Ok Rachel, Thank you for making me feel like the procrastinator and underacheiver that I am!!! I wish I was getting things done, I wish that every five minutes I didn't say, oh I can do this later. But I do, and then I want to shoot myself for it later. I suppose maybe when I'm a year older I'll have gained some semblance of responsibility. I just wonder how Rach attained hers. Good job, elder sister. You're doing well at collecting those pebbles in the road less taken.

So I'm back into life with a smack.
At least that's what it feels like. Getting up for morning practice was rather difficult. Possibly cause I only got 5 hours of sleep. Sigh. I still haven't bought my books yet, I had to wait until I got my bank statement, cause I really wasn't sure how much money I had. But thankfully, that finally came - and I balanced my checkbook. I have enough to pay for my credit card bill, and I guess I'll put my books on the card, so that when the next bill comes I'll have another month or two to make money. Sigh. Why can't education be free? I know I know, that was a rhetorical question.
I took a test on emode called "Why are you still single?" The answer was something I've known for a long time, I'm afraid to committ. If you haven't joined emode, you really should - cause the tests are rather interesting.
We lost our first meet on Saturday. It was very sad. Well, the boys won, they beat Gettyburg for the first time ever, but we lost at home for the first time (not sure if that's an "ever" though, it may just be the first time in a while). I did ok, my first swim was bad but I made up for that on the other one. I kind of feel worthless to the team though, cause I'm still an exhibition swimmer, and I have a feeling I'll stay that way right through conferences. I don't realy mind, I didn't have big expectations cause I was never really fast and I took over a year off; but I sometimes worry that because I'm not needed, I'm not wanted. Well - these are probably unfounded fears, but oh well.
And I realize I'm skipping around a lot right now, but I'm tired, and I'm waiting for my roommate to leave so I can take a nap. This no class till 1pm thing is awesome, and it's going to rock even more after the swim season is over. For this week at least, though, I still have to get up at 5:30 every morning, I'm still working and we still have morning practice.
Ah well, Yay for rambling, now it's naptime.

First week (well half-week) of classes is over. And that horrible, overwhelming feeling is only beginning to descend upon me. At least it's not here yet though; cause i think that would just be really sad. But yeah - there is an overwhelming amount of activity that is going to be taking over my life for the next month, and after Valentine's Day weekend - I will be able to breathe. Finally. I can't wait.

I LOVE this mixed cd that AJ made for my bday. I love all of the songs on it, thank you girlie!! Today was an interesting day. I'm not really in the mood to type about it right now, but maybe another time. I kind of just feel like laying down and reading my book. But I have a meet tomorrow so I should probably go to bed I guess. I dunno. But yeah, ok, I'm feeling lazy...

Thank God for friends!!

I just read AJ's blog, I was catching up on all of the time that I missed while in Florida (I really feel like I dropped off the face of the earth for 2 week), and I'm so happy that we're such good friends. She made the salient point that being apart for long periods of time hardly seems to affect our friendship, and looking at our history I would have to agree:)

At home yesterday, I finally pulled out the diary I started writing in first grade. I haven't looked at it in years. Back in 92, when I was 9 years old, I started making lists of who my friends were, how much of my friend each person was, and why. It was enlightening reading, since most of the people I wrote about I'd forgetten even existed. This continued on for a while, and I also wrote about what boys I was in love with and why. I found an interesting pattern to; whenever I was enamored with someone, it was always for a long time. As in, at least 2 years. I don't get over crushes easily. I'd always wondered why my first-ever relationship (with Robbie) has lasted so long when most people have at least a few short ones. I guess this kind of shows why. I don't become infatuated easily, so when I fall, it's for however long that person stays in at least my peripheral, or till I decide that he's really a big jerk.

But back on the friendship vein, I wrote that AJ was one of my best friends in 93, when I was in fifth grade. That was 10 years ago. It's good to know that we really can stand the test of time and distance.
(Sorry about being so corny, but I'm sleepy, it's nap time, and I always get slightly melodramatic when I'm tired.)

