary and middle school, if it hadn't been for the fucking "ugly duckling" syndrome (I was cute in first grade, after that it was all over for me). And then when I finally got myself figured out in high school, I didn't know what to do with all of the new attention, it was overwhelming and made me jaded. I hadn't changed, just my appearance. Were people that shallow? They were, and still are. I am too in a lot of ways. I try not to be, I hate myself for it sometimes. But there it is.

So I hate to end this blog on a bitter note though. I really did have a great week. Meet a totally awesome new person, reconciled some misunderstandings with Rob, toured uva for my first time, and really got a feel for traveling. Not bad for just a week;)

Right, About That...

So apparently this stupid flower quiz thingy screwed up my html, grrrrr, but it's ok I fixed it.

Spring Break starts today. I'm definately excited. I only have one class, and in it a 90 second quiz. Literally. We get timed for 90 seconds, and then we hand it in (my music theory prof. is weird. way cool, but way wierd).

I'm sad that AJ doesn't blog anymore:( But I totally understand her reasons. And it makes me wonder if should stop too. But blogger isn't my real problem. Email and AIM are. I wish they would both die! But then I don't know what I would do with my life...

I feel kinda bad cause I was in a bitchy mood this morning. So for that I apologize.

Happy Spring Break:)

I'm a Daffodil. I'm respectable, upstanding and proper. I do everything with class, even when no one is looking. Respect is important to me, and I deserve it because I have never farted in my life. Nor do I masturbate. Also my pinky sticks out when I drink from a glass.
What bloom are you? by Polly_Snodgrass

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


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Damn It Feels Good to be a Gangsta

Anyone opposed to war with Iraq should go here and sign because it's a good cause.

So why is today a gangsta day? Well it's not really. Yesterday was. But I still have that song in my head. And to be honest, it's relaxing me, which is nice. Because it's so chill and laid back, while I'm all uptight and worried about getting all this shit done.

It's Ash Wednessday, and I was going to go to church today, but I'm thinking that it's not a Holy Day of Obligation. Hmmm.

Now it's time to roll out, sit in my chizzair, and start on my shiznic. Wish me luck;)

Four More Days

Yes, that's it. Four more till Spring break. I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can....

Here's the countdown: one oral presentation, one midterm, one paper, one progress report on a paper.

I can do it, right?

Well maybe if I spend less time talking and more time doing...

On another note - we got an apartment last night for next year. It's in a good location. So I'm happy.

I dislike research. And I have a lot to do this week. I think I can...

At least one of my classes was cancelled for the rest of the week - so I actually only have five more classes total this entire week. I can handle that.

Front Foot Leads the Back One

So yeah - very sad that in the middle of my post my compu screwed up and it didn't work and now I have to retype it so grrr!
And a second coming is never as good as the original.

So in brief: my weekend rocked, I went to visit Rach and see her musical; more later.

This week is going to be hell but hey Spring Break is in one week and that's going to be heaven!

Tonight we recorded So Long by Guster at Bella - it sounded amazing (hence the above reference).

And I'm in a good mood, no thanks to the weather which seems determined to freeze me to death!

So long:)

I Could Have Danced All Night....
(oh wait, i did)

This weekend was SUCH a good time! I went to Velvet on Saturday night for Jen's early bday party, and it was Mardi Gras, and was soooooo much fun!!

Seriously, I'd forgotten how fun clubbing is, I hadn't been in so long. Especially Velvet.

There was the incredible "sea of men", half naked men with lots and lots of muscles grinding in this huge mass of writhing figures. Wow.

And of course, who did I run into as soon as I arrived, but Ryan. That boy is the best dancer on Earth. Period. I love clubbing with him!

And Carmela came too (and Dave and Lisa), and Carmela and I are dancing buddies and boy was that a fun time!

And we all looked hot!

Ok that's enough, happy Monday! (what??)

Reaffirming

I'm babysitting Andrew right now, he just fell asleep half on the fouton, half on the floor. The kid is too cute.

Gotta tell you, I enjoy my quiet Friday nights every now and then. No pressure to look cute, go out, be a people person. I guess this is my introverted half exerting itself.

Kinda nice.

And it's funny, Jeni asked me to go to Velvet tomorrow night, and I was feeling so relaxed that I actually didn't want to go for a few minutes. And I've been wanting to go all year. haha. Well she convinced me, and I'm going to go out tomorrow night and be a poeple person and party and dance and have a wonderful time.