I'm back!!! Relaxing here at school, in front of my computer, waiting for classes to start tomorrow!! Today is Michelle's birthday, but she's taking me out cause she wanted to:) haha. It should be fun I hope. I have a lot of things to do today, and I have what will be a very painful practice at 2:00, but yeah - I am so glad to be home. However, I am really missing the beach. On the way there, as we passed by the ever-increasing number of palm trees and as the weather warmed to the point of tank tops and shorts, I had to sit and wonder what my life would have been like if I'd taken that full ride to the U of Florida. I wouldn't have any of the money issues that have been plaguing me and my family, but at the same time I wouldn't have any of the friends that I've made. And even though this year has brought me a lot of heartache, I do think that I'm truly happy here, I just wish that logistically everything would work out as I'd like it to - that Lindsay was still here, that I have enough scholarship money to not worry about if I'll still be here in a year, that my grades would be better, and I could probably go on for ages.

But I know that's not the way the world works.

Happy New Year!!!!
I am really looking forward to this year. For all of the rough times that I know lie ahead, I'm positive that I will make it through them and that I will manage to enjoy myself this year. I used to make resolutions back in high school. I think I may have a few now, too. And maybe I'll keep these - I've had mixed success in the past, some I've kept, some I haven't, and some I ended up not wanting to keep (like the year i resolved to stay away from a certain boy -even though i was still in love with him- because he kept breaking my heart, but then we ended up getting really close again and i decided i didn't need to keep that particular resolution- ps i probably should have but oh well). But yeah - for 2003: I'm going to work harder in school and attempt to remember that I'm there to learn and not just to have fun. I'm going to do a better job managing my finances and seeing to it that i can continue my education. I'm going to keep swimming over the summer so that I can continue to improve next year. I'm going to get a real job where you actually wear clothes. I'm going to attempt to beat the procrastination bug out of myself by any means necessary.

I don't think these resolutions will be too hard to keep.
On another note, tonight was my last night with AJ - and I had a good time though I wonder now whether I should have just stayed in with her, had daquari's and watched dvd's. Because we didn't get to talk much, and that's what's best about hanging out together - our conversations. I feel like the night was a slight letdown, but I don't know. It was my best new years in a long time, just because for the first time since 98 or so I was with friends, rather than family, and I always have the most fun among friends. Ah well.

I'm leaving in a few hours (practice at 1, leaving at 3pm) for Florida, and I'm excited about this training trip. I have a feeling it will hurt, but it will be filled with lasting memories too. I'm so glad I'm swimming this year. I never realized how much I missed it till I was back in the water, swimming fast, and hanging out with fellow swimmer/ friends. I feel like it's where I belong. Anyways, I need to pack and get my ass into bed pronto. Happy New Year everyone!

Again, with the interesting time of year junk....
Last night I pulled out all of my old diaries from high school and started reading them, beginning with the August before my freshman year. That was back in 97. I was a very interesting child, I suppose I still am, haha. I think I may start posting a few of those entries on here, when I have time and liesure - they give an insight on how my mind worked, and still works in some respects, and also I was much freer with my words because it was meant for my eyes only. It was also interesting to see that my writing style has changed very little too. Even back then I wrote using big words and elevated, even poetic diction at times. That's just the way I am. I see I have yet to receive a response from yesterdays pissed off blog, lol, I guess I should realize not to expect one, but still there's always that little hope that maybe I'll get through to people. I think it's way past my bedtime, so as soon as I finish talking to my sister and acting as advisor to my dear friend Rob (different one), I shall collapse like a tent in a hurricane. Buenas noches:)