But tonight I'm relaxing. Hope you enjoyed your Friday night as much as I did:)

Sleep Please

I'm really tired today. Beyond tired.
I think it's a good time to take a nap.

It's a funny thing though, it's 56 degrees outside and the snow is still higher than my knees. So I'm walking around in a t-shirt and a light jacket with sunglasses on, and there's snow everywhere. Haha.

Ok maybe you don't find that funny. But I do. I think I'll go to bed now.

Smack me, please

So we had a nice five day weekend due to the snow, where I got absolutely nothing accomplished. Well for the most part of it I had a big meet, which I did fairly well at. But the two days that were snow days, yeah I did squat.

Why the request for abuse? Sometimes I feel like that's what I need to get my ass in gear. Something bad to happen, someone to hit me and say, "wake up!", etc.

On a side note, my arms are really itchy and for once it's not due to dry skin, this time rather it's the hair growing back in. Ugh.

Sorry to digress, at any rate I have made some progress. I cleaned and vacuumed my room last night for the first time in a long while. I finally called financial aid to talk to them about my aid, though they were as unhelpful as always (is unhelpful a word? I don't think so...).

I should be getting money back from the government any day now, which is a very good thing. And my current credit bill is all ready to be paid, with all receipts accounted for and paper clipped to the statement, with the bill portion in the stamped envelope waiting to be accompanied by a check with a very high number on it.

Maybe I don't need to be smacked after all.

lol, last night's blog is interesting, i was considering editing it, but i think the spelling errors make it funny so i'll leave it.

And rachel got me on one of those sites where people tell you how ugly you are, lol, the link is to the left. Be nice!

Haha

So yeah tonight was our after conference party. It was a goofd time!! I walked back in the snow with susie cause last timne shje got lost and she was really drunk, and i have a goof sense of direction so i made sure she got back okl.

RIght now i;'m drinking lots of water, cauyse i don't want to have a headache whe i wake up in the morning, though i gotta tell ya that I've nebver had a hanf over before, and i fon't intend on starting now!!

I had such a great time tonight, ebveryone was so cool and great and fun and it was just an amazing time and im sorruy that some peopel had some drama but you know what it's ok becuase they probablyt won't rememebr it tomorrow.

Which reminds me, clases are cancelled tomorrow!!! not like i was going anyways, but you know it's still way cool:) i love days off
and i don't have a roommate this time cause she's been fgone all weekend so i love it.

Bye now:)

I'm singing in the...... Snow?

Oh yes, boys and girls, it's that time again. Blizzard time!! And this time the predictions are holding out for over a foot of snow.

Ha.

Well I figure as long as it doesn't mess with my swim meet or after-conference party, I could really care less.

We're already well above the average snow fall rate, and it's not even halfway through blizzard season. I seem to recall some big ones in March over the past few years.

What a snowy winter.

At least it's pretty though. Cause the snow is coming down in big clumps, and it's very pretty on the trees and the bushes and the grass and the cars. In honor of this pretty snow, I'm going to republish my poem entitled "First Snow" on my other blog.

You should read it, it's a good poem!!

Apathy Ensues

Does everyone who goes to college hate it?
Well it's not that I hate college - I just hate all of the work that goes along with it.
And yes, I realize that I'm bitching, but we all have our moments.
At any rate, I would LOVE it if all I had to do was go to class, pay attention, take notes, and maybe (just maybe) even read a little bit (and I mean a VERY little bit). Screw exams, screw reading whole books, screw trying to shove oodles of information into an already too-full head.

And on that note, I shall retire to more reading, which will be followed by more reading and, did I mention that I'll be reading tonight?

Hope your day was more fun than mine...

Right, about that...

I'm having html issues today. I screwed up my links, screwed up my fave tracker, and just grrrr!!!

So I walked 10 minutes over to Westmoreland for Spanish conversation hour, because I'm required to go to 10 this semester and I have yet to grace any with my presence. I get there, and it's in Combs for the night cause they're watching a movie. That I've already seen twice!!! And I'm dead tired, caues I got up at 4:20 am, so I would probably fall asleep and then have the long ass walk back at like 11 when the movie was over??!?!!
I think not.
So I just came straight back here. To get some work done. And how much have I done? Nothing! Good job guessing!
I think I suck at life.
Or maybe just life sucks at me.

I hate the world

Just Another Manic Monday

Well it's Monday yet again. Another week passes by in the sandstorm of life. I set out to accomplish a lot today, and yeah definately didn't. And I'm not surprised, just dissappointed in myself yet again for my lack of motivation and my poor organizational skills. Maybe I should drop out of school, get a job, ge married and have 2398542374 kids. Cause at least then I'll be doing something. Or maybe not...

I must admit, I find that description flattering. haha.

You are the Figher Femme


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The End is Near

Tonight was our girls' team pasta dinner, followed by some team bonding activities. It was a pretty emotional night, as we tossed around this ball of yarn for something called the "string game," where you say something nice about the person you toss the yarn to, and hang on to your piece, creating a huge web. It made me remember the reasons why I'm swimming this year, and why I am and will always be a swimmer, regardless of how fast or talented that I am.
The team spirit is an important thing; something that I've learned moreso this year than any other in my entire life. I think it's kind of fitting that I had a great deal of heart break this past year, because I've had these wonderful teammates to help me through it, and I've had swimming to allow me somewhere to concentrate my frustrations and dissappointments and other negative feelings.
I realize, that yeah I may have gone from a big wig in the debate world to a nobody in the swimming world, but I'm part of something bigger this way. It's hard to describe, but if you've ever been on a team remotley like this one, you may have an inkling about what I'm trying so hard to express through the inadequacy of words. And even then, you won't come close to the full comprehension. I am blessed for being a part of this. Thank you everyone who has aided me along the way.

Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens

Well MWC has yet another snow day, after being blessed/ cursed with 7 inches of snow last night and this morning. I, being the idiot that I am, was out driving around last night as the snow fell - but I feel the experience was a learning one because I know better how to drive in snow and appreciate the warmth of my bed all the more.
The rest of bella is in Rochester this weekend, and I am not. It's sad in a lot of ways, I wish I was there with them. I didn't have to work this morning, I didn't have class today. All that I would have missed is swim practice. And since I am a surperflous team member for swimming and an intrinsic team member for Bella, it makes me wonder.
Oh well. Dwelling on the "what ifs," while a favorite past time of mine, accomplishes nothing.
And I keep reconsidering my whole outlook on dating and the world of relationships in general. I mean, what is the point of me wanting to date other guys when I know that it will never amount to anything? Ah well, just some more mindless ramblings on a snow covered day.

I run off, where the drifts get deeper

Laziness Ensues

Why am I so unmotivated and lazy?? Seriously, I think I deserve to fail out of school. Ah well. Yeah, I'm really tired. It's bed time most definately. And maybe I can wake up early tomorrow and get some work done. I hope so.

Boys, boys, boys

Yes, there were many this weekend. And I would like to thank them for being so cool and talented and hot, and for making our concert a huge-ass success. I also got some great criticism for the concert, which I will be applying ASAP to Bella's day to day functionings so that we can get on gear and become one of those groups where everyone says, WOW they're awesome!!!
I know it will happen one of these days.
The after-party was a total trip, thank you Libby for being cool and allowing us to party in your apartment even after the cops came by and were bastards and were threatening you with court and all.
And in my last thank you, this one is to Rob for being understanding and for not hating me for treating you like shit, cause basically that's what I did, and I'm sorry.
Bu yeah I don't want t end my blog on a sad note - so yeah the party was SUCH a fun time, even though I was a sober sister with Lisa-Marie, it reminded me of all the times last year when I never drank and everyone else was so trashed and it was soo funny. Of course, that didn't stop me from wanting to drink, cause at Bella parties we always have the best drinks on earth like Sky Blue and and Mike's and yummy wine coolers. Screw the beer. Anyways - thank to my bellas too for a well-planned and well-done show! You know that I love you all!

What is "Fair"?