I think this is a very interesting time of year.
For some reason - people feel obliged to tie up loose ends, make amends for past wrongs committed, etc. I have been the victim of one of these attempts today, and it has left me in a rather sour mood - which is rather unfortunate seeing as how it's Christmas and all. But here's my response to this pitiful attempt at a "Happy Holidays" gesture, doubtful that it will ever be read by he-who-thinks-i'm-fake, but oh well at least it's out there now:
I do not play with people intentionally, ever. Honesty is the best policy, always. I hate and abhor lying, misleading, and all other attempts at falsehood. As a rule, I do not practice these things with others unless I'm forced to, and then I wind up hating myself for it. So David - I don't understand what your deal is. I never lied to you, and never lead you to believe anything that wasn't true. You accuse of me of alluding to you and trying to "soil your name" or whatever. Guess what, I didn't. There is absolutely no mention of you at all after you decided to be an ass and tell my computer that you didn't want to talk to me anymore. The night in question: I was with one of the most wonderful men in the world, who I dated for years and could possibly end up marrying. Jealous? And why is that? What did I ever promise you? Did I tell you that I loved you? Absolutely nothing, and absolutely not. You were my friend, a very good one, with whom I had a lot of fun. You obviously have attatchment issues, and you over estimate your importance in this world by leaps and bounds if you believe that my life revolves around you. That away message was not for your sake, you were the farthest things from my mind that night. I was happy, with somebody who I loved, and still do. It's rather unfortunate that you can't experience the same thing - but I doubt that you ever shall considering your issues. I don't mean to be bitchy, but I don't appreciate liars either - thanks for the surprise revelations there. This too, is my personal diary. I allow my friends to read it, but I'm not looking for pity, ever. It's simply where I attempt to sort out all of the crazy things going on in my head and in my life. If someone wants to be moved by my words, that's fine - but I'm not in search of people to feel sorry for me. That is what people do when they have nothing else to do. Sound familiar? For those who are familiar with my blog, they will recognize that it is merely and extension of my personality. When I'm feeling way up, or down, it helps me to put those feelings into words. I wrote a lengthy blog about the reasons that I write sometime back in October or November, and it would do you good to go back and re-check that one.
Your petty attempts at hurting my feelings have done nothing but piss me off, that someone can be so twisted and mean. What did I do to you? I put up an away message that said "time for sleepy with my honey" - and you went postal. Anyone else see something strange about that? So yeah - I bother not with those who respect me not. I'm not into that "bye forever" bullshit, since obviously if you write that on two occasions "forever" looses its potency, instead I'm going to be the grown up here - and leave the lines open for future dialogue. I try to be a forgiving and understanding person. What my limits are when it comes to this, I don't know. But feel free to respond, or (gasp) pick up the phone and call. Because I hate leaving things unfinished, as they so clearly are since you never addressed me personally, but rather my electronic extensions.
And ps: I love my life. Sometimes things bite, but I always always always have hope and optimism somewhere in me. I get that from my sister, the classic idealist. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's in the world- because I have the only things that really matter - love, family, and friends. All else is inconsequential in the great scheme of things. Never forget that.

While it was a smart idea to leave my computer at school, I still miss it! Actually I miss the connection most, dial-up sucks big time, I keep getting kicked off and that does not make me happy. I haven't added anything in a while, so there's so much to say!! And of course my house is sooo freezing that I can barely feel my fingers so I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to want to type - but I'll try to get it all out:)
First of all - Ohio was a total trip - literally and figuratively;) We got to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, where Linds worked this past summer, and we got comp. tickets and 50% off in the gift store cause her uncle is the CFO (I think that stands for cheif finance officer). We met him, and got to meet the CEO - this guy who is pretty eccentric and was on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous or some similar show because his house is awesome and it's right on Lake Erie. In addition, we did a good deal of shopping, we all got massages as our Christmas gifts to each other, and just had a really great time. I really miss Lindsay so much now - we had such a great time, it was as if we hadn't been apart for any time at all, everything was great like it used to be. Ah well, I think Laur and I are trying to convince her to come visit us during her Spring break, or if we all have break at the same time maybe we'll do a trip to New York and maybe stay at my grandparents' house, haha I'm sure they wouldn't mind. We'll have to wait and see:) Either way, hopefully I'll get to see her again before long:)
Then when I got back from Ohio, AJ was here - so of course we had to hang out:) I love chilling with her!! We had such a great time. Friday night we went out shopping and what not, then we rented the first Lord of the Rings movie, watched that over popcorn, then the next morning we went to see the second one in the theater. That was definately fun:) I think it's funny how the people that I hang out with aren't the ones I went to high school with - lol. Oh well, I didn't hang out with anyone from high school in high school, so why should I now? Then on Saturday night we went to Hooters w/ Billy and Robbie. It was my first time, and it was definately another interesting experience. Our waitress was really sweet, and both the boys were checking her out cause she was hot too:) haha, anyways, tonight we have a very very very long Folk Group practice to go over all the Christmas music, we're singing at two masses tomorrow night. Then afterwards looks like AJ and I will be hanging out, maybe with Billy and some of his friends, and maybe we'll be getting our drink on tonight. We'll see.