Yesterday, I had to sit around for 2 hours and listen to a friend of mine complaining that something wasn't "fair". I wanted to scream, to smack her accross the head for being stupid, to get up on my soapbox and preach about the true meaning of "fair".
But I didn't, because I'm a good friend. I listened, consoled, and attempted to convince her that not everything in this life is supposed to go her way, that she can't have complete and utter control over everything and everyone. Did my words get through to her? Probably not.
And so it got me started thinking about fairness. I just read AJs blog, and it reminded me of why I stopped paying attention to politics. The US is one big unfair meanie when it comes to international politics. Debate helped me realize this last year, and now I'm so dissillusioned with out government that I can't stand to hear about some of the idiot things that we do. We are never fair, and for the most part we care only about our own interests. We are selfish.
And I use the term "we" because, even though you and I are not government officials, we live in this country, we vote (or at least have the right to), and therefore no matter what our ideologies or personal beliefs, we support our government. We pay taxes. If we truly wanted to not support the government, we would leave the country. And that is my belief. So even though I am not by any means a fan of Bush or of his policies, I'm still an American, I'm not actively trying to oust him from office, so I must support him.
Now I know that this logic doesn't actually flow. But it's an outsiders perspective of us - the US citizens. And outside of this country, that's where life REALLY isn't fair. People die from stupid diseases all the time. Government corruption and dictators and bandits and militia kill innocents, even children. So everytime I hear someone whine about how something isn't "fair", privately I shake my head and think, you have no idea.

An Utter Lack of Deep Thoughts

Yeah, there's no room for introspection in my brain today. It's snowing outside. We're supposed to get 1 - 3 inches of accumulation by tomorrow. Wow. And I keep forgetting that my sled is at home.
I made a step in the right direction today. I talked to my Newsgathering professor about internships at the Free-Lance Star. So maybe I will have a real job this semester. I hope so. I also printed out an application for Parks and Rec, cause old habbits die hard and teaching really isn't that bad of a job and it pays twice what I would get anywhere else.
I don't think I have any more thoughts for today. I'm too tired really to think, except I think I should consider going to bed earlier. Sigh.

Another day, just believe.
Another day, just breathe.

Life beats on in minutes, seconds, hours, decades...
And we all just keep plugging along.
There are some who stop to ponder,
There are some who watch the rest scramble by,
And here I am, stuck in the middle.
The true definition of indecision?
A true indecisive will never decide.
Hindsight is always 20-20,
But life should be lived without regrets.
The proverbs and cliches tell us how to live,
But following the silver trail in the black ocean
Just somehow seems my inevitable path.
Sometimes it's clear and vivid like the empty sky itself.
Sometimes it's choppy, broken by wake and wind and waves.
And sometimes it dissappears,
Leaving me wandering aimlessly,
Praying for the pallid light and path to return.
And sometimes I see it, but I turn the other way.
I wander into the blackness
As time ticks predictably by.
Another minute, another second, another lifetime.


Another day, I'm used to it by now,
Just breathe

A sorta Fairytale...

Bienvenido a mi vida... Yeah anyways. I didn't get a ticket today! Definately cause for rejoicing. And we are officially into taper, I can smell the end of the swim season - it's almost here!! Well actually, I can't really Smell it persay, cause actually it will be characterized by a Lack of smell - no more chlorine!! Well maybe some, yeah I know I still work at a pool and I'll probably still be swimming every now and then so my muscles don't atrophy and so I don't gain 480387429487 lbs, but anyways let me have my dumb cliches!
Ok now I'm just ranting. Time for the madness to stop.

It is freezing outside!! The wind chill is 5 degrees. I'm pretty sure that it's NOT supposed to be that cold in Virginia, ever!!
Right now I'm parked illegally, cause of course when I got back from work the lot was full. Every five seconds I run to the window and check the parking lot to see if there's a cop so I can jo down and move my car or if there's an empty space.
Ok, now the wind chill is -2 degrees. HAHAHAHA. Yeah, that's why I didn't park at the Battlegrounds this morning. Walking over a mile in cold like that??? I think not. Especially with wet clothes (the hazards of working at a pool).
Hopefully I won't get another ticket, cause if I do I have NO money to pay it at all. Oh well. Shit happens.

The superbowl is a killer.
Like last year, I really didn't know who I was cheering for. I'm nuetral about both teams. But I can't help but feel bad for the Raiders, or I guess the losing teams in general. It's sad seeing grown men cry.
Well, enough of that.

I had a good weekend. It caused me to get a little introspective, which I suppose is a good thing at times. But of course, it makes me think about my shortcomings, and there are so many that it's a little depressing.
Or maybe it's just that it's Sunday night, I have to get up in 6 hours, and the upcoming week is looking busy and stressful.
Maybe that's it.