(wow I guess I did write a lot today, haha)

I'm home now, and I probably won't be posting for some time. Leaving tomorrow to drive to Baltimore, then Laur and I are heading to Ohio to visit Lindsay on Monday morning!! I'm soo excited to go, I've missed that girl soo much this semester! What to say about this semester? I think I formed a new record when it comes to procrastinating, I managed to spend almost every night with someone or other, though halfway through it got pretty predictable who that person was:) yeah - interesting time. Now i'm looking ahead to Ohio, then Christmas, then New years, then Florida - all before next semester!! oh my.

So I'm finally done with exams, and wow what a rough friggen week. I definately didn't get much sleep, went to a wild party, a few not-so-wild but still fun parties, and failed a lot of exams. Ok so maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, I didn't fail any exams (that I know of), and I actually only had three so I'm not really sure why this week was all that difficult for me (well plus a paper and that's all I did all day today and wow that sucked too), because a lot of my friends had 5 or 6 exams and all, and I'm going to wimp out next semester and only take 4 classes even though swimming season is over in february and even though my life will probably be easier to handle because it always is second semester. oh well i guess it's totally my perrogative and yeah can you believe that I got a C in art history? that blows chunks. ok bed time for me.... (no i'm not drunk just very tired)

So I've done my best to avoid studying this week - finals week - and I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job as of yet, so yeah. Last night I had a great time- went to the ladies on Hanover St.'s appartment (jen, lisa-marie, amanda, formerly dave but he just moved out). We had a great dinner, then proceded to drink till about 4 am. We danced and sang badly alot, and everyone ended up hooking up with someone that night, most people ended up making out with more than one person - so yeah definately an interesting night to say the least ( I kind of stayed on the outskirts during this mad makeout session and took lots of incriminating photos, which will probably be destroyed cause they're on a digital camera but oh well). Interesting night. Defiantely going to be hearing about that a lot in the future.... lol. Now I have an art history final at 2 pm today, and a spanish research paper that I haven't started due at 2 tomorrow. Sigh. It's going to be a long next two days, but I can get through it and guess why - cause after that I'M DONE!!!!!

Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I Hate Finals!!!!! i wrote a poem about it on my other blog, which if you haven't checked out you should. but yeah - aaaahhhhh!!! ugh.

PS, I wrote a really cool poem about snow the other day during that huge ass snowstorm, read it here.

Studying for exams bites big time. Which is why I'm avoiding it like the plague at the moment... oh well. I took my linguistics exam this morning - I guess I did ok. I wanted an A, not sure if I got it, but whatever. It's over and done, I'll find out my grades next week, no point in stressing - time to move on. Tomorrow is brit lit at 9 am. ugh. I'm so not ready for that one. Well I think I'm going to hit the books once again, maybe I'll blog again later when I'm in need of a break.

Well I'm back from the 3 day invitational at Franklin and Marshall up in Lancaster, PA. I had a really great meet, for the most part. Our team was also doing pretty well, as of yesterday we were in 3rd place, and I left early so I could study for my exam tomorrow, but who knows maybe we'll be able to move up after today! Well I just wanted to make a quick post, so it doesn't seem as though I've fallen off the face of the earth. Which I will, in the next few days, as I find someplace to seclude myself and get my study thing going. Wish me luck!

snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow snow!!

(i figure maybe if i write it a billion times it will happen, we'll have to wait and see!)

I made a new blog!!! The link is with the rest of them, or you can check it out here, it's a poetry website, and I'm opening it up to anyone who wants to post, cause blogger has this cool thing where you can have multiple team members - in other words other people will be able to post whenever they want, and pretty much do whatever they want (though I have oversight). Neat huh?!? Yeah, I know that I have no life. Sue me. When I publish my first volume of my poems and make a billion dollars off sales (way wishful thinking I know just let me ok?) you'll be wishing you were as uncool as me!!

snow!!! there's a winter weather watch for like the entire state of virginia for tomorrow!!! we could get up to 4 inches!! this excites me, yet it's really going to suck if i have to haul ass across campus in the snow....