The Breath of God?

This afternoon's practice wasn't going very well. Whenever the whole team is in the water, for some reason it stirs up some chemicals and makes it difficult to breathe, and the majority of us begin hacking every time we come up for air.
Unfortunately, I'm usually one of the first afflicted with this dreadful coughing. It keeps me awake late at night, coughing into my pillow, trying not to wake up the entire dorm and trying not to eject my lungs out of my body.
So today, when the whole team started sounding like a bunch of lifetime smokers, coach opened up the pool doors; all 6 or 7 of them. That helped a little, but not enough.
Then, in the middle of a difficult set, a wave of steam poured over the deep end. He'd opened the sliding glass doors to the outside, for just a minute. The air rushing in had a wind chill of about 10 degrees (right now it's at 5). I gasped in the air, litterally sucking it in as fast as I could. When we reached the other end, the whole team was abuzz.

Me: That was so amazing! I can't even describe how amazing that air felt!
Pris: I know man
Me: Seriously, I don't have any words. It was just... It was so..
Pris: It was like God was breathing into your mouth.
Me: Exactly!!!

Well that was one of the coolest things I've ever heard anyone say, and probably one of the most appropriate too. There is absolutely no other way to describe the sensation of suddenly being able to breathe.
Who knew swimming would teach me to appreciate the little things in life? A little fresh air goes a long way I guess.

Wanted: Cajones

I am such a wimp sometimes. I wish that I had the gift of a free tongue, and the ability to put into words what bothers me to those that actually need to hear it. But I don't, so I sit here bitching to no one in particular about problems that I could easily fix if I just grew some balls.
Maybe steroids will work, they make women more manly, right?
Here's the deal: Last night, it's after 12, and I'm falling asleep.
Giggle giggle. No way!
I jolt back to reality with the sound of my roomate talking on her cell phone with her boyfriend. I think he must monopolize the conversations, cause she doesn't say much. But every 3, 4 minutes or so when she does get in a few words, they are loud. This goes on for an hour. Why!!!!!
I am one of the most non-confrontational people I know. I hate it. Actually, hate is not a strong enough word. I abhor it. But I'm sure my roommate doesn't mean any harm. She's such a little, quiet person. She just has some habbits that I find incredibly inconsiderate, and I can't seem to find the words to mention this.
Maybe I should take some assertion classes or something. Like I have the time.
Oh well. I guess that if it starts to bother me enough, I will say something. I just don't want to be one of THOSE people. You know, the bitchy ones.

This morning was a gift- from hell.
And the snow that's falling constantly, a blessing or a curse?

Either way, it's not helping to lighten my mood like it usually does. Why am I so grumpy? After all, it's still before 10 am. Most sane people aren't even awake yet. Well I've been up since 5:30, for work. But I never made it. Because I went outside in the freezing temperatures, to find one of my tires completely flat. Completely and totally. I've seen this happen to many many cars in my parking lot. Is this a joke? I don't think it's funny.
So I need my car, I have a lot of errands to run. And I'm not about to change my tire by myself in the snow. So I call AAA. It's about 6:15 by now, after I've already called my father to tell him I'll be missing work. They tell me the tow truck should come within the hour. That gives me till 7:15, and with an 8:00 class that's cutting it close, but I figure it shouldn't take that long. I mean how many people need tow trucks at 6 am? So I go inside and pass out on the couch in the lobby, waiting for a call to let me know the truck is almost here. And I wake up several times to check the clock. 6:30, 6:45, 7:00... where is the damn tow truck??? I call around 7:15, and wait on hold for 5 minutes. AAA tells me the tow truck company will call me back. A few minutes later, they call - and tell me the driver is "right around the corner". Five minutes later, they call again. Where exactly is this parking lot?
Right.
So I tell them, again. And wait another 5 minutes. Finally, the guy shows up. And my spare is soft. That's ok, I figured he'd have an air compressor. After all, he's going to change a tire right? Aren't air compressors handy? But no. So here I am, it's 7:45, I have class in 15 minutes all the way accorss campus in the farthest possible building, and I still have a flat tire. AND I got up at 5:30, and made no money cause I didn't go to work.
Sorry to bitch so much, but honestly. This morning sucked.
But I have nice friends that like to cheer me up. Thanks Jason:)